# I'm really sick...



## The Tourist (Jun 9, 2016)

I must have picked up some intestinal virus at the gym, and the guy must have been a powerlifter. I haven't felt this punk in 20 years, as I just don't usually get sick.

After the third day I called my physician's "Nurse On Call" to see if there was anything more sophisticated than Mylanta. Tragically, there is not. The nurse told me to be a good little soldier and if I can ride a Harley I should be able to handle diarrhea. I intend to call her after she gets sick...

As you know, nothing evil goes into "The Temple." I have not eaten most American food or salt in +20 years. Yeah, I had a few forkfuls of a wedding cake, but my wife ate the entire remaining 3/4s. I think we should change her name to "Domino," it's the name of some commercial sugar and a babe in an old Bond movie.

Yet despite this treatise, I got up this morning looking for something sweet. The nurse informed me that I would be craving odd stuff and inhaling water by the cubic meter. The water is tasty, but this sweet tooth is news to me.

So I split the difference. We had some applesauce here and the remainder of my wife's spray-on whipped cream. To prove this breech of behavior I put my knife by the bowl, to prove I really am doing this.

...I have to get back to the gym...


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## rstanek (Nov 9, 2012)

Hope you find normal soon.....


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## The Tourist (Jun 9, 2016)

rstanek said:


> Hope you find normal soon.....


Well, I've given up on "normal" several decades ago. Happily I became one of the "humorous bikers" and not one of the "deadly bikers." Granted, each has it place in our disastrous DNA which is made up of abject foreigners and two dozen NASA monkeys.

I like the guys in this forum, but as for 'society' you can send them all off to Moscow and they'd be happier there, anyway.

I make sure my debts are paid, my word is my bond, and I am one of the five polishers in our continent--four here, and one in Canada.

As I said, I don't do "normal."


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

@The Tourist

I had a pretty good streak going. Christmas 1989 me and Mrs Slippy went to a Christmas party hosted by our friends down the street. The groups that we ran with back then were all like us, most of us had young children at the time and we lived in a small Texas town and enjoyed a drink or 7 most weekends.

Well back then I was a Beer Only Guy and at that particular party one of the wives brought out some Peppermint Schnapps to celebrate the yuletide. I, thinking that one should drink Peppermint Schnapps like one does Lone Star beer, had a thing or 3 coming. Old Faithful at Yellowstone had nothing on me that night if you get my drift. I threw up and threw up and threw up. Matter of fact I'm pretty sure I pulled a muscle or 6 in my ribs that night!

I promised myself that I would never throw up again it was so miserable. Fast forward to Dec 2017. I woke up as usual, rode my stationary bike for 20 minutes or so then jumped in the shower to get ready for work. And promptly blew chunks in the shower.

Streak over. 28 years of not throwing up. Nobody can take that away from me now can they? :tango_face_grin:


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## The Tourist (Jun 9, 2016)

Slippy said:


> Streak over. 28 years of not throwing up. Nobody can take that away from me now can they?


Well, I didn't throw up. Technically, I "threw down," but the plumber told me they can get the streaks and smell out of the toilet bowl at some very reasonable prices.

Over six hours have passed and my stomach feels fine. I have not had to yell "make a hole" since early this morning, and I am hopeful that some eight inches of very tender large intestine will be healed by Mother's Day.

Ya' know, I used to think this stuff was funny--as long as another biker had it!


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

The Tourist said:


> Well, I didn't throw up. Technically, I "threw down," but the plumber told me they can get the streaks and smell out of the toilet bowl at some very reasonable prices.
> 
> Over six hours have passed and my stomach feels fine. I have not had to yell "make a hole" since early this morning, and I am hopeful that some eight inches of very tender large intestine will be healed by Mother's Day.
> 
> Ya' know, I used to think this stuff was funny--as long as another biker had it!


One evening a number of years ago Mrs Slippy cried tears of complete utter joy and hugged me harder than a 5'4" 120 lb woman should hug.

You see, I had just consoled her, held her hand and stroked her head as she sat on the toilet sick as a 3 legged cur dog that had just ate dead swamp nutria. She was shitting like a 300 lb Offensive Lineman after leaving a Golden Corral Buffet and Throwing up like an 18 year old debutante at her first frat party...all at the same time! It was rather impressive I have to admit.

After she stopped crying I asked her why was she crying did she feel bad? No, she said, I just realized how much you love me!

Mr Romantic they call me! :vs_wave:


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## The Tourist (Jun 9, 2016)

Slippy said:


> Mr Romantic they call me!


That's not what my wife has been calling me lately. In fact, she walked back into the bedroom this morning after packing for school, wrinkled up her nose and said, "_You reek_!"

This was the same 17 year old high school girl I took on the back of my bike--and when I smelled a lot worse! Yikes, my colors still reek from back in the early 1970s!

I shower twice per day now, at least. One and sometimes two times at the gym. Even my jeans are clean!

Yikes, what do some women want?


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## MisterMills357 (Apr 15, 2015)

I feel your pain, I get sick all of the time; and then I have to listen to pablum, from doctors and nurses. Useless advice really gets old, but that is what ya get.

A consolation for me is, that they will get old someday; and may end up wearing Big Boy Kimbies.:devil: Yeah, that's the ticket.


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## The Tourist (Jun 9, 2016)

Well, guys I just got up. I told my wife that I would try and go to the gym with her this morning. Then I tried to sit up...

No, the room did not spin--which is fortunate because I needed the bathroom to be right where I left it. That is, six long steps in a straight-away in a very dark room!

I'm on the "yogurt, anger and coffee" diet which, thankfully, has always served me well. I'll try for my usual humor today, guys, but forgive if I recycle old jokes...


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## bigwheel (Sep 22, 2014)

Well glad the Lord is intervening in some of these health issues. Not that anybody is interested in any non poop and vomit stories..but I have a deal coming up tomorrow at the Dentist. He plans to pull the five remaining hanger oners on the bottom and slap some false teeth in the vacant spot. Then I come back in six months and he is going to mount two bone post screws into my jaw and mount some kinda hardware to the teeth to make them mount to the posts..then pull the 7 remainders on top and give me some new false ones on top. Costing 7k and fortunately the dental insurance covers about half of that. Eating is going to be tough for a while..lol.


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## Prepared One (Nov 5, 2014)

Slippy said:


> @The Tourist
> 
> I had a pretty good streak going. Christmas 1989 me and Mrs Slippy went to a Christmas party hosted by our friends down the street. The groups that we ran with back then were all like us, most of us had young children at the time and we lived in a small Texas town and enjoyed a drink or 7 most weekends.
> 
> ...


Peppermint Schnapps and beer. Been there, done that. :tango_face_grin:

Last time I threw up was about ten years ago when my wife brought home some homemade Tamales. They were great, until about an hour and half after I ate. I had it coming out both ends. I think I threw up a toe. I was literally hugging the toilet for dear life and thoughts of revenge started to creep in to my delirious fevered brain. Who ever made those things must have used a dog who didn't have it's shots or was straight out of hell.

My wife refused to tell me who the culprit was that made those Tamales. Maybe due to the fact that I had a shotgun in my hands and the look of sweet revenge and a touch of crazy in my eyes.


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## The Tourist (Jun 9, 2016)

> rode my stationary bike for 20 minutes or so then jumped in the shower to get ready for work. And promptly blew chunks in the shower


That wouldn't even make you a CC Rider prospect--not that I ever respected them, but I digress.

If you could honesty say you rode 20 miles at 105 MPH just because you had a clean bucket in your garage and some of the ingested beer could be salvaged, then I'd let you serve cookies to the real men.

I never threw up. Oh, I wanted to, but some things take true American spirit!


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

Prepared One said:


> Peppermint Schnapps and beer. Been there, done that. :tango_face_grin:
> 
> Last time I threw up was about ten years ago when my wife brought home some homemade Tamales. They were great, until about an hour and half after I ate. I had it coming out both ends. I think I threw up a toe. I was literally hugging the toilet for dear life and thoughts of revenge started to creep in to my delirious fevered brain. Who ever made those things must have used a dog who didn't have it's shots or was straight out of hell.
> 
> My wife refused to tell me who the culprit was that made those Tamales. Maybe due to the fact that I had a shotgun in my hands and the look of sweet revenge and a touch of crazy in my eyes.


(Slippy pulls out his notebook entitled "Quotes I will Steal and Use as My Own" and writes...I THINK I THREW UP A TOE...)

:vs_lol:HILARIOUS!


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## dwight55 (Nov 9, 2012)

Slippy said:


> @The Tourist.............. Streak over. 28 years of not throwing up. Nobody can take that away from me now can they? :tango_face_grin:


I think I gotcha Slippy, . . .

After a night on the town in Olongapo, PI, . . . my boss sent me down into a motor whale boat, . . . between two destroyers, . . . tied up at the dock, . . . and every time a boat went past, . . . the waves came up between them and tossed that whale boat like it was following the Alaskan King Crabbers, . . . I upchucked that day, . . . but cannot recall ever having done so since. That would have teen in the spring of '65, . . . IIRC.

Been known to run like crazy to throw down the seat and get unbuckled, . . . but prayin' to the white budda just never has been my forte. Think it has something to do with growing up eating anything that wasn't quick enough to eat me.

May God bless,
Dwight


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## Deebo (Oct 27, 2012)

bigwheel said:


> Well glad the Lord is intervening in some of these health issues. Not that anybody is interested in any non poop and vomit stories..but I have a deal coming up tomorrow at the Dentist. He plans to pull the five remaining hanger oners on the bottom and slap some false teeth in the vacant spot. Then I come back in six months and he is going to mount two bone post screws into my jaw and mount some kinda hardware to the teeth to make them mount to the posts..then pull the 7 remainders on top and give me some new false ones on top. Costing 7k and fortunately the dental insurance covers about half of that. Eating is going to be tough for a while..lol.


Daughter did it.. Lots of scrambled eggs and mashed potatoes brother.


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## bigwheel (Sep 22, 2014)

Deebo said:


> Daughter did it.. Lots of scrambled eggs and mashed potatoes brother.


Thanks for the tip on that. The Dentist ask did I like soft foods..I told him yes..I eat a lot of beans. He say they might need to go through the blender. lol


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## Deebo (Oct 27, 2012)

I dont know if yall know, but I have a lapBand, which is basically a small stomach on top of my regular stomach. When I "sell Buicks" it sometimes screws me up so bad I see stars.. Dry heaving and wretching, till my toes curl up.
The wife knows "DEEBO sits on the outside of the booth" and if he takes off quickly, without saying a word, he is going to hurl..


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## Deebo (Oct 27, 2012)

@bigwheel, its weird, they did exactly what you descried, but they did it fast..
One day they pulled "ALL HER teeth"
Next day they had her in dentures, and slowly "fit them" to her, about twice a week, till the swelling went down, then they implanted the two metal pop rivet looking brass things on her bottom gums.


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

bigwheel said:


> Well glad the Lord is intervening in some of these health issues. Not that anybody is interested in any non poop and vomit stories..but I have a deal coming up tomorrow at the Dentist. He plans to pull the five remaining hanger oners on the bottom and slap some false teeth in the vacant spot. Then I come back in six months and he is going to mount two bone post screws into my jaw and mount some kinda hardware to the teeth to make them mount to the posts..then pull the 7 remainders on top and give me some new false ones on top. Costing 7k and fortunately the dental insurance covers about half of that. Eating is going to be tough for a while..lol.


Good luck @bigwheel

Maybe take this opportunity and get back down to your "playin' weight"?


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## A Watchman (Sep 14, 2015)

bigwheel said:


> Thanks for the tip on that. The Dentist ask did I like soft foods..I told him yes..I eat a lot of beans. He say they might need to go through the blender. lol


You'll be fine, ain't nuttin' wrong with gummin' your beanie wienees. :tango_face_grin:


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## Annie (Dec 5, 2015)

I can't believe the timing in this thread. Coincidentally, my daughter threw up at the dentists' today. I kid you not. Fortunately she made it to the bathroom in time.


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## dwight55 (Nov 9, 2012)

A Watchman said:


> You'll be fine, ain't nuttin' wrong with gummin' your beanie wienees. :tango_face_grin:


Coincidentally, . . . I bought 8 cans of them today, . . .

Them's good eatin' in my book.

May God bless,
Dwight


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

Annie said:


> I can't believe the timing in this thread. Coincidentally, my daughter threw up at the dentists' today. I kid you not. Fortunately she made it to the bathroom in time.


When our Son1 was going thru Chemo for Leukemia, he obviously was prone to some pretty good vomit events. During that time he was also on some pretty good steroids so his appetite was huge. About a year or two into his Chemo, we as a family were pretty used to Son1's Barf-O-Rama events.

Son1 really liked a particular Rib Joint near the Children's Hospital so as a "reward" for taking a round of chemo we would stop in for some ribs. Our younger Son2 was responsible for asking for a BusBoy Bucket just in case Son1 had to blow chunks.

One particular time Son1 barfed up his ribs the cute little waitress came running over to help, visibly upset at seeing a little 6 year old bald headed bloated cancer patient child toss up a rack of ribs in a BusBoy Bucket while his old man calmly continued to chow down.

The waitress was stumbling and fumbling around trying to help and Son2 says in this innocent little 4 year old voice, "Its OK, he's taking his Chemo today" and goes back to his food. :vs_laugh:

Since all is well, we can laugh at it today! :vs_closedeyes:


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## Denton (Sep 18, 2012)

Slippy said:


> When our Son1 was going thru Chemo for Leukemia, he obviously was prone to some pretty good vomit events. During that time he was also on some pretty good steroids so his appetite was huge. About a year or two into his Chemo, we as a family were pretty used to Son1's Barf-O-Rama events.
> 
> Son1 really liked a particular Rib Joint near the Children's Hospital so as a "reward" for taking a round of chemo we would stop in for some ribs. Our younger Son2 was responsible for asking for a BusBoy Bucket just in case Son1 had to blow chunks.
> 
> ...


Lesson for today? We adults need to man-up and deal.


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## Annie (Dec 5, 2015)

Annie said:


> I can't believe the timing in this thread. Coincidentally, my daughter threw up at the dentists' today. I kid you not. Fortunately she made it to the bathroom in time.


 @Denton and @Sasquatch another even stranger coincidence is that my old Ford Escape broke down in front of the service station at Toyota. Do you remember we were talking about Ford Escapes and the Service Center last week? Two days later, I think... Gospel truth, I kid not. Remarkably, the auto mechanic was able to fix it. I really thought that old car was a goner. Pulled all my belongings out of it and said goodbye and thanks. All it needed was a new fuse.


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## The Tourist (Jun 9, 2016)

Annie, I found out about a new wrinkle for this particular flu. That being "panic attacks." They seem to start just as the sun comes up, and I'm still half-way into the 'dream state.' But during this type of dream I wake up scared to death. I can never ascertain what drives this, the dreams are mundane, nobody is hunting me (well, nobody really dangerous) and my wife and I are on good terms.

As for this flu, I'm slowly getting better, I'm eating a bit more, and my intestines seem to be under my control again. Where this fear comes from is puzzler. 

Has any other member had this experience with the latest flu?


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## Annie (Dec 5, 2015)

The Tourist said:


> Annie, I found out about a new wrinkle for this particular flu. That being "panic attacks." They seem to start just as the sun comes up, and I'm still half-way into the 'dream state.' But during this type of dream I wake up scared to death. I can never ascertain what drives this, the dreams are mundane, nobody is hunting me (well, nobody really dangerous) and my wife and I are on good terms.
> 
> As for this flu, I'm slowly getting better, I'm eating a bit more, and my intestines seem to be under my control again. Where this fear comes from is puzzler.
> 
> Has any other member had this experience with the latest flu?


I'm sure this will pass in time. It's just some who knows what. God bless and don't let it get to you. Maybe keep the bible close by at hand when you turn in tonight. It'll help. Knives don't keep that kind of thing away, but the grace of God will suffice.


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