# Need some advice, feeling down...



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

Hey all,

I hope everyone is well. Well here is my dilemma. I work in sales and i'm doing pretty well. My boss is a women which is ok but she seems to be treating the younger guys 20-28 YRS OLD better then me, ok so im 34 married with 2 kids., these guys and girls pretty much out of college. My boss is 36 . Its like they have there own little " group" Always laughing, joking around, talking about partying, im sitting here like really??? etc. They get away with murder I mean like being late, sales numbers low, long lunches. With me its nick picking. We have a dinner tonight for the "team" usually I don't go but this time I am. IDK though feel like backing out, as I don't feel wanted I guess. The thing is we sit in cubicles and it seems the PODs that sit close to her ( my boss) get all the attention and shes cool with. Im not asking for much but come on its so Blanten obvious . What can I do or say, or do I do anything at all. Do I go tonight idk 

Weird part is shell email me, good job, your doing good etc but never with words out of her mouth.


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

IDK I feel down about this. I come to work at 730am work hard a lot through lunch till 5pm and go home. Im quiet but so what ya know.


----------



## Arklatex (May 24, 2014)

Well this is how you bring home the bacon, just do what your supposed to do and don't worry about the others. If it bothers you so much I suggest finding anther place to work.


----------



## GasholeWillie (Jul 4, 2014)

All you can do is all you can do for you. The youngsters have a common bond with the boss, you do not. Is the boss married with kids or does she still want to live the party girl lifestyle. In the not too distant future the "kids at work" will grow into being a responsible adult like you that has bills and responsibilities at home. You need to look out for #1, you and your family. In hind sight, if the group is going out and living the party life style, think about how much money they piss away at a bar in a week, how bad and sluggish they feel the next day at work, etc. But I can relate to what you are saying, you feel like you are on the outside looking in and everyone on the inside is having fun etc. I've been there, that's why they call it work.


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

Yea thought about it, but I get paid well. Seems like its a TEAM place to work



Arklatex said:


> Well this is how you bring home the bacon, just do what your supposed to do and don't worry about the others. If it bothers you so much I suggest finding anther place to work.


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

Hey, yea shes single and lives on her own ( my boss) Im not here to party im here to make money. Maybe I should open up more, chat more at work?



GasholeWillie said:


> All you can do is all you can do for you. The youngsters have a common bond with the boss, you do not. Is the boss married with kids or does she still want to live the party girl lifestyle. In the not too distant future the "kids at work" will grow into being a responsible adult like you that has bills and responsibilities at home. You need to look out for #1, you and your family. In hind sight, if the group is going out and living the party life style, think about how much money they piss away at a bar in a week, how bad and sluggish they feel the next day at work, etc. But I can relate to what you are saying, you feel like you are on the outside looking in and everyone on the inside is having fun etc. I've been there, that's why they call it work.


----------



## GasholeWillie (Jul 4, 2014)

My thoughts are I have friends that aree outside of work and I have aquaintences at work that I am friendly with because I have to be and it makes the work machine run well. Never shall they cross paths'. Why? Outside of drinking and partying after work, what else do these people do? Ain't nothing happening in that bar at happy hour that will positively effect your life. Now if they went and did things that you and your family were included in post work, I would consider forging a stronger relationship with some of those people. Where I currently work I come into contact with hundreds of people and sometimes I participate in the activities. The core people I work with, I do not reach out to any of them as friends. I once went skiing with a few guys from work. It was like being at work, completely sapped the fun out of being away from work doing an activity that I like. So I compartmentalize the work vs fun relationship and keep them separate.


----------



## DerBiermeister (Aug 15, 2014)

Willie said it good

Let me add though that she too probably has a boss. When the chips are down, she -- IMO -- will be looking to you and not the others to help prop her up. She doesn't tell you this, but I suspect that is the case. You are a dependable and performing employee. She knows this -- it is too bad she doesn't convey it more.

Yeah -- my advice is that of Willies -- don't worry about it, don't sweat it. Just keep on doing what YOU know best how to do. If you are actually successful in pulling off this change of thought -- you are going to find that you think you fit in better.


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

Its sad, cause I want to be more socialable but I have to confess, I have a studdering problem, not real bad but alittle. It was bad in school, maybe that's what holds me back



DerBiermeister said:


> Willie said it good
> 
> Let me add though that she too probably has a boss. When the chips are down, she -- IMO -- will be looking to you and not the others to help prop her up. She doesn't tell you this, but I suspect that is the case. You are a dependable and performing employee. She knows this -- it is too bad she doesn't convey it more.
> 
> Yeah -- my advice is that of Willies -- don't worry about it, don't sweat it. Just keep on doing what YOU know best how to do. If you are actually successful in pulling off this change of thought -- you are going to find that you think you fit in better.


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

id this is really bothering me


----------



## James m (Mar 11, 2014)

Start bringing the boss coffee. Make sure you ask how much cream and sugar. Is she cute?


----------



## Camel923 (Aug 13, 2014)

DerBeirmeister is correct. This will change if things get tight and she has to clean house to protect her own ass or she will be gone. Play the social game. Invite her to dinner with you And your wife. Invite her significant other if there is one. If she has kids, invite them. If not ship yours off to grandparents for the evening. Mean while continue to be the best at what you do.


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

shes ok, but im married... lol


James m said:


> Start bringing the boss coffee. Make sure you ask how much cream and sugar. Is she cute?


----------



## Rob Roy (Nov 6, 2013)

DerBiermeister said:


> Willie said it good
> 
> Let me add though that she too probably has a boss. When the chips are down, she -- IMO -- will be looking to you and not the others to help prop her up. She doesn't tell you this, but I suspect that is the case. You are a dependable and performing employee. She knows this -- it is too bad she doesn't convey it more.
> 
> Yeah -- my advice is that of Willies -- don't worry about it, don't sweat it. Just keep on doing what YOU know best how to do. If you are actually successful in pulling off this change of thought -- you are going to find that you think you fit in better.


This.

I can completely understand how it can get you down, but you should just hold steady. That group might make her feel good and she may really enjoy their company, or maybe it's her own fountain of youth, BUT... things will turn and she will come under pressure and she will rely on you. And/Or, she will get a new boss who will investigate the numbers and will make changes accordingly. Most DMs and top-brass use the numbers to pass judgment and could really care less about the dumb sh!t.

Before finally going off on my own, I worked in retail cell phone sales for 16 years and for 3 different companies (due to a buy-out, 2 otherwise). No matter how good or bad things were, they always had a way of changing. New moves, low stock, poor performance, wild card. The companies always had to mess crap up and it usually resulted in new management.. which resulted in a new, generally more miserable way of life.

This kind of change benefits good workers like you.

On the other hand, you do have time to kill in the meantime. Might as well make the best of it. If you can go out, go. People rarely pull you in in the groups against your will. Going out with them will at least show you have the will. Also, remember you already are a success as you have convinced someone to not only partner with you, but have offspring... and you are being paid consistently by a company. Those kids are still searching for something.

You are already a success. Now it's just the question of how much more successful you can be.


----------



## DerBiermeister (Aug 15, 2014)

MikeyPrepper said:


> shes ok, but im married... lol


Ok -- but you've already stated that you don't really have a problem with having a woman boss. So, every chance you get, back that up. Without being a fool, there are ways that you can let her know that you support her -- if of course she truly is a good boss. Do what Camel said with the social aspects. Your worry over the other younger dudes is really not justified. You are barely out of diapers yourself! :lol:
The difference is that -- in her circles -- you are a married man and she is going to socialize with young studs. But the idea of an occasional get-together with YOUR family is a good one.


----------



## DerBiermeister (Aug 15, 2014)

MikeyPrepper said:


> Its sad, cause I want to be more socialable but I have to confess, I have a studdering problem, not real bad but alittle. It was bad in school, maybe that's what holds me back


stuttering -- So did King George (Elizabeth's father). And look at how remarkably he dealt with his problem. Pretty damn incredible actually.

The King's Speech (2010) - IMDb


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

thanks all I appreciate it


----------



## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

Mikey

Are you freakin' kidding me?


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

Nope, idk man. Just feeling little down. Like I should do more



Slippy said:


> Mikey
> 
> Are you freakin' kidding me?


----------



## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

MikeyPrepper said:


> Nope, idk man. Just feeling little down. Like I should do more


Here's what you do, reach down, pick up your nuts and replace them using a stapler from your bosses desk. You should be fine after that.


----------



## paraquack (Mar 1, 2013)

KARMA. It's there and will both bite you in A$$ or pat you on the behind. All depends on you.


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

Perfect! I will make sure of that lol



Slippy said:


> Here's what you do, reach down, pick up your nuts and replace them using a stapler from your bosses desk. You should be fine after that.


----------



## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

I worked in corporate America for a while when I first started out. I did not socialize with my coworkers either. I am sure it cost me some advancement. But then, when I was working in corporate America, I had no interest in advancement. I was only there to learn the ropes well enough to go out on my own which I did as soon as I was confident I could succeed. The company I was working for is no longer in business. Three recessions later, I still am. 

Inor 7 - Corporate douche bags 0


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

I like it bud



Inor said:


> I worked in corporate America for a while when I first started out. I did not socialize with my coworkers either. I am sure it cost me some advancement. But then, when I was working in corporate America, I had no interest in advancement. I was only there to learn the ropes well enough to go out on my own which I did as soon as I was confident I could succeed. The company I was working for is no longer in business. Three recessions later, I still am.
> 
> Inor 7 - Corporate douche bags 0


----------



## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

MikeyPrepper said:


> Nope, idk man. Just feeling little down. Like I should do more


Don't worry Mikey I feel this way sometimes too. Usually about 5-10 days before starting my period... {{hug}}


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

aww, maybe that's it jk



Kahlan said:


> Don't worry Mikey I feel this way sometimes too. Usually about 5-10 days before starting my period... {{hug}}


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

I will going to the dinner at 530 I will keep everyone posted how it goes


----------



## Prepared One (Nov 5, 2014)

Unfortunatley, working in the coporate world it is necessary to deal with office politics and maneuver around the land mines. I did this for sometime before moving to a family owned company. I still have to nogotiating the family but I work directly for the owner so I have it easy. I have been with them for 23 years and doing just fine. But I have been involved in some really bad work situations as well when I was young. I can suggest that if you enjoy what your doing learn the ropes, have a resume updated and ready and start networking as best as you can. Most opportunities are offered by people who know you or you already know. Also, you have to be prepared in your own mind to leave if nothing improves. Like say, if you must work for a living you may as well like and enjoy what your doing and who you work with.


----------



## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

Prepared One said:


> Unfortunatley, working in the coporate world it is necessary to deal with office politics and miniver around the land mines. I did this for sometime before moving to a family owned company. I still have to nogotiating the family but I work directly for the owner so I have it easy. I have been with them for 23 years and doing just fine. But I have been involved in some really bad work situations as well when I was young. I can suggest that if you enjoy what your doing learn the ropes, have a resume updated and ready and start networking as best as you can. Most opportunities are offered by people who know you or you already know. Also, you have to be prepared in your own mind to leave if nothing improves. Like say, if you must work for a living you may as well like and enjoy what your doing and who you work with.


If Slippy's idea of stapling your nuts together does not work out, I would suggest this one as a very close second.


----------



## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

MikeyPrepper said:


> aww, maybe that's it jk


Aww, I was just teasin' you a little. Let us know how dinner goes.


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

I will def thanks



Kahlan said:


> Aww, I was just teasin' you a little. Let us know how dinner goes.


----------



## scramble4a5 (Nov 1, 2012)

DerBiermeister said:


> Willie said it good
> 
> Let me add though that she too probably has a boss. When the chips are down, she -- IMO -- will be looking to you and not the others to help prop her up. She doesn't tell you this, but I suspect that is the case. You are a dependable and performing employee. She knows this -- it is too bad she doesn't convey it more.
> 
> Yeah -- my advice is that of Willies -- don't worry about it, don't sweat it. Just keep on doing what YOU know best how to do. If you are actually successful in pulling off this change of thought -- you are going to find that you think you fit in better.


I have been there and done that. I agree with these gents. Being a mature responsible father and husband isn't wrong. If you can hang out occasionally cool, if not then you're not doing anything wrong. You just have a different set of priorities.


----------



## thepeartree (Aug 25, 2014)

MikeyPrepper said:


> Its sad, cause I want to be more socialable but I have to confess, I have a studdering problem, not real bad but alittle. It was bad in school, maybe that's what holds me back


Mike, I sympathize. You have most of the answer- she's not likely to warm up unless you socialize. Nobody says you have to be Mr. Party at work, after all, work is what you get paid for. But, if you want the perks, you have to go that extra mile. Have you looked for help on the stuttering? It doesn't seem to be as much of an issue as it once was due to excellent therapies available. Even if that's out, stuttering really shouldn't be that much of a big deal any more, what with all the celebrities that beat it. There are so many things that are worse!


----------



## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

Kahlan said:


> Don't worry Mikey I feel this way sometimes too. Usually about 5-10 days before starting my period... {{hug}}


That was classic Kahlan. Hats off my friend.

(Slippy makes a mental note that today, The Student has now become the Teacher.)


----------



## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

Slippy said:


> That was classic Kahlan. Hats off my friend.
> 
> (Slippy makes a mental note that today, The Student has now become the Teacher.)


Haha I'm learning from the master.


----------



## Jeep (Aug 5, 2014)

Document it. 15 years ago, I would have said punch her in the throat. But now. Document it.


----------



## thepeartree (Aug 25, 2014)

If he has a period 5-10 days from now, I think he should stop worrying about the stutter alltogether...


----------



## Go2ndAmend (Apr 5, 2013)

Maybe the use of the stapler will cause the "condition" 10-15 days from now. In the meantime, be thankful that she is documenting your fine work in emails, which you have thoughtfully saved to a home computer to be used at a later date if needed.


----------



## Prepared One (Nov 5, 2014)

thepeartree said:


> If he has a period 5-10 days from now, I think he should stop worrying about the stutter alltogether...


Agreed! Stuttering would be the least of his problems at that point.


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

true that


thepeartree said:


> Mike, I sympathize. You have most of the answer- she's not likely to warm up unless you socialize. Nobody says you have to be Mr. Party at work, after all, work is what you get paid for. But, if you want the perks, you have to go that extra mile. Have you looked for help on the stuttering? It doesn't seem to be as much of an issue as it once was due to excellent therapies available. Even if that's out, stuttering really shouldn't be that much of a big deal any more, what with all the celebrities that beat it. There are so many things that are worse!


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

thepeartree said:


> If he has a period 5-10 days from now, I think he should stop worrying about the stutter alltogether...


thank you


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

Ok all, so the after work party went OK. Couple people from my team kinda helped me be open. Even my boss was laughing and all. It was a good time and im glad I went.


----------



## Prepared One (Nov 5, 2014)

MikeyPrepper said:


> Ok all, so the after work party went OK. Couple people from my team kinda helped me be open. Even my boss was laughing and all. It was a good time and im glad I went.


Good to hear. Stay the course....But cover your basis.


----------



## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

Yea I agree,

Not going to become all party guy BUT more social



Prepared One said:


> Good to hear. Stay the course....But cover your basis.


----------



## GTGallop (Nov 11, 2012)

The problem isn't you. Its them. The younger kids all grew up with smart phones and video games and shit. Latch key kids that all got participation trophies.

It's not that they don't like you, you just haven't been mentally stimulating enough to grab their attention, and I don't mind in a deeply thoughtful and inspirationally meaningful kind of way. I'm talking about kids who are mentally stimulated by beeps and whistles and shiny things that flash and they have a 12 second attention span. You are going to have to work to insert yourself into their lives. It won't be easy or fun at first. But after a week or two it will get better. I wouldn't set a goal so high as to penetrate the inner layers of their social circle, but just shoot for a little inclusion.


----------



## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

GTGallop said:


> The problem isn't you. Its them. The younger kids all grew up with smart phones and video games and shit. Latch key kids that all got participation trophies.
> 
> It's not that they don't like you, you just haven't been mentally stimulating enough to grab their attention, and I don't mind in a deeply thoughtful and inspirationally meaningful kind of way. I'm talking about kids who are mentally stimulated by beeps and whistles and shiny things that flash and they have a 12 second attention span. You are going to have to work to insert yourself into their lives. It won't be easy or fun at first. But after a week or two it will get better. I wouldn't set a goal so high as to penetrate the inner layers of their social circle, but just shoot for a little inclusion.


Or just punch the little bastards in the head.


----------



## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

GTGallop said:


> The problem isn't you. Its them. The younger kids all grew up with smart phones and video games and shit. Latch key kids that all got participation trophies.
> 
> It's not that they don't like you, you just haven't been mentally stimulating enough to grab their attention, and I don't mind in a deeply thoughtful and inspirationally meaningful kind of way. I'm talking about kids who are mentally stimulated by beeps and whistles and shiny things that flash and they have a 12 second attention span. You are going to have to work to insert yourself into their lives. It won't be easy or fun at first. But after a week or two it will get better. I wouldn't set a goal so high as to penetrate the inner layers of their social circle, but just shoot for a little inclusion.


GT is correct.

Mikey, it would be fun once you infiltrate their little "Bass Club" to hide their cell phones near items such as work boots, shovels, power tools etc. They will get frustrated and it will be funny. (Explanation; Bass like shiny objects and have very little attention span and will fall for the same shiny object time and time again...)

Then take Inor's advice and punch the little bastards in the head.


----------



## DerBiermeister (Aug 15, 2014)

MikeyPrepper said:


> Yea I agree,
> 
> Not going to become all party guy BUT more social


This is cool -- this is the way it should be. In a few months, you will be wondering what all the fuss was about.


----------



## Moonshinedave (Mar 28, 2013)

As far as the favoritism, it's just a way of life, pay no attention to it. Remember you are there to make a paycheck for you and your family. If your 36 year old boss wants to hang with the kids, and pretend to be one of them, seems like it's more of her problem than yours. You are married, with two children, what you have is by far better than what they have. Next time you are feeling down remember that. Fine to have a friendly relationship with them at work, but come quitting time, go home to your family, believe me, they have nothing to be envied.


----------

