# Let's talk about our feelings



## Sasquatch (Dec 12, 2014)

A few things recently got me to thinking. We think about food, water, shelter, protection and many other things if SHTF but what do we do about feelings. This won't be a problem if you're the Lone Wolf type but if you're going to be in a group or with family feelings are going to come up. One of the things that made me think about this was an episode of Naked and Afraid I recently watched. There was a woman that had a little survival knowledge and could pretty much hold her own but two weeks in she started missing her family and turned into a giant wad of cookie dough. Started crying and complaining because she missed her kids. The guy on the show was a very experienced survivalist and really got them through the 21 days but he had no people skills. In fact he tried to push people away by acting weird and doing outlandish things. I guess what I am getting to is when SHTF things aren't going to go according to some plan you have in your head. You may be separated from your wife, husband or kids (or any family member for that matter). If you're at work you may get stuck with work people (at least for a little while). Some people seem as fit as a fiddle (mentally) but really its a house of cards on the inside waiting for a little stress to knock it all down. Just wondering if any of you have thought about this and how you will handle it? Has anyone read any books about dealing with other people under stressful situations? Will you yourself be able to handle it if things go sideways and you lose track of your spouse or kids?

If anyone has any thoughts or suggested reading I'd like to hear it.


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## Montana Rancher (Mar 4, 2013)

I've thought about this a LOT and for starters when SHTF and everyone is really stressed out my plan is to have some really good dinners, with all the trimmings, nobody goes hungry and as my preps insure running water we can all poop and flush as much as we want.

Taking it to the next level I am glad all of my children know how to play Pinocle, Spades, Risk, Monopoly, and I am glad I have learned to play some more recent card games with my kids. For at least a while we can have a really good time playing board games and reconnecting with each other.

Yes there will be the downer times when I have to sit people down and talk about security and AOR's but I feel there will be a blessed time of 3-5 days before people really start to panic and since I live a long way from major population centers, we have a bit more leeway. 

To summarize, I think the great collapse for me will be an opportunity to really establish my family unit, way more than I could before. Less distractions is not a bad thing.


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## RNprepper (Apr 5, 2014)

Good post. For us, we have lived through very stressful situations, including separation. We are a close family and spend a lot of time together, through the good, bad, and ugly, so we have developed a pretty high degree of resilience as a family and in dealing with each other through hard times. We don't always like each other, but in the end, we always love each other.

I have various stress relieving items in our BOL, and our BOBs - game books, cards, puzzles, inspirational reading books, hymn books, Bibles, maps, atlas, educational material, and old books that tell stories of times past, poetry, nature books, survival books, and musical instruments. Being able to pass the time in a good mental state is really important. My family members have lived in 3rd world conditions for years, and even now make frequent international trips for dental work, and for English language teaching in remote areas of China. All this to say that we have seen a lot of life outside the bubble of the U.S. comfort zone. Being plunged into 3rd world living conditions would not be nearly as stressful for us as for some who have never lived without electricity, clean water, toilets, or modern appliances.

One of my hardest life lessons was being in Papua New Guinea while my daughter was on a college study program in Russia. Kosovo had just been bombed and Americans were being targeted in Moscow and other large cities. She was supposed to be travelling to Moscow at the time, and the very limited news I could get was really bad, I was so overcome with anxiety that I almost had a heart attack - really. I had a very bad episode of coronary arterial spasm with all the classic MI symptoms. I was helpless to reach my daughter and I didn't know what was happening to her. It finally turned out that she was not actually in Moscow and was safe. It taught me that killing myself from stress was of no help to anyone, and there was nothing I could do to help her anyway. I had to learn that the safest place for her was in the hands of God and that's where I had to trust her to be. He loved her even more than I could. Every summer my husband goes to China to teach English. If things go bad, I could lose track of him forever. Again, I have to trust him into God's care. There is nothing else I can do.

One of the best ways to know that you are prepared for loss, grief, and stress, is to have already experienced it and gotten through it intact. Hard times develop resilience which is the strongest indicator of one's ability to survive subsequent stressors. Life can knock the stuffing out of you. But if you can get up and keep on going, there is a very good chance you will be able to do it again and again and again. I'm not saying it is easy. But it is possible. I believe that faith helps a lot.


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## Medic33 (Mar 29, 2015)

the best course other than discussing feeling with a cryptid forest dweller -is plainly don 't when you have ben away from family and friends sometimes years you make new ones and keep yourself busy -suck it up and dive on, and when you feel weak drink til yah pass out. you don' t have to forget but find something else to focus on kind of like the light at the end of the tunnel something to keep you going, you know look forward too and remember it is not going to last forever.


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## Sasquatch (Dec 12, 2014)

RNprepper said:


> One of the best ways to know that you are prepared for loss, grief, and stress, is to have already experienced it and gotten through it intact. Hard times develop resilience which is the strongest indicator of one's ability to survive subsequent stressors. Life can knock the stuffing out of you. But if you can get up and keep on going, there is a very good chance you will be able to do it again and again and again. I'm not saying it is easy. But it is possible. I believe that faith helps a lot.


Thanks for your story. Glad your daughter was ok. As for dealing with stress I am secure in my ability to deal with it. I've been through enough hard times and stress to know how to deal with it pretty well. My big concern is other people. If SHTF my first priority is to get to my parents to help them. My mother is one of the strongest people I know but she absolutely refuses to discuss prepping or SHTF. I can only guess she wants to believe it is never going to happen. One of my concerns is her freezing up in that situation. My other main concern is my roommate who just told me she has had implants put in her teeth so the government can listen in on her conversations. She also thinks they are going through her email and watching her. She's been a friend for about 10 years but only moved in with me a year ago. I didn't know she had mental problems because she was able to hide it pretty well. I'm guessing she has schizophrenia. With this new found knowledge it made me wonder how she would deal with SHTF and how I would deal with her. I am by no means obligated to take care of her but as a friend I would want to try to make sure she was safe. I think dealing with other peoples mental stability will be one of the biggest challenges of a SHTF scenario.


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## PaulS (Mar 11, 2013)

I am a minister. I have had a little training in helping people deal with their emotions. I have had a lot of practice using these skills. when my wife comes to me she has learned to tell me that she wants to talk to her husband and not the counsellor. With other people it is easy to actively listen and encourage them to find their own answer.

In a SHTF scenario I will gently put my arms around the individual and gently hold them... While I slit their throat!

That is the best way I can deal with the added stress of helping others.  Even professional counsellors need to be able to go to someone to express their frustrations in dealing with the problems of others. I have never slit the throat of anyone who came to me for help but after the third or fourth time with the same issue it seems like it is the kindest thing you can do. Some people will never change the way they live, even if it means they constantly push others to hate them. If you are a "helper, healer" personality pick your battles. If you have training then find someone you can talk to and learn to say "NO" to those who vex your spirit without a desire to get better.  

No, really, I have never slit the throat of anyone who wanted my help. I may have wanted to but I have learned to provide unconditional love. That allows me to care enough about you to allow you to wallow in your mess until you are ready to actually do something about it. (love and kisses)


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## Kauboy (May 12, 2014)

This is one of the first topics in just about every single survival manual and book I've ever opened.
The overarching message is, "STAY POSITIVE".
Our brains are incredibly maniacal when left to their own devices. Keeping focused on some task will help with this.
Learn breathing exercises, perhaps meditation, anything that you can do to keep the mind calm.
You must be level headed in order to properly deal with a world turned upside down.
Set goals and focus on them. Encourage those around you to do the same.
Things *will* get better. It will just take time.

(Mental note, never go to Paul about my feelings...)


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## topgun (Oct 2, 2013)

I'll talk about my feelings.

Not for long though, because what I'm feeling is, thirsty.


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## Auntie (Oct 4, 2014)

I worry about the people who take medicine for their bi-polar or schizophrenia. What about those who suffer from mania or severe depression? 

I turn into a robot during an emergency. Do what has to be done and go onto the next thing.


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## sideKahr (Oct 15, 2014)

My wife and I have discussed this. I for one have very strong feelings about it. We are in agreement that, no matter how much her employer begs her to remain there, she will come home. She's a sucker for a sob story, and there truly are a lot of people at her nursing home that will need care, but she is administration and not responsible for that end of things. Her only chance for survival if the SHTF is to get out of the city.

Feelings and fear, sometimes hard to tell the difference.


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## MisterMills357 (Apr 15, 2015)

Yeah you are right, some people seem to be made of steel, until they get and acid dip. Sad to say, there are loads of people who put on a front. 
They can deal with everyday society, but not an emergency/life threatening event. I don't now how I would hold up, I think I would be OK for a year or so.
If it went past that, I might get squirrel-like and start protecting my nuts a little too closely.


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## Prepared One (Nov 5, 2014)

Kauboy said:


> This is one of the first topics in just about every single survival manual and book I've ever opened.
> The overarching message is, "STAY POSITIVE".
> Our brains are incredibly maniacal when left to their own devices. Keeping focused on some task will help with this.
> Learn breathing exercises, perhaps meditation, anything that you can do to keep the mind calm.
> ...


Made that same note Kauboy


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## tirednurse (Oct 2, 2013)

I think it is important to understand the emotions we go through we can understand how to use those feelings to help us 
all you medical people out there understand high stress situations and how to keep our emotions in check and do the job we need to do. (we can fall apart latter) I'm sure military can understand also. 
I use stress as a way to motivate me. They more stress I feel the more I push myself to solve the problem causing it. understanding now what stress you may go through in the future could prompt you to work out solutions now so the difficult times are not so bad. we all prep for water, food, shelter but sometime we need to think about the comfort things also. 
Examples: I hate chocolate but every time I see hersey's bars on sale I buy some because I know there are a lot of my group that would relish a treat like this when we are stuck with rice and beans. 
Yesterday I raided the $1 section at walmart for little shampoo, conditioners, Qtips, tooth paste and brushes, deodorant, lotions, baby wipes and tissue and packed into ziplock bags for extras to use in go bags, car bags and emergency supplies. Not really necessities but make you feel more human when you are having to ruff it for a while.


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## AquaHull (Jun 10, 2012)

Every time I see a Jack Links Jerky Commercial , I feel real bad for Squatch. I mean they really treat him bad, and it's tough finding shoes. Then he gets even and I feel all warm and fuzzy.


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## Jakthesoldier (Feb 1, 2015)

I've spent years with people going in and out of my life very often. Rarely know anyone longer than a year or 2. Combine that with the military lifestyle, which can be the same, and I guess you just get used to losing people.


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## Sasquatch (Dec 12, 2014)

AquaHull said:


> Every time I see a Jack Links Jerky Commercial , I feel real bad for Squatch. I mean they really treat him bad, and it's tough finding shoes. Then he gets even and I feel all warm and fuzzy.


Don't feel too bad. I actually get to hurt those people and commercials pay REALLY well.


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## James m (Mar 11, 2014)

I get moody sometimes. I only get really mad when someone harasses me constantly or I need to. In a lights out scenario I actually enjoy the short term ones, I enjoy exploring ingenuity.


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## Ripon (Dec 22, 2012)

Just Curious...

Since I covet, very much so, checking out to the BOL and not returning to society unless I absolutely must do so - wouldn't my feelings be enhanced if I did? 

Oh and I suspect that "absolutely must do so" is because of someone' elses' feelings so I guess the answer the later question is I have to deal with others
"feelings" by taking them back to town - where if its bad enough I'll leave them.

BTW welcome back Montana Rancher if I haven't seen your recent posts its weird I just haven't seen you in a while and I've often enjoyed your input.


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## PaulS (Mar 11, 2013)

So, we will have to deal with the disbelief, the bargaining, the anger, the guilt, the forgiveness and the accept it for what it is before we can move on to making it better. 
It will be a lot like a divorce but with a society instead of one person.


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## Spice (Dec 21, 2014)

I expect to see a whole lot of mental illness - so many people already dependent on meds to control it; and other people slipping that way from stress.

Being mentally prepared is a big deal (think of Ozymandias, King of Kings). I don't know how much good it will do, but I've also made a study of psychology and taken mental first aid training. Can't hurt, might help.


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

Montana Rancher said:


> I've thought about this a LOT and for starters when SHTF and everyone is really stressed out my plan is to have some really good dinners, with all the trimmings, nobody goes hungry and as my preps insure running water we can all poop and flush as much as we want.
> 
> Taking it to the next level I am glad all of my children know how to play Pinocle, Spades, Risk, Monopoly, and I am glad I have learned to play some more recent card games with my kids. For at least a while we can have a really good time playing board games and reconnecting with each other.
> 
> ...


You need to change your signature to include Texas


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## PaulS (Mar 11, 2013)

Spice said:


> I expect to see a whole lot of mental illness - so many people already dependent on meds to control it; and other people slipping that way from stress.
> 
> Being mentally prepared is a big deal (think of Ozymandias, King of Kings). I don't know how much good it will do, but I've also made a study of psychology and taken mental first aid training. Can't hurt, might help.


It has been a long time since I was in formal education but I have never heard the term "mental first aid". Would you care to elaborate? (please?)


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## Prepared One (Nov 5, 2014)

I am not worried. As long as have the voices in my head talking to me I will never be alone when SHTF.


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## sideKahr (Oct 15, 2014)

Spice said:


> ...but I've also made a study of psychology and taken mental first aid training. Can't hurt, might help.


I, too, would like to know more about mental first aid.


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