# Joke of the day



## Guest (Oct 8, 2012)

.....


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## BigCheeseStick (Aug 7, 2013)

View attachment 2418


Soooooo many possible tag lines for this one...
HuffPost Live

I love Megan! (Caution: adult language used)
http://www.damnlol.com/missing-kitty-397.html


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## big al (Feb 24, 2013)

is it just me - as the joke is not showing?????


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## Prepadoodle (May 28, 2013)

Dyslexics of America, untie to defend our right to arm bears!


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## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

A photo I took of a Chinese restaurant near Seattle:


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## bigdogbuc (Mar 23, 2012)

Inor said:


> A photo I took of a Chinese restaurant near Seattle:
> 
> View attachment 2421


I know that restaurant. They put that up because of my sister.

She doesn't go to the beach anymore either. Got tired of people throwing her back in the water yelling "Be free Shamoo, be free."

My sister is the only person in the country who actually knows whether or the not the light in the refrigerator actually stays on after the door closes.


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## bigdogbuc (Mar 23, 2012)

big al said:


> is it just me - as the joke is not showing?????


Nope. You're the only one that doesn't get it. :-D


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

It's all you can eat not you eat all!!!!!!


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## Go2ndAmend (Apr 5, 2013)

..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Ha Ha Ha! ....................................................................................................


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

Do you know how many Obama voters it takes to screw in a lightbulb? None, they like being in the dark.


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## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

bigdogbuc said:


> I know that restaurant.


184 year old mama-san, who is all of 4'-10" is a real firecracker isn't she?  - I loved that place even though the food was so-so. I will definitely drive out of my way to go back there again.


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## BigCheeseStick (Aug 7, 2013)

Political Rally:

Sheep Baaing - CollegeHumor Video


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## BigCheeseStick (Aug 7, 2013)

(Adult language warning)

CAMP: Snake Bite - CollegeHumor Video


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## Prepadoodle (May 28, 2013)

MY LAST TRIP TO WALMART

Yesterday I was at my local Walmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Fred, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant?

On impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Walmart won’t let me shop there anymore!


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## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

Prepadoodle said:


> MY LAST TRIP TO WALMART
> 
> Yesterday I was at my local Walmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Fred, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
> 
> ...


That is the best one I have heard in a LONG time! Well done Sir! :mrgreen:


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## NotableDeath (Mar 21, 2013)

Prepadoodle said:


> MY LAST TRIP TO WALMART
> 
> Yesterday I was at my local Walmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Fred, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
> 
> ...


Damnit, you got me so hard on this one.


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## BigCheeseStick (Aug 7, 2013)

NOT a communist... Still funny though. PUTIN VS OBAMA


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## Boss Dog (Feb 8, 2013)

Two blondes decided they want to go to Disney World so they got into a car and headed down the highway. 
It was a long drive, about 1/2 way down they came to a fork in the road with a sign that read "Disney World - Left", so they turned around and went home.


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## Prepadoodle (May 28, 2013)

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left.

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a cop behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the cop's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the cop walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason I've never heard before for speeding like that, I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a State cop. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.


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## Boss Dog (Feb 8, 2013)

Prepadoodle said:


> A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left.
> 
> "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a cop behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the cop's arrival.
> 
> ...


An oldie but goody! Never fails to make me smile. :mrgreen:


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## BigCheeseStick (Aug 7, 2013)




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## Prepadoodle (May 28, 2013)

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!'

He slams the door and returns to bed.

'Who was that?' asked his wife.

'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers.

'Did you help him?' she asks.

'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!'

'Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Don't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!'

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.

He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?'

'Yes,' comes back the answer.

'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband.

'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark.

'Where are you?' asks the husband.

'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk.


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## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

bigcheesestick said:


>


roflmao!


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## BurgerBoy (Jan 27, 2013)

Then:






Now:


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## alterego (Jan 27, 2013)

An illegal alien, a Muslim, and a Communist, walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, "What can I get you, Mr. President


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## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

alterego said:


> An illegal alien, a Muslim, and a Communist, walk into a bar.
> 
> The bartender asks, "What can I get you, Mr. President


I thought you were going to say the Muslim then detonated himself. That would give the story a happy ending.


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## Lucky Jim (Sep 2, 2012)

Call me a sadist but I love seeing monkeys get zapped-

LiveLeak.com - Saudis use electricity to chase off Baboons


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## Lucky Jim (Sep 2, 2012)

An Englishman buys a cottage in the Scottish Highlands and the first evening there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and there's a big hairy jock standing there in kilt, tam-o'-shanter and sporran.
"Och aye laddie" he says "I live in the cottage doon the glen and i'd like tae invite ye to a party there tonight, there'll be lots of drinking, singing, dancing and wild wild sex"!
"Thanks very much" says the Englishman, and how many will be there?
"Och laddie" replies the Scotsman, "just the two of us"


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

yo quiero


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## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

Bird Choppers!

PJ Media » Strike Back Against Nature! Build More Bird Choppers!


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## Deebo (Oct 27, 2012)

Inor said:


> Bird Choppers!
> 
> PJ Media » Strike Back Against Nature! Build More Bird Choppers!


And to think, Damn I built some of the components of those bird choppers..


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## Deebo (Oct 27, 2012)

A couple in their late eighties was laying in bed. The man started lovingly touching his wifes back, then between her legs, then smoothly ran his hand down the other side of her body..She excitedly asked him if he " was feeling frisky, becouse it had been years?", He said, "NO, I just cant find the remote".


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## BigCheeseStick (Aug 7, 2013)

:shock:


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## BigCheeseStick (Aug 7, 2013)

View attachment 2726


......


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## BigCheeseStick (Aug 7, 2013)

Given the options... I'll take what we got! 

View attachment 2727


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## BigCheeseStick (Aug 7, 2013)

This actually IS a real thing, but...


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