# Prepping to Survive.......being a grandpa....HELP



## Steve40th (Aug 17, 2016)

So my oldest step child is going to be a Momma. She and I have always been at odds, so, things arent peachy. Wife is isnt too happy about being a grandma . But, i have to ensure the baby is treated with all the best a grandpa can give, regardless if step daughter is going to let child call me grandpa or not. Shes is 25, unemployed and her significant other is 29. They are not married. He doesnt make allot, so we gave them the Finished room above the garage, and a fridge in the garage. No overhead except their own damn food.
So, how do I prep for this fun, as my wife and I will be main supporters..


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## bigwheel (Sep 22, 2014)

Consider helping them as part of your tithe to the Lord. Get them a case of Pork n Beans. Know they would like that.


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

Steve40th said:


> So my oldest step child is going to be a Momma. She and I have always been at odds, so, things arent peachy. Wife is isnt too happy about being a grandma . But, i have to ensure the baby is treated with all the best a grandpa can give, regardless if step daughter is going to let child call me grandpa or not. Shes is 25, unemployed and her significant other is 29. They are not married. He doesnt make allot, so we gave them the Finished room above the garage, and a fridge in the garage. No overhead except their own damn food.
> So, how do I prep for this fun, as my wife and I will be main supporters..


The Significant Other is 29 years old and doesn't have a place to live and doesn't have a job yet impregnates your daughter and you give them a place on your property to live????? WTF is wrong with you?

I'd kick the 29 year old sperm donor out and tell him he needs to have the decency to marry my daughter immediately and HE provides a place to live as a family and start acting like a father. If he doesn't do that immediately like tomorrow, I'd kick his ass again down the street again, but he's out tonight.

As far as the daughter, she made a shitty decision and the baby will pay for this in the long run. IF the loser doesn't marry her immediately and find their own place, Put the baby up for adoption and send these 2 losers packing.

I really hate this bullshit of 29-30 year old males acting like they are 12.

Steve, thanks for pissing me off tonight! Your freind, Slip


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## A Watchman (Sep 14, 2015)

^^^^^ What he said.


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## tango (Apr 12, 2013)

Good luck, Steve


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## Steve40th (Aug 17, 2016)

Slippy said:


> The Significant Other is 29 years old and doesn't have a place to live and doesn't have a job yet impregnates your daughter and you give them a place on your property to live????? WTF is wrong with you?
> 
> I'd kick the 29 year old sperm donor out and tell him he needs to have the decency to marry my daughter immediately and HE provides a place to live as a family and start acting like a father. If he doesn't do that immediately like tomorrow, I'd kick his ass again down the street again, but he's out tonight.
> 
> ...


You sound like my wife.... Its so hard as there is some medical issues with her.. Very costly..


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## Chipper (Dec 22, 2012)

You didn't say he was a dead beat. We've all been short of funds in our lives trying to get started. At least he's staying around apparently trying to take care of his family. Being married isn't always the immediate answer.

I would slowly encourage them to put away supplies and prepare. But I'm guessing everything is going to get on their feet and out of the garage.

All you can really do is show the daughter you truly care and hope she comes around. Hopefully she will grow up and realize your intent. Forcing any issue isn't going to help anyone at their age. Although you never mentioned the problem you have with her so it's hard to give advice.


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## Steve40th (Aug 17, 2016)

The issue is a medical issue due to her past issues with breaking her jaw. She made poor choices after that. Very poor.


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

Steve40th said:


> You sound like my wife.... Its so hard as there is some medical issues with her.. Very costly..


Steve, I will pray for you and your family tonight. It will be tough going but nobody said life is easy.

Be strong and let me know about the idiot sperm donor, I know a guy who knows a guy...


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## csi-tech (Apr 13, 2013)

I give all of the kids guns, ammo and I have acreage and a place to get away to when needed. That's what I do for the grand kids. And I change diapers when I watch them. Which sucks.


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## bigwheel (Sep 22, 2014)

Well if it hadnt have been for my rich truck driving dearly deceased old step Daddy in Law..the Warden and I would have starved to death in the first five years. Get a grip out there. Now letting them bunk together in carnality without a license..sounds pretty sinful to the untrained eye. You might need to ask a preacher about that..lol We might have to send some Pentecostals with snakes over there to get old Satan under control.


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## dmet (Jun 5, 2016)

Send the sperm donor packing; he's a loser and a user. Plan to raise the grandchild, which isn't so bad by the way. This unborn child deserves all the love from you and your wife that he or she can get. (As evidenced from this post, I see you are ready to do just that.) 

Look for local services, like pregnancy support centers. Your step daughter can go to classes and "earn" baby stuff. Have her sign up for WIC immediately. Also, she needs to sign up for medicaid for while she's pregnant (and it will ensure that the baby is covered when he/she is born). Just make sure the paperwork gets done to cover the child permanently after the child is born.

Start shopping yard sales for baby items unless you can afford to buy stuff new. Car seats have a "shelf life" now of 5 years....meaning, it's against the law to use them more than 5 years. There's an expiration date. You are not supposed to reuse one after a car accident, so beware if buying used car seats. 

Good luck. Sounds like there's some family dynamics going on already that need to be solved if at all possible.


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## A Watchman (Sep 14, 2015)

Seriously, I do not know all of the specifics , and cannot advise as to the appropriate next steps to better the situation ......... but I can tell you without a doubt, that there is no limits to my love for my children. No matter what they do.


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## Mad Trapper (Feb 12, 2014)

Put deadbeat to work ASAP. Mow your lawn paint the garage etc.......... If he won't improve where he is living for free, show him the door.

Some people are just down on luck and need some help, then there are the sponges. If he is a POS sponge/impregnator, get him out . If he tries and seems to be a good man, see if he might have a bit of redemption left in his soul and maybe step-Ds baby could have a father, which could be a good thing ? 

Don't put up with drugs, boozing, or "visitors". Make sure there is a line drawn between what/where is off limits. BE CAREFUL!!! When in doubt, KICK THEM OUT!

Good luck.


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## Steve40th (Aug 17, 2016)

Mad Trapper said:


> Put deadbeat to work ASAP. Mow your lawn paint the garage etc.......... If he won't improve where he is living for free, show him the door.
> 
> Some people are just down on luck and need some help, then there are the sponges. If he is a POS sponge/impregnator, get him out . If he tries and seems to be a good man, see if he might have a bit of redemption left in his soul and maybe step-Ds baby could have a father, which could be a good thing ?
> 
> ...


No visitors, no drugs or alcohol even. He works, she goes to clinic every day.. He works 5-6 days a week. But, not much for pay...


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## inceptor (Nov 19, 2012)

dmet said:


> Have her sign up for WIC immediately. Also, she needs to sign up for medicaid for while she's pregnant (and it will ensure that the baby is covered when he/she is born). Just make sure the paperwork gets done to cover the child permanently after the child is born.


I'm not sure about other states but they can't be too far off from TX. Get her to sign up for pregnancy medicaid. It's the easiest program out there next to WIC. They will cover all the medical costs. Once the child is born, the child will be (or should be) on medicaid for the 1st year automatically.

I don't know your financial situation and I don't really want to know but she could also qualify for food stamps. In many states (not all) food stamps also have a work requirement even if you are pregnant. If nothing else, she could be required to look for work. If they are still living together after the baby is born then the baby's daddy will be required to be on the food stamp case too (by federal law) and he will be required to look for work or loose his benefits.

Food stamps (SNAP), medicaid and tanf programs are federally funded. Yes, your tax dollars at work. The feds lay down the basic guidelines. Anything else the states offer beyond that are paid for by that state out of their own tax money.


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## dmet (Jun 5, 2016)

Mad Trapper is right. He may be worth taking under your wing? Agree w/ putting him to work around the house to help out. Maybe there's some way to help him get a better job? Good luck!


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## dmet (Jun 5, 2016)

inceptor said:


> I'm not sure about other states but they can't be too far off from TX. Get her to sign up for pregnancy medicaid. It's the easiest program out there next to WIC. They will cover all the medical costs. Once the child is born, the child will be (or should be) on medicaid for the 1st year automatically.
> 
> I don't know your financial situation and I don't really want to know but she could also qualify for food stamps. In many states (not all) food stamps also have a work requirement even if you are pregnant. If nothing else, she could be required to look for work. If they are still living together after the baby is born then the baby's daddy will be required to be on the food stamp case too (by federal law) and he will be required to look for work or loose his benefits.
> 
> Food stamps (SNAP), medicaid and tanf programs are federally funded. Yes, your tax dollars at work. The feds lay down the basic guidelines. Anything else the states offer beyond that are paid for by that state out of their own tax money.


I absolutely believe in encouraging family members to take advantage of programs such as these temporarily. Goodness knows I've (and other tax payers) paid my fair share for lazy, worthless deadbeats to take advantage of these programs on a more permanent basis!


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## Steve40th (Aug 17, 2016)

inceptor said:


> I'm not sure about other states but they can't be too far off from TX. Get her to sign up for pregnancy medicaid. It's the easiest program out there next to WIC. They will cover all the medical costs. Once the child is born, the child will be (or should be) on medicaid for the 1st year automatically.
> 
> I don't know your financial situation and I don't really want to know but she could also qualify for food stamps. In many states (not all) food stamps also have a work requirement even if you are pregnant. If nothing else, she could be required to look for work. If they are still living together after the baby is born then the baby's daddy will be required to be on the food stamp case too (by federal law) and he will be required to look for work or loose his benefits.
> 
> Food stamps (SNAP), medicaid and tanf programs are federally funded. Yes, your tax dollars at work. The feds lay down the basic guidelines. Anything else the states offer beyond that are paid for by that state out of their own tax money.


WIC was denied because he made too much. I told her to reapply because he is not married to her.
Medicaid, done. Lesson learned, when you initially sign up, you have 90 days to select program or MEDICAID, chooses for you.
So, she missed finding out if it was boy or girl . She went in and MUSC drenied her appointment due to her not reading everything thouroughly when signing up.
And I tried to put her on TRICARE as it would have covered her through her 26th b day, one month prior to birth, and a one month extension would have been easy to get. But she didnt want it. Stubborn.


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## Mad Trapper (Feb 12, 2014)

Steve40th said:


> No visitors, no drugs or alcohol even. He works, she goes to clinic every day.. He works 5-6 days a week. But, not much for pay...


Some of my best times in happiness, I was dead broke living on a 50 lb bag of taters.

If I did good and was productive I went on with a smile, if not hungry or roofless, maybe catch some trout or put up a deer.

But I was also schoolin, those liberal turds sure got an education with me, ended with pH D. But worked hard going to school, and lived in a car until snow got deep at times, dropped out and pumped gas, milled lumber and sold cordwood. We even bartered grown food at my college co-op, we called it the COOP. They had chickens and friendly girls with free ranging swingers (don't imagine girls). That was when "times were a changin", for the worse. Many years later, got a job but was not happy with academia, still had woods and farms in me. So here I am. In the woods and it's good.

Sorry for the ranting...... see if proisimsing young man has a possible future with S-D? Better to have two parents than one! But better ONE good one than A bad one.

EDIT: if he really works 5-6 days a week might be a keeper. I've worked 40 hrs for $ 100


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## SOCOM42 (Nov 9, 2012)

Steve, sounds like the guy is using the step daughter for a free ride by you.

He doesn't make much? An idiot? 

I would not let the guy stick around, always at odds with her? nothing to loose then, opinion of you is not going to change.

I have a daughter that is 28, she does not have a boyfriend, has her own major medical issues, we live together, and get along great together.

I had one a-hole after her about 10 years ago, I was still on the PD then, pulled him over one night and told him,

That if he did not go away on his own, he would still go away, permanently.


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## Operator6 (Oct 29, 2015)

SOCOM42 said:


> Steve, sounds like the guy is using the step daughter for a free ride by you.
> 
> He doesn't make much? An idiot?
> 
> ...


That's right, don't want no one mess'n with daddy's girl.


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## Boss Dog (Feb 8, 2013)

As much as I love all my children and grandchildren I've told them all, those children are your responsibility, not mine. 

I'll help those who are trying to help themselves. The others can hoof it on their own. It's hard to watch what some of them go through but, I cannot support all of them. If their parents fail due to stupidity, so be it. The children will have a tough life. Mine wasn't so easy and I made it through. 

No way in hell are they moving in my house (or anywhere on my property) and not married. Just went through that with one. I'm a mean old SOB to her right now. They have to learn to live with their decisions and consequences. If they get hooked on daddy bail outs, what would they do if I popped off tomorrow? 

They're all learning, but slowly and is some cases painfully. It's not like I didn't try to teach them.


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## 8301 (Nov 29, 2014)

Pray that the sperm doner moves on. Seen it and in my limited experience the best you can hope for is that he moves on. He is unlikely to move on with a free roof over his head and semi-free food. Think of them as a feral cat who looks to live where life is easy. Supporting people who won't work hard enough to support themselves (stepdaughter included) is a loosing situation. Unfortunately the soon to be child is stuck in the middle so a tough situation. 

I'd develop a thick skin and kick them out unless they paid serious rent. Life is tough but we all need to pay the bills. Keep in mind that I don't have to live with your wife but you do.

Just keep a spare pack of cloth diapers (also good as polishing rags) around and some tinned milk which you can later feed to the cats if not needed.

Some people won't grow up unless forced to.


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## Steve40th (Aug 17, 2016)

Thanks for all the advice etc. Its going to be a long haul. The freeloader sperm donor is a god kid. Yes, he is a beta male, no real drive but I have to , in the big scheme of things, take care of the grand child.. If that means letting them sit in my loft for free, then that is what it will be. I will get him to do chores of my choosing around the house as I travel allot. My wife is the one who is really running this program due to my travel, and she is hard core.. She isnt happy about this whole situation either.


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## A Watchman (Sep 14, 2015)

Good luck Steve.


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## Maine-Marine (Mar 7, 2014)

Slippy said:


> I know a guy who knows a guy...


I know that same guy, he is a friend of my friend Vinny's cousin


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## Maine-Marine (Mar 7, 2014)

I would help them enough so they are ok but not comfortable. If they happen to run out of food 2 days before next grocery run... fasting is good for the soul

DO NOT let them get comfortable


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## Camel923 (Aug 13, 2014)

Fine line between a helping hand and being an enabler. Personally, I have had many head butting sessions with my kids. I have always made it a point that as long as I am giving you a dime to get by, my rules, conditions and advise go with it. If you do not like it, fend for yourself. I assess the situation with my own moral compass and demand compliance. Tough love. These kids your helping Steve40 are doing somethings correct but not others. They have to want to help themselves. You and your wife are going to have to make clear what is expected and enforce it. God bless one and all.


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## inceptor (Nov 19, 2012)

Part of the problem is that progressives are pushing the fact that marriage doesn't matter. Growing up we never heard the term babies daddy used. Now, it's the pc way to be. smh

Good for you taking care of family regardless of how tough it will be. Family needs to take care of each other.

You said he's a good guy. Hopefully he'll learn a thing or two from you and your wife. A lot of people learn by example. Personal responsibility is rarely being taught. You have a chance here to help fix that.


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

DAMNIT STEVE,

I'm pissed off again! If the little sumbithc is living in your outbuilding I'd make damn sure I never washed another car, mowed another lawn, cleaned another garage or....wiped my ass again, that's his job now! 

People, STERILIZATION IS AN OPTION FOR SOME OF THESE FOLKS, LOOK INTO IT!

Slippy OUT


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## dmet (Jun 5, 2016)

Steve40th said:


> WIC was denied because he made too much. I told her to reapply because he is not married to her.
> Medicaid, done. Lesson learned, when you initially sign up, you have 90 days to select program or MEDICAID, chooses for you.
> So, she missed finding out if it was boy or girl . She went in and MUSC drenied her appointment due to her not reading everything thouroughly when signing up.
> And I tried to put her on TRICARE as it would have covered her through her 26th b day, one month prior to birth, and a one month extension would have been easy to get. But she didnt want it. Stubborn.


To be denied with his income means he has to be making more than $29,637/year or $2,470/month. I know that in today's world that still isn't much, but it should enough to provide well for her without having rent to pay...


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## Steve40th (Aug 17, 2016)

dmet said:


> To be denied with his income means he has to be making more than $29,637/year or $2,470/month. I know that in today's world that still isn't much, but it should enough to provide well for her without having rent to pay...


Yep, not much in todays world. But after taxes, its very hard to make it. Rent, electricity, food, gas. Well, you all know..
29K is barely enough for two..


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## inceptor (Nov 19, 2012)

Steve40th said:


> Yep, not much in todays world. But after taxes, its very hard to make it. Rent, electricity, food, gas. Well, you all know..
> 29K is barely enough for two..


Yeah but according to federal standards, FPIL (federal poverty income limit) it is enough to keep them out of the system. I think the minimum standard is %165 of FPIL for food stamps. Just hitting the mark or just below will only get you $16/mo. The only deductions allowed are rent/utilities and child care. Things such as gas, car and insurance payments, credit cards, etc are not allowed.


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## Boss Dog (Feb 8, 2013)

Steve40th said:


> ...My wife is the one who is really running this program due to my travel, and she is hard core.. She isnt happy about this whole situation either.


And when Momma isn't happy... Ain't NOBODY happy! :vs_shocked:


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## bigwheel (Sep 22, 2014)

If they dig too deep into the hip pocket..claim them as dependents on the income tax thing. Could turn out to be a very valuable commodity.


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## Targetshooter (Dec 4, 2015)

I raised my grandson for 6 years when my daughter was over in the gulf war , we hare very close and I wouldn't have it any other way , yes it was very hard at times but it was very well worth it , we have a bond that is unbreakable . what I am saying is grand kid are the best , teach them everything you know and it will pay off in the long run .


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## Sasquatch (Dec 12, 2014)

@Steve40th Sometimes tough love is the hardest, yet best love you can give. I have no doubt you want to do what is best for the kids and soon to be grandkid but my advice is don't be an enabler. Help them when you can but make sure they don't take advantage of it. If they do you need to be able and willing to cut ties. I wish you the best of luck!


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## charito (Oct 12, 2013)

Steve40th said:


> So my oldest step child is going to be a Momma. She and I have always been at odds, so, things arent peachy. Wife is isnt too happy about being a grandma . But, i have to ensure the baby is treated with all the best a grandpa can give, regardless if step daughter is going to let child call me grandpa or not. Shes is 25, unemployed and her significant other is 29. They are not married. He doesnt make allot, so we gave them the Finished room above the garage, and a fridge in the garage. No overhead except their own damn food.
> So, how do I prep for this fun, as my wife and I will be main supporters..


Add them to your prep, including the baby's needs - but I wouldn't tell them about that. Some people end up slacking when they know they can depend on someone.

You can help them out though through the baby, but it's tricky since you don't want them to start depending on you. Every now and then, drop them some diapers, or wipes, or baby food and say you came by them on sale.

How you treat this situation will depend on the full cooperation of your wife. After all, that's her biological daughter. 
How does your wife feels about this?


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## charito (Oct 12, 2013)

Steve40th said:


> No visitors, no drugs or alcohol even. He works, she goes to clinic every day.. He works 5-6 days a week. But, not much for pay...


At least he's trying. He's working.


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## Steve40th (Aug 17, 2016)

charito said:


> Add them to your prep, including the baby's needs - but I wouldn't tell them about that. Some people end up slacking when they know they can depend on someone.
> 
> You can help them out though through the baby, but it's tricky since you don't want them to start depending on you. Every now and then, drop them some diapers, or wipes, or baby food and say you came by them on sale.
> 
> ...


My wife is unhappy. The dynamics, financials etc are poor for those two kids, adult kids. She was looking forward to some other things in life we were going to do once our youngest goes to college in two years. Well, based on history, we wont be doing much for a while till we settle finances, due to this.. Once they get out, we know how our oldest is, it wont be a simple move out and everything is fine..


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## charito (Oct 12, 2013)

Steve40th said:


> My wife is unhappy. The dynamics, financials etc are poor for those two kids, adult kids. She was looking forward to some other things in life we were going to do once our youngest goes to college in two years. Well, based on history, we wont be doing much for a while till we settle finances, due to this.. Once they get out, we know how our oldest is, it wont be a simple move out and everything is fine..


Without paying rent, he's making more than enough to cover their food and utilities. Maybe, you can have them pay for the use of utilities so it doesn't feel like everything is a freebie. And hopefully, it wouldn't take long for you and your wife to do as you'd planned.
You and your wife becomes a model for this couple on how to have a family, a home. 
You say he's a good lad. That's positive. Perhaps all he needs is a boost, and a nudge in the right direction. 
Mutual respect, and understanding can go a long way.


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## A Watchman (Sep 14, 2015)

charito said:


> *Without paying rent, he's making more than enough to cover their food and utilities. Maybe, you can have them pay for the use of utilities so it doesn't feel like everything is a freebie.* And hopefully, it wouldn't take long for you and your wife to do as you'd planned.
> You and your wife becomes a model for this couple on how to have a family, a home.
> You say he's a good lad. That's positive. Perhaps all he needs is a boost, and a nudge in the right direction.
> Mutual respect, and understanding can go a long way.


^^^^^^ Yep, there it is. Participate in your own hand up!


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