# Need help with new prepping plan



## Coastie dad (Jan 2, 2016)

So I've been thinking lately that I may have been erroneous in my plan. It wasn't intentional, but I've come to realize that I'm not as prepared as I should be, and I've been overly confident, to the point of arrogance, in the theory that I could defend my family with the help of my neighbors.
You see, at any moment of a bad situation, roving gangs of black marketeers with navy seal Ranger recon scouts could appear at my door with malice in their hearts. Knowing as I do now that I and my neighbors are woefully unprepared for this onslaught I have decided to expand my pitiful store of wares to include items to entice the black marketeers and their gang lackeys to allow me to continue my pitiful existence with perhaps only a moderate amount of stampeding the women and raping the cattle.

With that in mind, I would appreciate some suggestions on marketable items to stock. I have already decided that a few cases of Dr. Scholls insert will be a welcome item, after all the butt kicking they will have done. Perhaps some cheap lighters because they will probably used in all of theirs burning houses along the way. I'm also thinking muscle relaxers, and perhaps learning massage therapy. That much raping and pillaging has got to be hard on a person's back. I would stock laces for their work boots, but well, you know. Probably not in high demand.

Anything else you can suggest, let me know. I need to get started quickly. The world ends this Saturday, so shopping times are limited!


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## White Shadow (Jun 26, 2017)

:vs_lol:

I guess you could build some hot mud baths and offer mani/pedi services for them. All that raiding has to be rough on the skin and nails.


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## Coastie dad (Jan 2, 2016)

That's a great idea!

Along with massage therapy I can run a spa for the weary marauder. Why, I may become known as a reputable stopping place for roving gangs. 
I can envision branch locations popping up along the major migration routes.

I may need to hire some girls eventually, but I reckon I could run things by hand for a while.


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## paraquack (Mar 1, 2013)

So Coastie dad, just when did you decide to go over to the dark side?


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## Camel923 (Aug 13, 2014)

While massaging them perhaps you could work in a dynamite stick as a falice so it would do severe damage.


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## Coastie dad (Jan 2, 2016)

paraquack said:


> So Coastie dad, just when did you decide to go over to the dark side?


Well see, while y'all are going to be writhing in agony after the #3 gang types kick over your garden gnomes, steal your spam, and consort with your women folk, I'm going into a financially lucrative business to help the weary travellers recuperate from their daily evil doing.
I know this psychological type that works with guys that piss off dead Roman poets, and he told me that everything we've been doing is for doo-doo, because he lives in yankee land and he knows best. So, I'm going to become rich pandering to the horde. Free market capitalism, boys.
And I do listen to all advice and suggestions. I'm kind of liking the idea of the M80 colon massage for the weary marauder. Spiritually uplifting, and less mess than TNT.


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## White Shadow (Jun 26, 2017)

I thought they were going to consort with your cattle and rustle your women folk? The plan has changed already?


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## Old SF Guy (Dec 15, 2013)

Coastie dad said:


> So I've been thinking lately that I may have been erroneous in my plan. It wasn't intentional, but I've come to realize that I'm not as prepared as I should be, and I've been overly confident, to the point of arrogance, in the theory that I could defend my family with the help of my neighbors.
> You see, at any moment of a bad situation, roving gangs of black marketeers with navy seal Ranger recon scouts could appear at my door with malice in their hearts. Knowing as I do now that I and my neighbors are woefully unprepared for this onslaught I have decided to expand my pitiful store of wares to include items to entice the black marketeers and their gang lackeys to allow me to continue my pitiful existence with perhaps only a moderate amount of stampeding the women and raping the cattle.
> 
> With that in mind, I would appreciate some suggestions on marketable items to stock. I have already decided that a few cases of Dr. Scholls insert will be a welcome item, after all the butt kicking they will have done. Perhaps some cheap lighters because they will probably used in all of theirs burning houses along the way. I'm also thinking muscle relaxers, and perhaps learning massage therapy. That much raping and pillaging has got to be hard on a person's back. I would stock laces for their work boots, but well, you know. Probably not in high demand.
> ...


I recommend several tubes of Anal ease... (Large amounts of Ora-gel will work in a crunch....Knee pads and elbow pads.,,some bottles of that throat spray that numbs the throat.... Trojan smooth...those ribbed ones will feel like rings of fire after about hour 4......music of your choice..I suspect some early 70's techno would do you well.


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## ND_ponyexpress_ (Mar 20, 2016)

Coastie dad said:


> I may need to hire some girls eventually, but I reckon *I could run things by hand for a while*.


lotion for the hands??? lest you develop calluses, also practice becoming ambidextrous so as to not over-develop one forearm and look like a lopsided Popeye...


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## Coastie dad (Jan 2, 2016)

No no...I'm going to open the Resort and Day Spa for Tired Marauders so they won't stampede my women and rape my cattle. I shall provide rest, leisure and recuperation after they perform unthinkable acts of savagery upon other people's garden gnomes. You see, it's about learning to be a sell out because you don't have the testicular equipment to stand up for what's right, and rolling over because you accept defeat prior to the battle's beginning against an imaginary and mythical lyrics superior enemy.
I know, I know, it's hard to accept, but I know this guy in Boston who teaches a course in how to go belly up at the first sign of trouble, because he has experience as an artificial intelligence geek that repaired computers for a fire department. 
Of course, guys like us have to take a remedial course before we can attend his full classes, but, I've heard they use a band instead of a knife and you don't even notice the loss it's so gradual.


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## Coastie dad (Jan 2, 2016)

Great suggestions, Guys! Corn huskers Lotion! Why, that's the best thing after shucking cobs all day!


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## Go2ndAmend (Apr 5, 2013)

First, I think you have to understand that they are not really gang members. They are just poor misguided children who had rough childhoods. I think it would be best to purchase a few faux leather couches and recliners. Along with the furniture you could get a smoking jacket and a pipe. Then, when the poor souls arrive to rape, pillage and plunder, you could offer them free psychological services. Once you have interviewed the first few hundred of them, you would then be qualified to post advise on this forum and tell the rest of us life saving tips that our small undeveloped brains are unable to figure out on our own.


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## Coastie dad (Jan 2, 2016)

I believe you understand my business plan, my good man. I really won't have time to go back to school for my psychologist license, however, I have a good acquaintance, J. Farthington Turdsworth, a well known and respected psychologist who has said he would be more than willing to help instruct all of you in matters of psychological application of skills and thrills.
There are a few members on this forum whom he has already counseled elsewhere in matters of the heart and morals of prepping.


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## TGus (Sep 18, 2017)

Coastie dad said:


> Well see, while y'all are going to be writhing in agony after the #3 gang types kick over your garden gnomes, steal your spam, and consort with your women folk, I'm going into a financially lucrative business to help the weary travellers recuperate from their daily evil doing.
> I know this psychological type that works with guys that piss off dead Roman poets, and he told me that everything we've been doing is for doo-doo, because he lives in yankee land and he knows best. So, I'm going to become rich pandering to the horde. Free market capitalism, boys.
> And I do listen to all advice and suggestions. I'm kind of liking the idea of the M80 colon massage for the weary marauder. Spiritually uplifting, and less mess than TNT.


Hey, I resemble that remark!


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## Coastie dad (Jan 2, 2016)

TGus said:


> I resemble that remark!


You bet your ass, and I'd do it again!:vs_lol:


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## TGus (Sep 18, 2017)

Coastie dad said:


> You bet your ass, and I'd do it again!:vs_lol:


You're on a roll. Don't let _me _stop you.


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## Chance Favors (Sep 21, 2017)

Go2ndAmend said:


> First, I think you have to understand that they are not really gang members. They are just poor misguided children who had rough childhoods. I think it would be best to purchase a few faux leather couches and recliners. Along with the furniture you could get a smoking jacket and a pipe. Then, when the poor souls arrive to rape, pillage and plunder, you could offer them free psychological services. Once you have interviewed the first few hundred of them, you would then be qualified to post advise on this forum and tell the rest of us life saving tips that our small undeveloped brains are unable to figure out on our own.


No need, our guy in Boston also worked as a counselor at the Juvenile Marauder Correctional Facility. He's got the psychological edge on anyone he looks at. The movie, The Men Who Stare At Goats, was loosely based on his life. He once stared at a goat and made it's heart stop. Ever since he devoted himself to the light and repents for his sins by educating the all the Neanderthal Preppers.


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## Moonshinedave (Mar 28, 2013)

They say there is a little fat guy in North Korea that will trade you a small nuclear device for a case of Bennie wennies and some porno DVDs. I'd wager that would take the starch out of those raiding, rapeing hordes.


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## HochwaldJager (Aug 31, 2017)

Coastie dad said:


> So I've been thinking lately that I may have been erroneous in my plan. It wasn't intentional, but I've come to realize that I'm not as prepared as I should be, and I've been overly confident, to the point of arrogance, in the theory that I could defend my family with the help of my neighbors.
> You see, at any moment of a bad situation, roving gangs of black marketeers with navy seal Ranger recon scouts could appear at my door with malice in their hearts. Knowing as I do now that I and my neighbors are woefully unprepared for this onslaught I have decided to expand my pitiful store of wares to include items to entice the black marketeers and their gang lackeys to allow me to continue my pitiful existence with perhaps only a moderate amount of stampeding the women and raping the cattle.
> 
> With that in mind, I would appreciate some suggestions on marketable items to stock. I have already decided that a few cases of Dr. Scholls insert will be a welcome item, after all the butt kicking they will have done. Perhaps some cheap lighters because they will probably used in all of theirs burning houses along the way.  I'm also thinking muscle relaxers, and perhaps learning massage therapy. That much raping and pillaging has got to be hard on a person's back. I would stock laces for their work boots, but well, you know. Probably not in high demand.
> ...


NOOOONNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Coastie please come back from the TGUS side,,,,,, We need you here.... Please don't leave me.... PLeaseeeeeeeeeeee :vs_sob:


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## Hemi45 (May 5, 2014)

Grape drink. Gotta have cases of grape drink!


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## HochwaldJager (Aug 31, 2017)

HHHHuuummmmm I like Grape!


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## Coastie dad (Jan 2, 2016)

Who, in their right mind, could deny a request from Deadpool on a unicorn? 

(Wait...I'm in my right mind?)


Ok....I'll give up the lucrative money making idea and come back to the light.

But there better be cookies!!!!!


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## Illini Warrior (Jan 24, 2015)

Hemi45 said:


> Grape drink. Gotta have cases of grape drink!


looking at more citrus myself - not sure if Mexico and parts south will be picking up the FL shortage coming - OJ could skyrocket this winter


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## HochwaldJager (Aug 31, 2017)

Coastie dad said:


> Who, in their right mind, could deny a request from Deadpool on a unicorn?
> 
> (Wait...I'm in my right mind?)
> 
> ...


There's cookies, lots of cookies.... And there the best cookies on the planet....And TGus is going to buy them..... (My best Trump Voice)

Plus they have sprinkles...


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## yooper_sjd (May 14, 2017)

sigh, just started another damn pot of coffee... got more threads to troll where TGus is involved


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## Go2ndAmend (Apr 5, 2013)

Ole TJ does provide a certain entertainment value. We've had some real doozies here. Now where did I put my glass do Jack?


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