# Best Military witticisms



## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

You can Run but you will only die tired


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

"Artillerymen believe the world consist of two types of people; other Artillerymen and targets."

A Toast to the Guns
By them we live,
For them we would die.
Whatever the Mission,
We'll give it a try.

We'll serve them with Honor
For they are the ones;
That make us Artillerymen,
So here's to the Guns: 
TO THE GUNS!!

"Where a goat can go, a man can go, where a man can go, he can drag a gun"

I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you **** with me, I'll kill you all.


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

MG Ft Sill Okla cannon Cocker ??


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
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"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - US Marine Corps
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"Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop
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"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal
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"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - US Air Force Manual
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"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General Macarthur
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"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal
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"You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me." - US Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
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"Tracers work both ways." - US Army Ordnance
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"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal
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Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David Hackworth
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"If your attack is going too well, your walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal
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"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay
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"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." - Anonymous
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"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit
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"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies
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"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF Ammo Troop
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"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan
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"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
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"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
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"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky." --From an old carrier sailor
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"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."
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"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
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"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."
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"Never trade luck for skill."
-------------------------------------------------The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh ****!"
-------------------------------------------------"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
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"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."
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"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"
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"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."
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"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
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"Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."
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Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible."
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"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
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"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
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"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,
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"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
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Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."
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As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?". The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)


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## Titan6 (May 19, 2013)

We did a movement to daylight due to the fact LT forgot how to read a map and we couldn't find the objective!!


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

0861

Come on, you sons of bitches! Do you want to live forever?
GySgt. Daniel J. "Dan" Daly, USMC
near Lucy-`le-Bocage as he led the 5th Marines' attack into Belleau Wood, 6 June 1918


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

"We're surrounded? Good, now we can kill the bastards in any direction." ~ Colonel Lewis B. "Chesty" Puller; Korean War

"They told (us) to open up the Embassy, or "we'll blow you away." And then they looked up and saw the Marines on the roof with the really big guns, and they said in Somali, "Igaralli ahow," Which mean "Excuse me, I didn't mean it, my mistake." ~ Karen Aquilar, in the U.S. Embassy; Mogadishu, Somalia 

Artillery lends dignity to what might otherwise be a vulgar brawl


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

The rules are drawn up by lawyers who are trying to protect the admirals and generals from the politicians; they’re not written by people who are worried about the guys on the ground getting shot.”


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

"if you die first, we're splitting up your gear."


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

"You can't describe the moral lift,
when in the fight your spirits weary 
hears above the hostile fire, 
Your own artillery.
Shells score the air like wavy hair
from a forward battery.
As regimental cannon crack
While from positions further back,
in bitter sweet song overhead
crashing discordantly
Division's pounding joins the attack;
Mother like she belches shell;
Glorious it flies, and well,
As, with a hissing screaming squall,
A roaring furnace, giving all,
she sears a path for the infantry...."


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

"If you don't have enough artillery, quit."


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

"Leave the Artillerymen alone, they are an obstinate lot. . ."
Napoleon Bonaparte


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## rickkyw1720pf (Nov 17, 2012)

Friendly fire -- isn't. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

Fubar


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 

Talking Dog for Sale 

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. 

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. 

"You talk?" he asks. 

"Yep," the Lab replies. 

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?" 

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services ... The United States Marine Corps... You know one of their nicknames is "The Devil Dogs." 

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. 

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. 

So, I decided to settle down. I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in." 

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired." 

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. 

"Ten dollars," the guy says. 

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" 

"Because he's a liar! He never did any of that crap. He was in the Navy!"


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## Titan6 (May 19, 2013)

gunner's mate said:


> fubar


 fido!!


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

rickkyw1720pf said:


> Friendly fire -- isn't. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.


Tree bursts suck!


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## Denver (Nov 16, 2012)

This is the US Air Force, Our job is to kill people and break stuff. Col at my son's Ssgt. promotion. Loved it.


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

Gunner's Mate said:


> A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:
> 
> Talking Dog for Sale
> 
> ...


OOOOHHH MY GOSH!!!!! ::clapping::::clapping::::clapping::::clapping::::clapping::::clapping::

You know they don't salute in the navy anymore...they just wink


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## Titan6 (May 19, 2013)

"The middle of the road is all of the usable surface. The extremes, right and left, are in the gutters." ---Dwight D. Eisenhower


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

USMC Americas Pitbull


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## Titan6 (May 19, 2013)

I got a gun for my wife, best trade I've ever made.


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

Front toward enemy


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

Give em the whole nine yards (Because 50 cal belts were nine yards long)


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

A CNN reporter, while interviewing a Marine Sniper, asked. "What do you feel when you shoot a terrorist?" The marine shrugged and replied, "Recoil.


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

For the Tea Party Members

Bring on your tear gas, bring on your grenades, your new supplies of Mace, your state troopers and even your national guards. But let the record show we ain't going to be turned around.


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## Titan6 (May 19, 2013)

Hey private take this hammer and check the APC for soft spots!! .... Yah I know... I was a rotten squad leader but it was funny when he did it....


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

The General to his FO 
well god damn it what do you see 
the enemy Sir 
well how many 
enough for everyone Sir


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

You, you, and you... panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corps gunnery sgt.


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

Friendly fire isn't.

Incoming artillery has the right of way

The fastest way to find your sergeant is to go to sleep


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

"Retracting too early can make the prop curly"

Mountain? Hell, it was flat on the map!

Closely monitor thine airspeed, lest the ground rise up and smite thee.


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

Its a good day to die for the enemy


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

Drinking is the soldier's pleasure; Rich the treasure; Sweet the pleasure; Sweet is pleasure after pain.


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

"Tracers work both ways"


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

Boot camp drill Sgt to recruit Rose
Well Rose how many push ups can you do 
Well Drill Sgt how far can you count


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

American soldiers in battle don’t fight for what some president says on TV, they don’t fight for mom, apple pie, the American flag --- they fight for one another


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

Bring the rain


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

Danger Close 

"steelrain, steelrain, this is Hitman calling in fire mission, popeye uniform 059 098 038 degrees 200 metres, danger close"


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

Gunner's Mate said:


> Danger Close
> 
> "steelrain, steelrain, this is Hitman calling in fire mission, popeye uniform 059 098 038 degrees 200 metres, danger close"


 warning order, observer identification, target location, target description, method of engagement and method of fire⁄control.

Hitman confirm popeye uniform 059 098 038 degrees 200 meters danger close. Low angle fuze quick converged sheaf T, G, VT IN EFFECT, 6 ROUNDS. Fire for effect! 
It's been over 20 years


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

Roger that steelrain bring the hurt walk it it in on my call, see ya on the other side


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

Shot out!


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

Request a WP round, a smoke round, or a 200-meter airburst with HE on the next round. Unable to view impact.


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

Make a bold shift. Danger close (within 600 meters) 20-meter HOB in fire for effect.


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

HOB corrections to the nearest 5 meters with the correction on your call hitman.


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## Montana Rancher (Mar 4, 2013)

Haha I think Meangreen is flashing back

I was several years in FDC so I understand it all.


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## Montana Rancher (Mar 4, 2013)

"Always keep in mind that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder. "


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

Trying to shake the cobwebs


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

I think I ****ed up, hitman has been real quiet.


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## retired guard (Mar 7, 2013)

Never ask if the hole is deep enough. It won't be, and Gunny will smile when he tells you that.


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## retired guard (Mar 7, 2013)

Battery adjust aiming point this instrument.


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

My old Man was in the Army stationed in Germany in the early 1950's. He always told me to be careful when answering questions. Dad said the Sarge had everyone line up and asked who could type? Back in the 50's typing was a big deal I guess, meant a desk job. So Dad told me every body threw up their arm and said they could indeed type. The Sarge looked at everyone, laughed and said "if you can type you can damn sure dig a ditch and pointed at a row of shovels!"


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## sparkyprep (Jul 5, 2013)

Incoming fire has the right-of-way.

How to start a fight with a Jarhead-

Colors of the uniform-
"Blue for the oceans you've never crossed. Red for the blood you've never shed. Yellow for the reason why."

Guaranteed to get your ass kicked in a bar every time. LOL


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

Keep your head, keep your mouth shut, and don't volunteer for anything.


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

retired guard said:


> Battery adjust aiming point this instrument.


right 200, drop 200 shell...HE.


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## dwight55 (Nov 9, 2012)

Now, taps, taps, lights out.

All hands turn into your own bunks.

Maintain silence about the decks.

The smoking lamp is out in all berthing spaces.

Taps, Taps.

May God bless,
Dwight


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## Lucky Jim (Sep 2, 2012)

I once read this Readers Digest end of article filler-

_In World War Two I was assigned to relieve an observation post in Italy and noted in the logbook this entry by the previous observer-
TIME:- "13:35 hrs"
ACTION:- "Called in 6 mortar rounds on enemy motorcycle despatch rider"
RESULT:- "Rider accelerated"_


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## rice paddy daddy (Jul 17, 2012)

Make it too hard for the enemy to get in and it will be too hard for you to get out.

Never share a foxhole with someone braver than yourself.

Avoid crowds, it attracts fire.

"There is one unalterable difference between soldier and civilian. A civilian will not do one whit more than he is paid to do."
Field Marshall Irwin Rommel

"If a man will not fight for this country, I suggest he go find a country he will fight for."
Admiral Raymond Spruance

"We Will." Motto of the 5th Infantry Division.

When you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in combat.


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## bigdogbuc (Mar 23, 2012)

"Nuts!" - Lt. Colonel Harry W.O. Kinnard (Lt. Gen., Ret.), Battle of the Bulge.


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## Prepadoodle (May 28, 2013)

Not exactly on topic, but close... and far too funny not to mention here...


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## MikeyPrepper (Nov 29, 2012)

That's nuts


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## jimb1972 (Nov 12, 2012)

DAGBY= Dumb Ass Gun Bunny


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## retired guard (Mar 7, 2013)

Meangreen said:


> right 200, drop 200 shell...HE.


Fuse MTSQ


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## MI.oldguy (Apr 18, 2013)

My ammo's bingo!.toss me a mag!.


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## rice paddy daddy (Jul 17, 2012)

"Huh?" "What?" 
Most often heard at Army unit re-unions.


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## jimb1972 (Nov 12, 2012)

Huh? .


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## Meangreen (Dec 6, 2012)

I don't care what music you play just play it real loud!!!


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## jimb1972 (Nov 12, 2012)

"Pain is just weakness leaving the body"
I must be one strong son of a bitch these days!


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## PaulS (Mar 11, 2013)

And the infamous words, "Advance to the rear!"


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## PrepConsultant (Aug 28, 2012)

12th General Order I will walk my post in a military manner and take no shit from the company commander!!
The 13th General Order.. I will walk my post from flank to flank and take NO SHIT from any rank..


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

Top Secret photo


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

Rare photo of the elusive Mexican navy seal


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## StarPD45 (Nov 13, 2012)

Incoming fire has the right of way.


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## Go2ndAmend (Apr 5, 2013)

"I never felt like I served my country, I always believed my country served me." Greatest generation combat fighter pilot instructor, and my father.


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

"Artillery is the King of battle: the King cannot
swim, however, which is why we need you guys." 
(USMC arty specialist to a group of Navy officers in an Amphib
Warfare Indoc course.)


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan your mission properly, and If your attack is going too well, you have walked into an ambush.


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## Oddcaliber (Feb 17, 2014)

The eleventh commandment,cover thine own ass!


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## Maine-Marine (Mar 7, 2014)

Meangreen said:


> OOOOHHH MY GOSH!!!!! ::clapping::::clapping::::clapping::::clapping::::clapping::::clapping::
> 
> You know they don't salute in the navy anymore...they just wink


I vote this as one of the best post of the month


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## NavySEAL (Oct 16, 2014)

Ba muoi lam (“baa-mooee-lahm): Vietnamese for the number 35. Means the same as “butterfly;” a playboy


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## SGT E (Feb 25, 2015)

M110 8 inch with the W33 Nuclear Round in Germany in the 70's...Nothing but Field Artillery then retirement ...And I'm totally sign launguage deaf to boot...Would I do it again?..Hell Yes! Later they put a longer tube and a muzzle brake on it!


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## SGT E (Feb 25, 2015)

M110a2...And a 8 inch TOWED howitzer! We finally sold all the 8 inch guns to Korea...Taiwan...England and a dozen other countries. replaced it with the Palladin that I was lucky enough to help develop for a while!


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## jnichols2 (Mar 24, 2013)

C-130 Crew Chief: Six long rings mean prepare for impact.

Timid Passenger: Sarge, how should I prepare for impact?

C-130 Crew Chief: It don't make a damn bit of difference.


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

jnichols2 said:


> C-130 Crew Chief: Six long rings mean prepare for impact.
> 
> Timid Passenger: Sarge, how should I prepare for impact?
> 
> C-130 Crew Chief: It don't make a damn bit of difference.


place your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye


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## Jakthesoldier (Feb 1, 2015)

Shut your cock holster/cum dumpster etc.

fu** and every possible derivitive.

you don't punch a time clock, therefore you must be here the whole time.

Because the good idea fairy was here

Its not supposed to make sense, this is the army.

Tattoos make you less able to do your job


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