# Jehovah's Witnesses - What the hell?!?



## Inor

So a Jehovah's Witness showed up at our door this morning handing out some kind of flyer. I did take the time to read it, and wish I hadn't. Appearently they are having some kind of big gathering at the Brewers stadium for 3 days where they are going to talk about why we need a One World Government, how to establish it and who should lead it.

I had always thought the Jehovah's Witlesses were apolitical. I certainly never considered them to be one-worlders! Who knew?

So now I have to put back bacon to pop off the Muslims and birthday cakes for the damn Witnesses!


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## SquirrelBait

They hit you too?!? I never answer the door if I'm not expecting someone, So, I went down stairs and found the flyer on my door.


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## pheniox17

Inor said:


> So a Jehovah's Witness showed up at our door this morning handing out some kind of flyer. I did take the time to read it, and wish I hadn't. Appearently they are having some kind of big gathering at the Brewers stadium for 3 days where they are going to talk about why we need a One World Government, how to establish it and who should lead it.
> 
> I had always thought the Jehovah's Witlesses were apolitical. I certainly never considered them to be one-worlders! Who knew?
> 
> So now I have to put back bacon to pop off the Muslims and birthday cakes for the damn Witnesses!


yes they are screwy, big time

but look at this

Criticism of Jehovah's Witnesses - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

1877: Christ's kingdom would hold full sway
over the earth in 1914; the Jews, as a people,
would be restored to God's favor; the "saints"
would be carried to heaven. [26]
1891: 1914 would be "the farthest limit of
the rule of imperfect men." [27]
1904: "World-wide anarchy" would follow
the end of the Gentile Times in 1914. [28]
1916: World War I would terminate in
Armageddon and the rapture of the "saints".
[29]
1917: In 1918, Christendom would go down
as a system to oblivion and be succeeded by
revolutionary governments. God would "destroy
the churches wholesale and the church
members by the millions." Church members
would "perish by the sword of war, revolution
and anarchy." The dead would lie unburied. In
1920 all earthly governments would disappear,
with worldwide anarchy prevailing. [30]
1920: Messiah's kingdom would be
established in 1925 and bring worldwide
peace. God would begin restoring the earth.
Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and other faithful
patriarchs would be resurrected to perfect
human life and be made princes and rulers, the
visible representatives of the New Order on
earth. Those who showed themselves obedient
to God would never die. [31]
1922: The anti-typical "jubilee" that would
mark God's intervention in earthly affairs
would take place "probably the fall" of 1925.
[32]
1924: God's restoration of Earth would
begin "shortly after" October 1, 1925.
Jerusalem would be made the world's capital.
Resurrected "princes" such as Abel , Noah ,
Moses and John the Baptist would give
instructions to their subjects around the world
by radio, and airplanes would transport people
to and from Jerusalem from all parts of the
globe in just "a few hours". [33]
1938: Armageddon was too close for
marriage or child bearing. [34]
1941: There were only "months" remaining
until Armageddon. [35]
1942: Armageddon was "immediately before
us." [36]
1961: Awake! magazine stated that the
heavenly kingdom "will, within the twentieth
century, cleanse the entire earth of
wickedness." [37]
1966: It would be 6000 years since man's
creation in the fall of 1975 and it would be
"appropriate" for Christ's thousand-year reign
to begin at that time. [38] Time was "running
out, no question about that." [39] The
"immediate future" was "certain to be filled
with climactic events ... within a few years at
most", the final parts of Bible prophecy relating
to the "last days" would undergo fulfillment as
Christ's reign began.
1967: The end-time period (beginning in
1914) was claimed to be so far advanced that
the time remaining could "be compared, not
just to the last day of a week, but rather, to
the last part of that day". [40]
1968: No one could say "with certainty" that
the battle of Armageddon would begin in 1975,
but time was "running out rapidly" with
"earthshaking events" soon to take place. [41]
In March 1968 there was a "short period of
time left", with "only about ninety months left
before 6000 years of man's existence on earth
is completed". [42]
1969: The existing world order would not
last long enough for young people to grow old;
the world system would end "in a few years."
Young Witnesses were told not to bother
pursuing tertiary education for this reason. [43]
1971: The "battle in the day of Jehovah"
was described as beginning "hortly, within
our twentieth century". [44]
1974: There was just a "short time
remaining before the wicked world's end" and
Witnesses were commended for selling their
homes and property to "finish out the rest of
their days in this old system in the pioneer
service." [45]
1984: There were "many indications" that
"the end" was closer than the end of the 20th
century. [46]
1989: The Watchtower asserted that
Christian missionary work begun in the first
century would "be completed in our 20th
century". [47] When republished in bound
volumes, the phrase "in our 20th century" was
replaced with the less specific "in our day".

somewhere they were


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## pheniox17

somewhere they were linked to 2000 and 2012

so this one world government maybe all the conspiracy theorists were wrong, its not Rothschild, but Jehovah's whiteness that's leading the way


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## GTGallop

My neighbor down the street calls me to let me know they are coming.

I put ketchup on my hand and stand by the door but out of view from the decorative window.

Then when they ring the bell I put a bloody hand print on the glass and start screaming like holy hell.

They beat feet and run like mad. It's HILARIOUS!

And you know what... Neither the Jehovas Witnesses nor the Mormons (heavy influence out here) have ever called the police. They are only interested in your soul if it will be around long enough to shell out some dollars. But if you are already on your way to heaven at that very instant they come around, they don't get involved. Nothing to see here, keep moving, keep moving - lets skip a few houses and keep moving.


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## rickkyw1720pf

I seen them coming from down the road so I told my son to answer the door, an half hour latter he was still talking to them. 
If you even said shit one time in your life you probably are not going to be one of the 50,000 that is going to heaven.

I did once date a Baptist girl and the only problem with her was she would't have sex standing up because she said if someone saw us they may think we were dancing.


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## MI.oldguy

GTGallop said:


> My neighbor down the street calls me to let me know they are coming.
> 
> I put ketchup on my hand and stand by the door but out of view from the decorative window.
> 
> Then when they ring the bell I put a bloody hand print on the glass and start screaming like holy hell.
> 
> They beat feet and run like mad. It's HILARIOUS!
> 
> And you know what... Neither the Jehovas Witnesses nor the Mormons (heavy influence out here) have ever called the police. They are only interested in your soul if it will be around long enough to shell out some dollars. But if you are already on your way to heaven at that very instant they come around, they don't get involved. Nothing to see here, keep moving, keep moving - lets skip a few houses and keep moving.


Really?.all I did is point to my "NO SOLICITING" sign on our gate and they moved on.after they gave me a flyer.it said one world under the same control but,I tossed it.I dont know if they were witnesses or mormons or etc,the girl in the dress looked cute though.


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## bigdogbuc

Dude, they hit my door yesterday, with the same thing. Except it's in Seattle and all these important JW's from around the world would be in attendance and holy moly...

We're nice to them because half of my wife's family are JW's. My deceased father-in-law is the only one who didn't "convert". He used to call my wife's grandmother and wish her Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, shit like that just to dick with her. 

My Dad would go to the park and he would talk to them, then gave them our address. So now they show up looking for him. Bastard. 

My wife is 7 years younger than I am. I met her family when I was in high school as it turns out I dated a couple of her cousins and then one of her aunts. I unknowingly kept it in the family. Even moved high schools, which is where I met her aunt. Makes it weird at family gatherings. She lived in San Diego at the time and I knew her Dad, but I didn't know her. Whoa, I dated my wife's, Dad's sister. 

Cue banjo.

Anyway....

My "girlfriend" was a JW by default. So "grandma", in her best "old lady Guamanian" said "if you want to date her, you must study our religion". Fair enough. 

Wacko. 

I fell out of favor when I did the following; They have this belief that 144,000 will sit at the right hand of God. So I asked how many members there were in the JW church. "Millions world wide" they beamed. Fair enough. They also believe that they are the only "TRUE" faith, and therefore will be the only ones to sit with God.

So, I said, "If you're the only true faith, and there are millions of you, what happens to the surplus of your members that won't get to sit with God, since only 144,000 of you get to do it? The math isn't working for me."

Lesson over, kicked out of the house, relationship over, forbidden to ever see her again and so on. Which worked for a good 15 years until I met my wife, who just happened to move in next door...:twisted:


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## Ripon

So they must have some kind of new leader that wants obummers job....dude best not meet Hilda or he'll end up in a park with no shoes.


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## Arizona Infidel

bigdogbuc said:


> Dude, they hit my door yesterday, with the same thing. Except it's in Seattle and all these important JW's from around the world would be in attendance and holy moly...
> 
> We're nice to them because half of my wife's family are JW's. My deceased father-in-law is the only one who didn't "convert". He used to call my wife's grandmother and wish her Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, shit like that just to dick with her.
> 
> My Dad would go to the park and he would talk to them, then gave them our address. So now they show up looking for him. Bastard.
> 
> My wife is 7 years younger than I am. I met her family when I was in high school as it turns out I dated a couple of her cousins and then one of her aunts. I unknowingly kept it in the family. Even moved high schools, which is where I met her aunt. Makes it weird at family gatherings. She lived in San Diego at the time and I knew her Dad, but I didn't know her. Whoa, I dated my wife's, Dad's sister.
> 
> Cue banjo.
> 
> Anyway....
> 
> My "girlfriend" was a JW by default. So "grandma", in her best "old lady Guamanian" said "if you want to date her, you must study our religion". Fair enough.
> 
> Wacko.
> 
> I fell out of favor when I did the following; They have this belief that 144,000 will sit at the right hand of God. So I asked how many members there were in the JW church. "Millions world wide" they beamed. Fair enough. They also believe that they are the only "TRUE" faith, and therefore will be the only ones to sit with God.
> 
> So, I said, "If you're the only true faith, and there are millions of you, what happens to the surplus of your members that won't get to sit with God, since only 144,000 of you get to do it? The math isn't working for me."
> 
> Lesson over, kicked out of the house, relationship over, forbidden to ever see her again and so on. Which worked for a good 15 years until I met my wife, who just happened to move in next door...:twisted:


Wait.
What?
Your wife moved in next to who? And she's your sister? Or your sisters aunt? Or your father in law? I don't know how all this works. 
SMH I'm confused.


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## bigdogbuc

Arizona Infidel said:


> Wait.
> What?
> Your wife moved in next to who? And she's your sister? Or your sisters aunt? Or your father in law? I don't know how all this works.
> SMH I'm confused.


No silly. My wife was my neighbor before she became my wife. Turns out (in a really weird and uncomfortable way) I dated her dad's sister (my wife's aunt) back in high school. He was considerably older than the girl I was dating, who was his sister. My brother-in-law is a year older than I am, so it was quite the spread in years. I had not spoken to or seen what turned out to be my wife's family in 15 years and one day this hottie moved in next door from San Diego.

She didn't talk to her family for the most part because they're kind of out there. It wasn't until after we started dating that we both kind of went "Hey wait a minute. How do you know....?" Talk about a "What the ****" moment! It started with realizing I knew her grandmother...

Just one of my really weird tales of "No Way. Are You Serious?"

Kind of like a trip to Canada when I was 18...


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## AquaHull

Inor said:


> So a Jehovah's Witness showed up at our door this morning handing out some kind of flyer. I did take the time to read it, and wish I hadn't. Appearently they are having some kind of big gathering at the Brewers stadium for 3 days where they are going to talk about why we need a One World Government, how to establish it and who should lead it.
> 
> I had always thought the Jehovah's Witlesses were apolitical. I certainly never considered them to be one-worlders! Who knew?
> 
> So now I have to put back bacon to pop off the Muslims and birthday cakes for the damn Witnesses!


Well they have the Sabbath right and it's an abomination to eat swine. So have at it.


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## catfisherman

They caught me out in the yard 2 weeks ago talking to my neighbor , lucky my yard is fenced in and my dogs will bite . The neighbor has a pot belly pig that he calls his attack pig . He turned that sumbitch loose out the gate and it ran them up the road about 2 blocks , we laughed our ass off . The pig really is not an attack pig , but loves attention and saw some new folks to try getting it from . They actually started back towards us after the pig gave up and came back . They were laughing , but you could tell they was not to sure , but still had the balls to give us both a flyer and ask if the pig was trained to run people off ... lmao 

Once I told them to more less piss off that I had no interest in their bullshit , they went on down the road . My wife and daughter says I am to mean to folks both at the door and on the phone ..... lol


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## Oddcaliber

You'll never believe this, the Jehovah Witnesses are here in New Orleans at a convention. They are using the Super Dome! At least I'm one parrish over in Jefferson. (what we call a county here)


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## Inor

I guess they are doing this one world government schtick all over the country then?!?

Had I seen them in time this morning I would have started singing "Happy Birthday" to Mrs Inor since it is her birthday today. Unfortunately, I cannot see much of our front yard from inside the house unless I am right at the window looking down.


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## Slippy

bigdogbuc said:


> Dude, they hit my door yesterday, with the same thing. Except it's in Seattle and all these important JW's from around the world would be in attendance and holy moly...
> 
> We're nice to them because half of my wife's family are JW's. My deceased father-in-law is the only one who didn't "convert". He used to call my wife's grandmother and wish her Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, shit like that just to dick with her.
> 
> My Dad would go to the park and he would talk to them, then gave them our address. So now they show up looking for him. Bastard.
> 
> My wife is 7 years younger than I am. I met her family when I was in high school as it turns out I dated a couple of her cousins and then one of her aunts. I unknowingly kept it in the family. Even moved high schools, which is where I met her aunt. Makes it weird at family gatherings. She lived in San Diego at the time and I knew her Dad, but I didn't know her. Whoa, I dated my wife's, Dad's sister.
> 
> Cue banjo.
> 
> Anyway....
> 
> My "girlfriend" was a JW by default. So "grandma", in her best "old lady Guamanian" said "if you want to date her, you must study our religion". Fair enough.
> 
> Wacko.
> 
> I fell out of favor when I did the following; They have this belief that 144,000 will sit at the right hand of God. So I asked how many members there were in the JW church. "Millions world wide" they beamed. Fair enough. They also believe that they are the only "TRUE" faith, and therefore will be the only ones to sit with God.
> 
> So, I said, "If you're the only true faith, and there are millions of you, what happens to the surplus of your members that won't get to sit with God, since only 144,000 of you get to do it? The math isn't working for me."
> 
> Lesson over, kicked out of the house, relationship over, forbidden to ever see her again and so on. Which worked for a good 15 years until I met my wife, who just happened to move in next door...:twisted:


Reading this Forum is like visiting an Amusement Park...I feel soooooo good about myself! :grin:


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## Inor

bigdogbuc said:


> Dude, they hit my door yesterday, with the same thing. Except it's in Seattle and all these important JW's from around the world would be in attendance and holy moly...
> 
> We're nice to them because half of my wife's family are JW's. My deceased father-in-law is the only one who didn't "convert". He used to call my wife's grandmother and wish her Happy Birthday, Merry Christmas, shit like that just to dick with her.
> 
> My Dad would go to the park and he would talk to them, then gave them our address. So now they show up looking for him. Bastard.
> 
> My wife is 7 years younger than I am. I met her family when I was in high school as it turns out I dated a couple of her cousins and then one of her aunts. I unknowingly kept it in the family. Even moved high schools, which is where I met her aunt. Makes it weird at family gatherings. She lived in San Diego at the time and I knew her Dad, but I didn't know her. Whoa, I dated my wife's, Dad's sister.
> 
> Cue banjo.
> 
> Anyway....
> 
> My "girlfriend" was a JW by default. So "grandma", in her best "old lady Guamanian" said "if you want to date her, you must study our religion". Fair enough.
> 
> Wacko.
> 
> I fell out of favor when I did the following; They have this belief that 144,000 will sit at the right hand of God. So I asked how many members there were in the JW church. "Millions world wide" they beamed. Fair enough. They also believe that they are the only "TRUE" faith, and therefore will be the only ones to sit with God.
> 
> So, I said, "If you're the only true faith, and there are millions of you, what happens to the surplus of your members that won't get to sit with God, since only 144,000 of you get to do it? The math isn't working for me."
> 
> Lesson over, kicked out of the house, relationship over, forbidden to ever see her again and so on. Which worked for a good 15 years until I met my wife, who just happened to move in next door...:twisted:


I thought it was weird that Mrs Inor's mom was my 11th grade English teacher. But I never swapped spit with her or anything.


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## pheniox17

Old SF Guy said:


> I have the Son of God....


you always are a surprise old sf


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## AquaHull

Old SF Guy said:


> YOu know I usually take pride in trying to understand the religious points of view of others...But this one beats me. Take away the fact that they profess to only be witnesses of this planet and the dichotomy of pushing a one world government and lets just focus on the belief that they and by their attempts to enroll me in their ranks, all of us are supposed to not be involved in world affairs. I have to simply ask...what sort of a God would create and then tell his creations...."Now don;t you get involved in that I have created...just witness and convert." My God says to live your life and cling to one another..to love thy neighbor...To render unto Caesar those things that are Caesars. To be a peculiar people that shows God you love him. That you have honor, compassion, Love, forgiveness, and understanding. He gave us minds to create with. He gave us voices to discuss, debate, exchange ideas. Am I a good CHristian...not at all. I'm as much a sinner as anyone....but if the purpose of life and my salvation rests solely on simply watching others live their life and believing that they are going to hell for being involved then whats the point And as a final note to those who keep saying Saturday is the Sabbath...CHristians do not worship on SUnday because it's the Sabbath...it's not...We worship on SUnday because CHrist was crucified on Friday and rose on Sunday...Or at least thats the way I have been taught my whole life. THe Jews and others keep the Sabbath as demanded by the OT and the Tora. THey have the laws....I have the Son of God....


I have a little question here. How do you get 3 days and 3 nights from Friday noon to Sunday morning. The only sign we as a people were to be given ,was spoke of by Christ himself,was that he would be like Jonah in the belly of the whale.3 days and 3 nights,then he would rise.Looks like it has to be a Monday Morning Resurrection for a Friday Crucifixation


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## bigdogbuc

Inor said:


> I thought it was weird that Mrs Inor's mom was my 11th grade English teacher. But I never swapped spit with her or anything.


Don't judge....


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## pheniox17

Old SF Guy said:


> Yeah one day I'm all F...this that or them and then I'm talking about Christ...All I can say is...I'm a mess...have been for a while...I'm trying to be better...and I would be if it weren't for all these cock suckers in the world....They are lowering my chances of making it to heaven one bad decision at a time.


have a look at the poem "footprints" it will suit you man


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## tirednurse

have to say I'm ashamed of the way you people make fun of those trying to do what they feel is right according to their religious beliefs. Who are we to judge what is right or wrong? all religions have their good and their bad points. You choose not to believe then move on, go find some other means of religion or don't, but don't torture people for their right to believe the way they have chosen. Isn't this one of the rights we have fought so hard to maintain for ourselves in this country? Or is the only one of our constitutional rights that really means something to you the right to have as many guns as you want just in case you need to kill someone?


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## Arizona Infidel

bigdogbuc said:


> No silly. My wife was my neighbor before she became my wife. Turns out (in a really weird and uncomfortable way) I dated her dad's sister (my wife's aunt) back in high school. He was considerably older than the girl I was dating, who was his sister. My brother-in-law is a year older than I am, so it was quite the spread in years. I had not spoken to or seen what turned out to be my wife's family in 15 years and one day this hottie moved in next door from San Diego.
> 
> She didn't talk to her family for the most part because they're kind of out there. It wasn't until after we started dating that we both kind of went "Hey wait a minute. How do you know....?" Talk about a "What the ****" moment! It started with realizing I knew her grandmother...
> 
> Just one of my really weird tales of "No Way. Are You Serious?"
> 
> Kind of like a trip to Canada when I was 18...


 oK. So which one did Granny ban you from dating your wife or her aunt?


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## pheniox17

tirednurse said:


> have to say I'm ashamed of the way you people make fun of those trying to do what they feel is right according to their religious beliefs. Who are we to judge what is right or wrong? all religions have their good and their bad points. You choose not to believe then move on, go find some other means of religion or don't, but don't torture people for their right to believe the way they have chosen. Isn't this one of the rights we have fought so hard to maintain for ourselves in this country? Or is the only one of our constitutional rights that really means something to you the right to have as many guns as you want just in case you need to kill someone?


we have a few other rights, the freedom of speech, freedom of opinion, and the right to enjoy my Sunday afternoon beer without having religion forced down me

I don't think anyone attacked a person about their beliefs, the structure and the way the belief is enforced is disagreeable, and using our freedom of speech right we have publicly voiced our distaste, but in no way I see anyone here targeting this religious group in a violent manor or going to a jw temple and discrediting what they believe, and as such we respect their freedom to believe what they like, and as such we exercise our freedom of speech


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## Inor

tirednurse said:


> have to say I'm ashamed of the way you people make fun of those trying to do what they feel is right according to their religious beliefs. Who are we to judge what is right or wrong? all religions have their good and their bad points. You choose not to believe then move on, go find some other means of religion or don't, but don't torture people for their right to believe the way they have chosen. Isn't this one of the rights we have fought so hard to maintain for ourselves in this country? Or is the only one of our constitutional rights that really means something to you the right to have as many guns as you want just in case you need to kill someone?


If you did not deduce that I think ANY religion (or in this case cult) promoting one world government is a really bad idea, then I apologize. Let me state this clearly, ANY GOVERNMENT, RELIGION, SOCIAL ORGANIZATION OR FREAKIN PTA THAT SUPPORTS ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT needs to be dismissed, mocked and ridiculed to the point of extreme embarrassment. If you choose to associate yourself with a group that wants to subjugate me to a "one world government", then have a nice day and move on.

By the way: I do not have my guns "in case I need to kill someone"; I have them because the Constitution says it is my right to have them and I like them.


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## Slippy

tirednurse said:


> have to say I'm ashamed of the way you people make fun of those trying to do what they feel is right...


I beg to differ with Tired Nurse...what we have here is an Equal Opportunity Forum to make fun of EVERYBODY regardless of creed, color, religion etc. Especially those who are trying to establish a one world government, or muslimes. ::clapping::


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## GTGallop

pheniox17 said:


> have a look at the poem "footprints" it will suit you man











This one?


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## GTGallop

tirednurse said:


> have to say I'm ashamed of the way you people make fun of those trying to do what they feel is right according to their religious beliefs. Who are we to judge what is right or wrong? all religions have their good and their bad points.


While I absolutely agree with you, I also agree that you have to laugh a little to make it through this great big crazy world - and as long as EVERY ONE is fair game, yourself and myself included, then there is no harm. I'm not judging that any religious belief is right or wrong. That's out of scope for me. But what I do notice are the little things that make each religion different and unique.

To prove my point I'll tell you that I grew up Catholic, married a Baptist in a Methodist Church, and had our daughter Christened in a Methodist Church, and now attend a non-denominational church about once a month. My sister and her family are Mormon / LDS and mom and dad haven't seen the inside of a church since 1983, but still love Jesus. I pray every night and read passages from the bible almost every day. So I understand the core pillars of Christianity and through my Jewish friends even some of their faith as well. I also read from Buddhist books on occasion and enjoy the philosophies of balance and harmony with nature that they teach. It is strangely in line with the part of my heritage that is Native American.

So I see no folly in joking with people about the unique differences between the various religions. Doesn't mean I hate other faiths or even judge other faiths. It's like Robin Williams once said, "Joke'em if they can't take a F*ck!"


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## Old SF Guy

tirednurse said:


> have to say I'm ashamed of the way you people make fun of those trying to do what they feel is right according to their religious beliefs. Who are we to judge what is right or wrong? all religions have their good and their bad points. You choose not to believe then move on, go find some other means of religion or don't, but don't torture people for their right to believe the way they have chosen. Isn't this one of the rights we have fought so hard to maintain for ourselves in this country? Or is the only one of our constitutional rights that really means something to you the right to have as many guns as you want just in case you need to kill someone?


Tired Nurse where I can almost agree with you, I will add that I wasn't making fun of them...I was simply saying I don't get it. I have a Jehovah WItness church less than a mile from me and I see them all the time. I offer them bottled water when they walk our streets on hot days and I'm always kind to them because they are doing the work they believe in. BUt as far as what they believe I just do not get it. One particular religion out there I have nothing bust disgust towards and at times I have railed against it, mocked it, made fun of it and cursed the so alled prophet that created it. So with that...I am guilty as charged.


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## MI.oldguy

I don't make fun of any religious belief.my brother crossed from catholicism to JW after he met his 2nd wife.the part of the family I met and some of the members seemed to be really grounded and loving.very nice people.they told me that their particular assembly will not try to shove their religion down your throat.they may come to your door and talk to you but,the ones I met never tried to convert me at all.in fact some of this assembly are just like us,they own firearms and prep like we do!.I never had any issues at all with the mormons (one of my close friends was one and they are good people also)or the JW's.I have also met some very nice Muslim families that I would not have an issue with.as long as I am left to practice my religion of choice,I'm good.but,the extemeists that are going to try and blow us christians of any type of faith off the planet for their beliefs are the ones that really need to be reckoned with though.but, thats for another thread.


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## bigdogbuc

Arizona Infidel said:


> oK. So which one did Granny ban you from dating your wife or her aunt?


The Aunt. Duh. :roll: Granny didn't know about my wife until it was too late!!! I am Ninja...


----------



## Inor

bigdogbuc said:


> The Aunt. Duh. :roll: Granny didn't know about my wife until it was too late!!! I am Ninja...


BigDogBuc: The LOVE Ninja!!!  I like it!


----------



## Slippy

Inor said:


> BigDogBuc: The LOVE Ninja!!!  I like it!


Is it the Vodka Tonics with Lime or is The Love Ninja some of the funniest shit I ever heard!

On a side note, I've got more damn cucumbers than you can shake a stick with...I feel like Bubba from Forrest Gump...Sliced Cucumbers, Boiled Cucumbers, Cucumbers with vinegar, Cucumbers with sugar, cucumbers on sandwiches, cucumbers peeled, cucumbers....They haunt my dreams.


----------



## bigdogbuc

Inor said:


> BigDogBuc: The LOVE Ninja!!!  I like it!


----------



## Inor

BWHAHAHA!!! :lol: :lol: :lol:

You bastard! You did it again! I have to fly off in a couple hours and now I am going to be thinking of this and laughing to myself the whole flight and people are going to stare at me and think I am weirder than I usually am!


----------



## SquirrelBait

From Jehovah's Witnesses to Love Ninjas... smh... LOL


----------



## Seneca

Recently had a Jehovah witness knock on the door. She was attractive. I said thanks but no thanks to the watchtower. It's a minor inconvenience, to politely tell them not interested. Though on the other hand who wouldn't want to talk to an attractive lady. Kind of a sneaky way to get you listening to the pitch.


----------



## bigdogbuc

Seneca said:


> Recently had a Jehovah witness knock on the door. She was attractive. I said thanks but no thanks to the watchtower. It's a minor inconvenience, to politely tell them not interested. Though on the other hand who wouldn't want to talk to an attractive lady. Kind of a sneaky way to get you listening to the pitch.


It's called "Flirt to Convert". I only saw one of the ones that showed up at my door as my wife talked to them. She was VERY attractive. Here's the low down on JW's. And I say this from personal experience. Many of them "live the lifestyle", only on Sunday. As many religions do. Which is why I'm a bad Mormon because I refuse to put on a facade and be a "Good Mormon" on Sunday, then behave anyway I want because I get to repent on the next Sunday. I'm not a pretender. It goes against what we are supposed to do. I cannot tell you how many people I know, even some in our leadership, that flat out lie to obtain their Temple Recommends.

But the biggest issue I have with JW's is not their belief system (as a Mormon we believe that each person is entitled to worship as they choose and we will respect that, and all we ask is the same in return); it is they will be your "friend" until they realize that you are not interested in converting to their belief system. At that point they shun you and severe the "friendship" completely because that's what their "leadership" commands them to do. They also use their own "paraphrased" version of the bible to give legitimacy to their belief system. Rather than base their system of belief on the bible, they have re-arranged the bible to fit their system of belief.

They are, as mentioned in this thread, believers in a One World Order, that will be ruled by the followers of Jehovah, and Earth will be a Utopia. Their leadership is rife with corruption, self service and power based. Because, when the Utopia is created, guess who would be in power, according to their doctrine? So it's very important to the leaders that they exclude and rid themselves of those who will not blindly follow. At least as a Mormon, we are "counseled" to do or not do this or that, but it's up to us how we choose to proceed.

I view JW's to be almost as dangerous as Scientologist's and Fundamentalist or Re-Organized Latter Day Saints (spin off's of the Mormon Church) as far as their system of beliefs and ideology. They can be a very volatile, controlling group.


----------



## Pir8fan

I just use my peep hole. If I don't know the person, I don't answer the door.


----------



## Arizona Infidel

bigdogbuc said:


> The Aunt. Duh. :roll: Granny didn't know about my wife until it was too late!!! I am Ninja...





Inor said:


> BigDogBuc: The LOVE Ninja!!!  I like it!


 NICE. 
OK. Now that I've got the whole inbred hillbilly sex and marriage subject understood I can move on to the subject of Mormons and Jehovah's witnesses. Bdb, I live in Arizona, in fact I live right behind the Mormon church. I work for Mormons. I know Mormons. I also have a relative on my wife's side that is JW. You shouldn't be throwing stones. And that's all I'll say about that. 
As far as the JW support of a one world govt. I wonder if they think they are helping bring along the end times? It is in the bible. That's what the antichrist is, is it not?


----------



## bigdogbuc

Arizona Infidel said:


> NICE.
> OK. Now that I've got the whole inbred hillbilly sex and marriage subject understood I can move on to the subject of Mormons and Jehovah's witnesses. Bdb, I live in Arizona, in fact I live right behind the Mormon church. I work for Mormons. I know Mormons. I also have a relative on my wife's side that is JW. You shouldn't be throwing stones. And that's all I'll say about that.
> As far as the JW support of a one world govt. I wonder if they think they are helping bring along the end times? It is in the bible. That's what the antichrist is, is it not?


Just for the record...I NEVER SLEPT WITH HER. Honest. None of them. That's the only reason my wife married me! That would have made it REALLY weird!!!!


----------



## pheniox17

GTGallop said:


> View attachment 5669
> 
> 
> This one?


Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along
the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed
across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in
the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets
of footprints,
other times there were one set
of footprints.
This bothered me because
I noticed
that during the low periods
of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of
footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my
life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the
sand.
Why, when I needed
you most,
you have not been
there for me?"
The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."
Mary
Stevenson
Copyright © 1984 Mary

that one bro


----------



## Smokin04

The last time they came to my door...I offered them some lemonade and a seat on my porch. I had a bone to pick with them. So after an hour of dancing around my questions without providing any answers, I told them that they were upsetting my internal alien DNA which was prone to violent behavior around bull shit. When I stood up very quickly and shoved the chair out from under me with the backs of my knees and growled at them...they put the glasses down and exited my yard rather ubruptly. I even offered them a refill...they didn't even look back. I thought that was rude.

So now I just answer my door naked with a shotgun. They usually leave immediately.


----------



## Spooky110

Inor said:


> So a Jehovah's Witness showed up at our door this morning handing out some kind of flyer. I did take the time to read it, and wish I hadn't. Appearently they are having some kind of big gathering at the Brewers stadium for 3 days where they are going to talk about why we need a One World Government, how to establish it and who should lead it.
> 
> I had always thought the Jehovah's Witlesses were apolitical. I certainly never considered them to be one-worlders! Who knew?
> 
> So now I have to put back bacon to pop off the Muslims and birthday cakes for the damn Witnesses!


Come out in your skivvies, smoking and fondling a firearm. They haven't bothered me since.

(I wish I were joking, they called the police)


----------



## rice paddy daddy

tirednurse said:


> have to say I'm ashamed of the way you people make fun of those trying to do what they feel is right according to their religious beliefs. Who are we to judge what is right or wrong? all religions have their good and their bad points. You choose not to believe then move on, go find some other means of religion or don't, but don't torture people for their right to believe the way they have chosen. Isn't this one of the rights we have fought so hard to maintain for ourselves in this country? Or is the only one of our constitutional rights that really means something to you the right to have as many guns as you want just in case you need to kill someone?


Ma'am, please explain how your belief system embraces Muslims who cut off the heads of unbelievers with dull knives, on video. Muslims who subjugate, disfigure, torture, and kill their women. 
After all, they are just doing "what they feel is right according to their religious beliefs."


----------



## Seneca

Jehovah witnesses really don't bother me that much, I don't know if anybody remembers this but in the 60's it use to be fairly common for many different types of religious groups to go door to door after Sunday services.


----------



## Inor

I have only ever known one JW. I never got around to making fun of him for his religion. He was, without question, the worst programmer I have ever worked with. So, in the four plus years that I worked with him I was far too busy making fun of him for not doing his damn job.

I have known several LDS folks. They always impressed me as decent, hard working, nice folks to be around. Until 2012, however, I never took the time to try to understand their faith. When Romney got the nod, I did dig into their beliefs a bit and discovered that I REALLY like and respect them. I do not share their faith, But I have a TON of respect for their faith. Anybody that believes the United States was created specifically by God is okay in my book. The same thing about a faith that teaches to put back some food and supplies during the good times so you can provide for yourself during the lean times.Any faith that teaches having a few guns to be able to protect yourself and your family is VERY refreshing.


----------



## Lucky Jim

JW's refuse to fight in wars, so most of them probably only became JW's in the first place to have an easy get-out if ever they have to dodge a draft.
So if JW's had been running America in 1941 there wouldn't BE an America, it'd be split in two along the Mississippi with the nazis controlling the eastern half and the japs controlling the western half..


----------



## Seneca

Inor,
I was for Romney in 2012, He presents a nice guy image, which is very common among Mormons and that may well have been his undoing. We desperately needed somebody with a business background and solid work ethic in 2012 and didn't get it. Water under the bridge as they say. I too have a lot of respect for the Mormons.


----------



## Nathan Jefferson

pheniox17 said:


> somewhere they were linked to 2000 and 2012
> 
> so this one world government maybe all the conspiracy theorists were wrong, its not Rothschild, but Jehovah's whiteness that's leading the way


Competing teams - same game.


----------



## Nathan Jefferson

Inor said:


> I have only ever known one JW. I never got around to making fun of him for his religion. He was, without question, the worst programmer I have ever worked with. So, in the four plus years that I worked with him I was far too busy making fun of him for not doing his damn job.
> 
> I have known several LDS folks. They always impressed me as decent, hard working, nice folks to be around. Until 2012, however, I never took the time to try to understand their faith. When Romney got the nod, I did dig into their beliefs a bit and discovered that I REALLY like and respect them. I do not share their faith, But I have a TON of respect for their faith. Anybody that believes the United States was created specifically by God is okay in my book. The same thing about a faith that teaches to put back some food and supplies during the good times so you can provide for yourself during the lean times.Any faith that teaches having a few guns to be able to protect yourself and your family is VERY refreshing.


FOr anyone else interested in learning about LDS I suggest the Southpark episode about Joseph Smith... wonderful. ANd to think I got 2/3rds the way through the episode before I recognized what the background music was...


----------



## bigdogbuc

Nathan Jefferson said:


> FOr anyone else interested in learning about LDS I suggest the Southpark episode about Joseph Smith... wonderful. ANd to think I got 2/3rds the way through the episode before I recognized what the background music was...


I wouldn't use a South Park episode to teach me how to wipe my ass, although I finally learned what a Ginger was. My wife and I did find the Mormon episode kind of funny. But ignorance can be humorous at times.

-Mormon


----------



## Lucky Jim

Joseph Smith had 35 wives and Brigham Young had 55, and for the life of me I can't quite see what's Christian about that?
And yes I know it's none of my bizness what others believe, but the danger is the oddball notions of them and other cults bring the whole of Christianity into disrepute and get Jesus a bad name.
I've got Christian leanings but have never felt the need to belong to any church or group because Jesus said-
_"You have *one* teacher, *me*" (Matt 23:10) _..


----------



## RogerD

Lucky Jim said:


> Joseph Smith had 35 wives and Brigham Young had 55, and for the life of me I can't quite see what's Christian about that?
> And yes I know it's none of my bizness what others believe, but the danger is the oddball notions of them and other cults bring the whole of Christianity into disrepute and get Jesus a bad name.
> I've got Christian leanings but have never felt the need to belong to any church or group because Jesus said-
> _"You have *one* teacher, *me*" (Matt 23:10) _..


Thats the great thing about starting your own religion. Your religion, your rules.


----------



## Inor

Lucky Jim said:


> Joseph Smith had 35 wives and Brigham Young had 55, and for the life of me I can't quite see what's Christian about that?
> And yes I know it's none of my bizness what others believe, but the danger is the oddball notions of them and other cults bring the whole of Christianity into disrepute and get Jesus a bad name.
> I've got Christian leanings but have never felt the need to belong to any church or group because Jesus said-
> _"You have *one* teacher, *me*" (Matt 23:10) _..


As I understand it, they were originally settled in Missouri. There was literally a bounty placed on them, and they were nearly exterminated before they could resettle in Utah. The whole multiple wives thing only lasted for a short time (in the mainstream LDS faith) and was practiced primarily to get their numbers back up. It is also forbidden and has been for many years by the mainstream LDS faith. Please correct me if I am wrong BigDog.

But the multiple wives thing is also another testament to the strength of their faith. There is no way in hell I would take on a second Mrs Inor even if God Himself demanded it! I cannot manage the one I have!


----------



## Seneca

Technically the difference between a cult and a religion is size. Once a cult gains enough member to go culturally mainstream then it becomes a recognized religion. In that sense all religions have roots in being a cult, some cults go on to become widely recognized religions while other fade into obscurity.


----------



## jro1

Inor said:


> So a Jehovah's Witness showed up at our door this morning handing out some kind of flyer. I did take the time to read it, and wish I hadn't. Appearently they are having some kind of big gathering at the Brewers stadium for 3 days where they are going to talk about why we need a One World Government, how to establish it and who should lead it.
> 
> I had always thought the Jehovah's Witlesses were apolitical. I certainly never considered them to be one-worlders! Who knew?
> 
> So now I have to put back bacon to pop off the Muslims and birthday cakes for the damn Witnesses!


the wife always hits them up with fun facts about Jesus, and they usually leave without answering her questions, now they always bypass our house, but have noticed them talking to our neighbor a few times, he just got back from Afghanistan a year and a half ago. I'm kind of wondering if he needs a little guidance to swing him away from the jehovah's?!?!


----------



## Old SF Guy

I truly, Truly believe in religious freedom...or ones right to not have one....right up until you attempt to affect me and mine. You can be a bald guy worshiping a can of Pledge for all I care...just leave me the hell alone. Yes you can talk about it and you can ask me if I would like to join your "Look younger and shinier church of pledge polish pontiffs" but once I say no...leave me alone. Don't keep asking me to come watch you pledge your bald head at church or donate to your buff rag fund...or any other such nonsense. I figured I would use a non religion so as not to raise any unwanted confrontations....and I apologize if your a bald, pledge polishing person....


----------



## bigdogbuc

Inor said:


> As I understand it, they were originally settled in Missouri. There was literally a bounty placed on them, and they were nearly exterminated before they could resettle in Utah. The whole multiple wives thing only lasted for a short time (in the mainstream LDS faith) and was practiced primarily to get their numbers back up. It is also forbidden and has been for many years by the mainstream LDS faith. Please correct me if I am wrong BigDog.
> 
> But the multiple wives thing is also another testament to the strength of their faith. There is no way in hell I would take on a second Mrs Inor even if God Himself demanded it! I cannot manage the one I have!


You're mostly right Inor.

I laugh when people refer to us a "Cult". The official name of our church, is not Mormons, it's not LDS, it's "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints". You'll note "Jesus Christ" in there. We are Christian. Surprising I know. We use the Kings James version of the Holy Bible, just like the Catholics, as we feel that it is the most true and correct interpretation of the word of God.

We also have the "Book of Mormon", which we believe to be another Testament of, you guessed it, Jesus Christ. Not a Testament of Joseph Smith. If the New Testament is a record of his dealings with the Jews, in our mind, what is so "out there" that they were the only ones he ever spoke to?

We also have "The Pearl of Great Price", which the church obtained and include the books of Moses and Abraham. Don't see that in the "regular" bible do you? There are many books that are not in the bible. We also have "Doctrine and Covenants".

Our "Doctrine" is in writing for ALL to see. They are fundamentally the steadfast rules by which the church is governed, making sure that only true and correct principles, as we understand them, are being taught. There are no "mercenary freelancers" in our church. If someone is not teaching the correct principals (based on the Bible/B.O.M/D&C), they are quickly removed and counseled or taught what he correct principles are. You can walk into any building, anywhere in the world, at 9 am Sunday morning and the messages will be the same.

Our "Covenants" are promises that we have made with God. Again, in writing and for ALL to see.

We also have 13 Articles of Faith that have never been revised since the day they were written by Joseph Smith. And they too, are in writing for all to see.

We do not worship Joseph Smith. We worship God and his son, Jesus Christ. We believe in the Holy Ghost.

If you think about what a bible really is, regardless of the nature of its contents, it is nothing more than a Big Book, with a bunch of Little Books contained inside. With the Holy Bible, we are not allowed to remove writings or change its interpretation as originally written. We can't "pick and choose or paraphrase" the word of God. However, there isn't anything I can find that says adding books to it isn't okay. A touchy subject for sure.

There are many books in the Bible. The Book of Mormon is simply an additional one. And if you ever read it, you would find it strangely similar in teachings to the Bible "all of you are used to". Mostly because it is full of the same principles and teachings of Jesus Christ, because it is another testament.

In "our bible", there are two additions that are referred to as "Official Declarations". Two. Over the entire history of the church. The first one was written and published in 1890 publicly disavowing plural marriage. It had been denounced prior to that, however, some of the folks didn't quite get it. So the President of our church, Wilford Woodruff stood before the world and made an "Official Declaration" against it as well as sending press dispatches.

Yes, at one time, there had been plural marriages within the church. However, this did not mean that the men were having intimate relations with the women they were "married too". Men in the church were commanded to care for the women and all women were to be "married". I can not find the exact spot where this was at one time "okay", so I can not provide a "citation of facts". But it was okay at one point, and not for the perverted reasons that we see with the FLDS and their 14 year old brides. Those are simply child molester's justifying their behavior behind the veil of "religion". Which is why WE, do not recognize THEM.

We were chased out of everywhere we went. Which is how the church wound up in Utah. It wasn't U.S. Territory at the time and was the only safe place we could find. When it became a territory, we obeyed the law of the land and plural marriages were denounced. We actually follow the law of the land.

The foundation of our church is based on the cornerstone of the Church of Jesus Christ, right down to having 12 Apostles.

I would like you to take a moment to read, in a nutshell, what "Mormons" are really supposed to be about, the things we "aspire" to try and be. Some of us are better at it than others, just like any faith;

*The Articles of Faith of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

* 1. We believe in God, the Eternal Father, and in his Son, Jesus Christ, and in the Holy Ghost.
2. We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam's transgression.
3. We believe that through the Atonement of Christ, all mankind may be saved, by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.
4. We believe that the first principles and ordinances of the Gospel are: first, Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; second, Repentance; third, Baptism by immersion for the remission of sins; fourth, Laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost.
5. We believe that a man must be called of God, by prophecy, and by the laying on of hands by those who are in authority, to preach the Gospel and adminsiter in the ordinances thereof.
6. We believe in the same organization that existed in the Primitive Church, namely, apostles, prophets, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and so forth.
7. We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth.
8. We believe the Bible to be the word of God as far as it is translated correctly; we also believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of God.
9. We believe all that God has revealed, all that he does now reveal, and we believe that he will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God.
10. We believe in the literal gathering of Israel and in the restoration of the Ten Tribes; that Zion (the New Jerusalem) will be built upon the American continent; that Christ will reign personally upon the earth; and, that the earth will be renewed and receive its paradisiacal glory.
11. We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may. 
12. We believe in being subject to kings, presidents, rulers, and magistrates, in obeying, honoring, and sustaining the law.

And my personal favorite;

13. We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men; indeed we may say that we follow the admonition of Paul - we believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.

Hopefully that will alleviate any misconceptions some may have.

How was that Inor?


----------



## Inor

You da man BigDog!

Thanks! I have not read it laid out that succinctly before. And that is why I like LDS folks even though we share different faiths!


----------



## Deebo

Damn, I came here to laugh and I learned something. I hate when you guys fool me into reading these threads.
Seriously, I see it as an inconvience, but I do respect the people out "spreading their beliefs", becouse they have that much faith. 
I love all yall,


----------



## Inor

Deebo said:


> Damn, I came here to laugh and I learned something. I hate when you guys fool me into reading these threads.
> Seriously, I see it as an inconvience, but I do respect the people out "spreading their beliefs", becouse they have that much faith.
> I love all yall,


D -

We're just trying to help you live a well-rounded life.  Laugh on one thread, learn something on another. I'll let BigDog explain that whole Yin-Yang thing to you since he is now the Love Ninja! :lol:


----------



## Old SF Guy

Like I said...Mormon...Jehovah witness...Pledge polish ...I support your right to practice it.


----------



## bigdogbuc

Inor said:


> D -
> 
> We're just trying to help you live a well-rounded life.  Laugh on one thread, learn something on another. I'll let BigDog explain that whole Yin-Yang thing to you since he is now the Love Ninja! :lol:


----------



## Inor

bigdogbuc said:


>


::clapping:: :lol: ::clapping:: :lol: ::clapping::

That's freakin' awesome pal!


----------



## Old SF Guy

bigdogbuc said:


>


is that one of the books or just a short story?


----------



## Old SF Guy

bigdogbuc said:


>


Oh I got it...Chapter 1...verse 1....in the beginning...........


----------



## Inor

Naw, he's just like Mrs Inor. She is also always saying that I am #1!


----------



## bigdogbuc

Inor said:


> ::clapping:: :lol: ::clapping:: :lol: ::clapping::
> 
> That's freakin' awesome pal!


No, this is...


----------



## Inor

bigdogbuc said:


> No, this is...


Because he can...


----------



## Old SF Guy

bigdogbuc said:


> No, this is...


now that is funny....I think....or disturbing....er...naw....funny as hell.


----------



## Old SF Guy

bigdogbuc said:


> No, this is...


Does it have a finger in its ass too???? OMG....funny.


----------



## bigdogbuc

I'm going to hell for sure...oh wait, we don't believe in hell. It can't be good though...


----------



## Old SF Guy

yep...only two? chromosomes and a lack of internet awareness separating us...


----------



## bigdogbuc

Old SF Guy said:


> Does it have a finger in its ass too???? OMG....funny.


...can't breathe.... :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

oh shit.....crying now.....


----------



## Old SF Guy

Hell you know damn well if we could do that we would....sick animals...lucky bastards.


----------



## Inor

Old SF Guy said:


> Hell you know damn well if we could do that we would....sick animals...lucky bastards.


Okay! You are both a couple of pricks! I am laughing so hard it hurts!


----------



## Old SF Guy

you know i'm right.....we would....oh damn i'm crying here.....lol


----------



## SquirrelBait

Whaaaaat the... I go away for a day, And I come back to this?? smh... LOL


----------



## Old SF Guy

Oh shit I can't breath now.....awwwwwgggghh


SquirrelBait said:


> Whaaaaat the... I go away for a day, And I come back to this?? smh... LOL


----------



## Old SF Guy

bigdogbuc said:


> No, this is...


just cause


----------



## SquirrelBait

What do JWs, Love Ninjas, And masturbating monkeys have in common? 
>
>
>
Wait for it...
>
>
US!!!

*snarf!*


----------



## Inor

SquirrelBait said:


> Whaaaaat the... I go away for a day, And I come back to this?? smh... LOL


Wisdom of the ages right here baby!


----------



## SquirrelBait

My dogs are looking at me like I'm a loon and my spleen hurts from laughing so hard... LOL


----------



## bigdogbuc

Arklatex said:


> Holy shit guys wtf. This thread just spiraled outta control. Lmao!!!!! That monkey though... wow


Right?


----------



## bigdogbuc




----------



## Inor

bigdogbuc said:


>


I can definitely see why you are raging success at a high school. You have that perfect mix of irreverent humor and common sense. I had a couple of teachers just like you in jr. high and those are the lessons that have stuck with me the whole way. If a bunch of guys just like you keep doing what you are doing, we will be just fine as a culture. 

Monkey on my brother!


----------



## bigdogbuc

Monkey on...


----------



## bigdogbuc

Old SF Guy said:


> Does it have a finger in its ass too???? OMG....funny.


You know; until you pointed it out, I had completely missed it. I think I was laughing too hard.

Where's YOUR head at SF? Sick ****er....:lol::lol::lol:::clapping::::clapping::::clapping:::grin::grin::grin:

Love it dude. Just love it. Classic....


----------



## pheniox17

so in the nature of forums we have fired the IHOP waitress and hired a masterbating monkey in her place.....

I'm worried... scared... and horrified at the same time, freedom of speech is one thing, but this shit is funny


----------



## Lucky Jim

Inor said:


> ..The whole multiple wives thing only lasted for a short time (in the mainstream LDS faith)...


Nevertheless, a TV docu about 4 years ago featured an LDS guy being interviewed on camera, surrounded by several of his wives..

As for the "prophet" Joseph Smith, he carried a gun and was killed in a shootout with the authorities, killing two of them in the process.
I bet he used to go round drumming up new LDS members by firing shots into their front gardens, then wave his gun in their faces when they came out and say- "I know what you're thinking, did he fire 5 shots or all 6? Now sign on the dotted line and make my day"..


----------



## rice paddy daddy

You know, the Monkey Shines photo would be good to insert into certain threads when they get carried away.
Kind of like a "bacon break" on steroids.
Just a thought.

So, Bidog, do you watch BYU-TV? Specifically The Story Trek? One of my very favorite shows.


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## bigdogbuc

Lucky Jim said:


> Nevertheless, a TV docu about 4 years ago featured an LDS guy being interviewed on camera, surrounded by several of his wives..
> 
> As for the "prophet" Joseph Smith, he carried a gun and was killed in a shootout with the authorities, killing two of them in the process.
> I bet he used to go round drumming up new LDS members by firing shots into their front gardens, then wave his gun in their faces when they came out and say- "I know what you're thinking, did he fire 5 shots or all 6? Now sign on the dotted line and make my day"..


The "guy" you were referring to is not LDS. "Mainstream LDS", as in the Salt Lake City Mormons, does not allow plural marriages. It is forbidden, and is in writing declaring so, circa 1890. When you watch a "documentary" on LDS, they will often times attempt to slip in shit like that to unsuspecting folks like you who do not know the difference, or who care to know the truth. Whatever the TV tells you is gospel I guess. "LDS" with multiple wives are typically, and known as Fundamentalist Latter-Day Saints (FLDS) and/or Reorganized Latter Day Saints (RLDS). FLDS is the whole Warren Jeffs fiasco.

FLDS and RLDS are NOT recognized by "Mainstream LDS", their actions and beliefs are heavily denounced, and they were excommunicated. They have nothing to do with the "Utah Mormons".

Yes, Joseph Smith carried a gun. We believe in protecting ourselves. The correct interpretation of the commandment is actually "Thou shalt not murder". Joseph Smith was also being held in the Carthage Jail, of which he had voluntarily surrendered to authorities when they showed up to arrest him. While being held, the jail was attacked by a mob looking to kill him (imagine, vigilante justice in the 1840's. Whodda' thunk it?). He defended himself, but was killed anyway. None of the men killed were "authorities".

Spin it however you want LJ, but you're letting your ignorance of the topic show.


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## bigdogbuc

rice paddy daddy said:


> You know, the Monkey Shines photo would be good to insert into certain threads when they get carried away.
> Kind of like a "bacon break" on steroids.
> Just a thought.
> 
> So, Bidog, do you watch BYU-TV? Specifically The Story Trek? One of my very favorite shows.


I actually do not watch BYU TV a whole lot. Though they do have some good programming, I just never seem to get there. Trying to cut down on TV anyway.


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## Lucky Jim

bigdogbuc said:


> ..Spin it however you want LJ, but you're letting your ignorance of the topic show..


I like Mormons because they're nice enough people and their beliefs are harmless enough, but JW's are a different kettle of fish because they let each other die rather than have blood transfusions and that's just plain crackpot!


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## GTGallop

I've got no beef with anybody.

If you are good to me, I'll be good back.

If that person wants to with hold medical care to loved ones (who also subscribe to that religion) out of a sacred belief, then so be it. They are keeping it within the bounds of their faith. It is when the will of the faithful exceeds the bounds of their faith that I start to take exception. Muslims want to be Muslim and do Muslim things and hang out in Muslim places - fine with me. I'm all for that kind of freedom. They want to harm non-Muslims because they are infidels contaminating the earth, well I might have just a little issue with that.

Same with any other religion. If you like it and it suits you and you get some personal connection with God, go for it. I even appreciate the open invitation to join your faith or when your faith has a holiday and you wish me a happy Ramadan or Shabat Shalom. That's like saying, "I know we are different but my religion brings me peace and I wish peace upon you as well." Lets appreciate our differences and not fight over them. I'm not changing you and you aren't changing me. But if you expect me to forego a blood transfusion because you have a religious preference, then we have issues.


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## Arizona Infidel

Inor said:


> As I understand it, they were originally settled in Missouri. There was literally a bounty placed on them, and they were nearly exterminated before they could resettle in Utah. The whole multiple wives thing only lasted for a short time (in the mainstream LDS faith) and was practiced primarily to get their numbers back up. It is also forbidden and has been for many years by the mainstream LDS faith. Please correct me if I am wrong BigDog.
> 
> But the multiple wives thing is also another testament to the strength of their faith. There is no way in hell I would take on a second Mrs Inor even if God Himself demanded it! I cannot manage the one I have!


Also remember they were responsible for the worst massacre in US history. Well, up until 9-11. 
Just like any other religion they have their dark side. The whole Book of Mormon thing is somewhat bizarre to me. Reminds me of the prophet mohumid. Also, from my personal observations I have never seen such blatant indoctrination of children. Sorry I can't go into that deeper. It's much to close to me to be able to talk about it. All that being said, I don't really have a problem with LDS. They are some great preppers and active in the community. You have your beliefs and I'll have mine. And as long as our beliefs don't infringe on each other we will both enjoy Liberty. I don't even have a problem with fundamentalist Mormons except for the whole marrying underage girls thing. Also, many of them wind up on welfare. If it weren't for that I wouldn't care what they are doing.


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## bigdogbuc

Arizona Infidel said:


> Also remember they were responsible for the worst massacre in US history. Well, up until 9-11.
> Just like any other religion they have their dark side. The whole Book of Mormon thing is somewhat bizarre to me. Reminds me of the prophet mohumid. Also, from my personal observations I have never seen such blatant indoctrination of children. Sorry I can't go into that deeper. It's much to close to me to be able to talk about it. All that being said, I don't really have a problem with LDS. They are some great preppers and active in the community. You have your beliefs and I'll have mine. And as long as our beliefs don't infringe on each other we will both enjoy Liberty. I don't even have a problem with fundamentalist Mormons except for the whole marrying underage girls thing. Also, many of them wind up on welfare. If it weren't for that I wouldn't care what they are doing.


I assume you're referring to the Mountain Meadows Massacre. It was perpetrated by Mormon members (and some natives), but was not sanctioned by the church by any means. As a matter of fact, Brigham Young was the one to initially open an investigation, in which he was lied to and told the massacre had been carried out by Paiute. BY notified Indian Affairs. Subsequent investigation was conducted by the Army, Territorial Government and the person who ultimately led the attack, John Lee, was arrested by a Mormon Territorial Judge.

He and another member had asked permission to organize the militia and were told absolutely not, that the travelers were to be left in peace. There was a war going on at the time (Utah War). They disobeyed these orders anyway, even providing false information to some of those involved.

His first trial, with 8 LDS, 4 non-LDS jurors, resulted in a hung jury. The second trial had 12 LDS jurors and he was found guilty, sentenced to death and was executed by firing squad. Of which BY said his punishment was not nearly enough to atone for the severity of the crime.

Members involved were excommunicated, others ostracized, shunned and eventually "run out of town".

The Church also erected a monument at the site in memory of the victims who were murdered.

There endeth the quick history lesson.


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## Arizona Infidel

bigdogbuc said:


> I assume you're referring to the Mountain Meadows Massacre. It was perpetrated by Mormon members (and some natives), but was not sanctioned by the church by any means. As a matter of fact, Brigham Young was the one to initially open an investigation, in which he was lied to and told the massacre had been carried out by Paiute. BY notified Indian Affairs. Subsequent investigation was conducted by the Army, Territorial Government and the person who ultimately led the attack, John Lee, was arrested by a Mormon Territorial Judge.
> 
> He and another member had asked permission to organize the militia and were told absolutely not, that the travelers were to be left in peace. There was a war going on at the time (Utah War). They disobeyed these orders anyway, even providing false information to some of those involved.
> 
> His first trial, with 8 LDS, 4 non-LDS jurors, resulted in a hung jury. The second trial had 12 LDS jurors and he was found guilty, sentenced to death and was executed by firing squad. Of which BY said his punishment was not nearly enough to atone for the severity of the crime.
> 
> Members involved were excommunicated, others ostracized, shunned and eventually "run out of town".
> 
> The Church also erected a monument at the site in memory of the victims who were murdered.
> 
> There endeth the quick history lesson.


Yup, that's pretty much how I heard it, well you left out the parts about cover ups and all that. But like I said, all religions have their dark side.


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## bigdogbuc

Arizona Infidel said:


> Yup, that's pretty much how I heard it, well you left out the parts about cover ups and all that. But like I said, all religions have their dark side.


The cover-ups were more by the folks involved. I mean after all, the guy got found guilty, was executed by firing squad and Brigham Young said "That's that, too bad you can't shoot him twice". Not much covering up there that I can see. There were delays in the case though, like the Civil War. Nobody's perfect....


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## GTGallop

GTGallop said:


> My neighbor down the street calls me to let me know they are coming.
> 
> I put ketchup on my hand and stand by the door but out of view from the decorative window.
> 
> Then when they ring the bell I put a bloody hand print on the glass and start screaming like holy hell.
> 
> They beat feet and run like mad. It's HILARIOUS!
> 
> And you know what... Neither the Jehovas Witnesses nor the Mormons (heavy influence out here) have ever called the police. They are only interested in your soul if it will be around long enough to shell out some dollars. But if you are already on your way to heaven at that very instant they come around, they don't get involved. Nothing to see here, keep moving, keep moving - lets skip a few houses and keep moving.


Weirdest thing just happened. Indian Jehovahs Witnesses just rang my bell. When I answered they said, "Oh, we are sorry. We didn't know you would look like that." Which is an odd greeting considering they rang MY bell. Then they told me I couldn't be an Indian Jehovahs Witnesses because I wasn't Indian enough.

So if you are fat, white, bald, and wearing an NRA shirt, then you need not apply. JayDubs looking for curry not crackers.


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## James m

Well at least they apologized. I got hit last week. The dog went nuts but they still hit me with watchtower like it was a pineapple grenade. Then I took the watchtower magazine to a waiting room with other magazines and left it to be with its relatives.


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## paraquack

bigdogbuc said:


> ... My Dad would go to the park and he would talk to them, then gave them our address. So now they show up looking for him. Bastard.


He must be laughing so hard up there!


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## Blackcat

It kind of amazes me how far out of their way they will go.
My place is VERY difficult to get too. Im no where near civilization, im not on a maintained public road no signs or adresses. People have called this area deliverance country lol. And yet... Middle of the winter in a snowstorm no less. On a day I wouldnt take my 4x4 out they arrive in a bloody minivan of all things. The other time they showed up... I was outside welding some farm equipment, skulls and such on my welding mask, metal music blasting from my shop. And they snuck up on me! I was sooooo not thrilled. Theres some really sketchy folks out this far (myself included  ) I figured my dogs would alert me... They bark at everything! But they didnt make a sound when these witnesses showed up. Useless guard dogs lol


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## 8301

My brother is an ordained minister from Oxford University and LOVES Jehovah Witness visitors when he has the time. He cooks them up and serves them for dinner.

Usually they stumble away with a "what the heck did I just run into" look in their faces. Sometimes he sees them at church the following week.


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## GTGallop

I'm not bagging on Jehovas Witnesses - fine people. I just thought it was odd that:
There are Indian Jehovas Witnesses looking specifically for people of Indian descent - Not American Indian either. That has to be such a narrowly focused group that it's like seeing Big Foot riding a Unicorn.
They took one look at me and said oh hell no. When have they EVER turned anyone away? What if today was MY DAY to join up with them and now we will never know?

The whole thing was so odd that it felt like a dream sequence from Twin Peaks and I'm not talking about the restaurant either (thats a dream worth having if you get the chance). Maybe because they were really short to begin with and my door opens up about 6" higher than the patio. And since I have moved from the address where I did the ketchup bit, I doubt they came all this way to punk me. Either way it was surreal.


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## Gunner's Mate

Inor said:


> So a Jehovah's Witness showed up at our door this morning handing out some kind of flyer. I did take the time to read it, and wish I hadn't. Appearently they are having some kind of big gathering at the Brewers stadium for 3 days where they are going to talk about why we need a One World Government, how to establish it and who should lead it.
> 
> I had always thought the Jehovah's Witlesses were apolitical. I certainly never considered them to be one-worlders! Who knew?
> 
> So now I have to put back bacon to pop off the Muslims and birthday cakes for the damn Witnesses!


 if you answer the door naked they will go away


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## 7052

We have enough religion/faith in this house as it is. The JW's here in my town can get quite aggressive with their witnessing. Cannot tell you the # of times I have said "No thank you". Eventually it got to the point where my response was "Like I said before, go the hell away!"

So when my town passed an ordinance upping the strength of the "No soliciting" sign AND made it apply to door-to-door religion peddlers, I put up a sign that read "No soliciting, no witnessing." Thought that would be the end of it. They kept coming by anyway. When I finally said "Look, come back again and I call the cops." they (VERY smugly) told me that the sign didn't apply to them, because they were not technically witnessing. I was like "then what the hell do you think you're doing?" They REFUSE to tell me the term they call it.

Called the cops, and the very friendly desk Sargent told me that the local line they use is that they are not witnessing, they are "proselytizing". So, I ordered a new sign...

No Soliciting
No Witnessing
No Proselytizing

They came back again, and completely ignored my sign. But this time, armed w/ the friendly desk Sargent's advice, I played nice. I took their literature which included the Kingdom Hall's name and address. I talked to them for a few minutes, and asked for the names of the two people at the door. They were reluctant to provide them, but they did. I then smiled, pulled out my phone, took a pic of them, told them to go away as they were in violation of the law (pointed to the sign), and closed the door. Called the cops, gave them the info.

I was called back 3 days later by the PD to inform me that as a result of my complaint, the Kingdom Hall AND both people involved were issued $100 citations for violation of the city's "SOLICITORS AND PEDDLERS" ordinance.

Maybe I was being petty, but I felt GOOD about it. I've had other people come and not see the sign, but when I mention it they apologize and depart. Hey, no harm done. But these people, they annoy the hell out of me.

Since that event, no JW's have been back to the house, so I call it good.


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## Medic33

I think they are a cult my 2 cents but what ever?


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## Medic33

if you really want them to go away just answer your door wearing only an apron covered with blood splatter holding a cleaver and a fake human hand while motley crew is playing in the back ground "shout at the devil"


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