# How to spend it?! More advice needed please.



## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

So today I came in to (what is to) me a large sum of money. $2,000. Now I know I should tell my husband but I really really don't want to. I've never deliberately kept anything like this from him before but like I mentioned in a previous post he is vehemently opposed to my prepping and won't let me spend a dime on it. What I would really like to do is put half of it back for an emergency and use the other half to buy a gun and ammo and some kind of preps. I guess the advice requested is 2 parts. 1st, is it completely horrible of me to keep the money from him? And 2nd if I do keep it, what should I buy with it?

Oh and the money was a bonus at work. Wasn't gained through any dishonorable means or anything.


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## TG (Jul 28, 2014)

Open your own bank account and put away 100% of this money.


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## hansonb4 (Aug 17, 2014)

I bought a gun without telling my wife and she was pissed, but then accepted the idea. Before you buy anything, ask yourself should you tell your hubby and if not, can you really hide it from him? What would he say or do if he found out


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## HuntingHawk (Dec 16, 2012)

Its your money so you should be able to spend it as you wish. Open your own account & bank all of it for now. Wait till you are sure of the handgun you want. Don't go real large on the 9mm as keep in mind you will end up wearing it concealed. A decent 9mm, spare mags & several boxes of ammo & you will have spent $1,000.


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## Moonshinedave (Mar 28, 2013)

This is a difficult question, I am generally against keeping secrets from spouses especially involving money. Usually leads to bad times IMO. I understand your Dilemma, I don't know your husband, you do, if it's at all possible to reason with him, I'd go that route.


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## HuntingHawk (Dec 16, 2012)

I'm not a good liar because I don't practice. But once you do purchase the pistol you can tell your hubby your son bought it for you or paid half.


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## Gunner's Mate (Aug 13, 2013)

Ok give him 500 hundred tell him to spend it however he wants have fun.. and you take 500 and buy a 9mm or 40 S&W you can easily find a a good quality handgun like a beretta or glock for 5 bills or less put the other 1000.00 in the bank or better yet in a home safe


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## Ripon (Dec 22, 2012)

While I have done it I don't advise keeping secrets from your spouse. It creates a rift and like I said I've done it but can't see us doing it again. The quagmire of him not wanting to prep is sad and I can only wish I could help. I am in a church based prepper group and 3 of our members have spouses (all women) who think it's a waste but they tolerate their husbands minor expenditures. 

1). Is there any way this money is just yours and should be considered as such for him to accept your full rights to it. For example when my dad passed I got mostly land and guns, but when it was all settled I got $4,400 and my wife had no issue with me using as I wanted. 

2). How could you bring a firearm into the home with out his knowing? I said I'd done this and my wife just has lost track of them all and when a new one pops up I just say "that ole" thing I've had for years....cough. 

Good luck. Good problem not a bad one. If you choose to save I'd opt for cash or PMs.


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

Since you asked, Slippy will answer;

If you have some debt, take the smallest debt you have and pay it off. 

If there is any left over take a portion and give it to someone that TRULY needs it.

If there is any left over after that, make an informed decision and buy the firearm and some ammo. You'll probably be out of money by then BUT if there is any left over that can go towards a nice evening with your husband, do that.

Usually I invest a bit of my "extra money" in Whiskey and Woman but that's just me.


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## Smokin04 (Jan 29, 2014)

This is a tough one. I agree with Toronto Gal (and Slippy...paying off debt is always a wise choice, but NOT before you can protect your family). Open another account that is only yours. Put the money in that account. I would never keep anything from my wife (if I had one) certainly money. I would also buy a gun (such as the one I recommended), accessories, and ammo. Then tell him AFTER you already made your purchase. All gun sales are final, so once you have it, it's yours. Now judging by the sound of him, he will probably have an immense problem with this. But stand your ground and explain that you're not a child and if he had any respect for his marriage or his wife...he would support you. This should be his his wake-up call. Keep in mind...YOU CAN NOT GIVE IN! Stand your ground and tell him that this is who you are. It's your money and you wanted a gun to protect yourself and your family. See where he takes the conversation. If he demands the money, or makes demands of any kind...you may really need to evaluate your life. If he doesn't make you feel butterflies anymore...he ain't doing it right. 

You deserve this. It's YOUR money. Do what YOU want to do with YOUR money. A generator wouldn't hurt either...just sayin'.


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## Jeep (Aug 5, 2014)

What Slippy said lol. In all seriousness buddy, I would follow your heart and mind. I think you may need to purchase a weapon since your hubby is not one.


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## alterego (Jan 27, 2013)

Do not ever tell any one that another person bought a gun for you. This is called a straw purchase. It is a felony nation wide. Do not lie. Nothing good becomes of it. Speak your truth quietly and clearly simply letting your yes mean yes and your no mean no. 

If you are in a relationship that you are in fear for your safety. Save the money and keep your secret. A secret is something that one person knows. If two know it is not a secret.

Distance between you and a threat is better than a pistol. 

If you do go with a pistol my girls really like our M&P 9 c 500 plus or minus. I have seen them in the high four hundreds.


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

Thanks all. I think I already knew in my heart I was going to keep the money. I hadn't thought of the bank account so I will be doing that first thing in the morning. Then I will do as Slippy suggested and give some to a girl who I know really needs it. Her fiancee passed away a month ago and had no life insurance and they had just bought a house. Then I'm going to buy a gun. It's going to be a _huge_ issue here. But I really feel like I need to do this.


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

Smokin04 said:


> A generator wouldn't hurt either...just sayin'.


I wish!! But I don't think I can stretch it that far...


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## alterego (Jan 27, 2013)

Kahlan said:


> Thanks all. I think I already knew in my heart I was going to keep the money. I hadn't thought of the bank account so I will be doing that first thing in the morning. Then I will do as Slippy suggested and give some to a girl who I know really needs it. Her fiancee passed away a month ago and had no life insurance and they had just bought a house. Then I'm going to buy a gun. It's going to be a _huge_ issue here. But I really feel like I need to do this.


Remember a bank mails statements to your house. Unless you have a security deposit box and a Po Box it is hard to keep a secret.

If you are keeping a secret you do not want to infuriate the person when they intercept the quarterly bank statement.


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## Ripon (Dec 22, 2012)

Having someone buy a firearm for you is only a straw purchase if that firearm is not legally transferred to you. If the gun is legally transferred to you it's not a straw purchase.


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## alterego (Jan 27, 2013)

Ripon said:


> Having someone buy a firearm for you is only a straw purchase if that firearm is not legally transferred to you. If the gun is legally transferred to you it's not a straw purchase.


Not true. Their is a case in which a police officer in Florida bought a fire arm for another officer out of state because it was so much cheaper. He transferred through an ffl on both ends. It was determined to be a straw purchase and a felony for both.


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## 7515 (Aug 31, 2014)

Kahlan, I don't know anything about you or your situation with your spouse but secrets, indicate trust issues.
It is you money and you should use it in a way that you see fit, but you should also be honest about it.(imho)

Congrats on your bonus, it is great to hear folks being successfully rewarded for hard work.


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## alterego (Jan 27, 2013)

The case involved a former Roanoke, Va., police officer, Bruce Abramski, who offered to buy his uncle, Angel Alvarez, a Glock 19 handgun. Mr. Alvarez could legally buy the gun himself, but Mr. Abramski thought he could get a discount with his old police identification, court papers said. So Mr. Alvarez sent him a check for $400 with 'Glock 19 handgun' written on the memo line. Mr. Abramski signed a form stating he was the actual buyer, despite a printed warning that "you are not the actual buyer if you are acquiring the firearm(s) on behalf of another person." He was sentenced to five years of probation.

Although the law bars purchasing of a gun on behalf of someone else, it also puts few restrictions on the giving away or reselling of firearms purchased from licensed dealers.

In dissent, Justice*Antonin Scalia*said the law only aimed to ensure that "the man at the counter" buying the gun truly was who he said he was "even where that man is in a practical sense a 'conduit' who will promptly transfer the gun to someone else." Chief Justice*John Roberts*and Justices Clarence Thomas and*Samuel Alito*joined the dissent.


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

I'm getting confused here. My original plan was just to buy the gun myself but to tell my husband my son gave it to me or sold it to me for super cheap. Is that illegal? Because I would absolutely not want to do something illegal. Not that it really matters now anyway because I'm going to just have to tell him the truth since I know I just can't lie or keep it a secret.


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## csi-tech (Apr 13, 2013)

I have sort of a where we go one, we go all mentality where marriage is concerned. In the end, you are either compatible or you aren't. If he cannot compromise on your wise, practical choice of lifestyle and make a few meager concessions he will likely not agree with you when it really counts. I am fortunate in that my wife instructed me to buy guns and ammunition. There was no limit set she just trusted my judgement. I may have gone completely overboard but she's cool with it.

It is perfectly legal to gift a gun that you own or buy it privately. Check state laws in your locale, but you cannot knowingly buy a firearm for a person who is otherwise ineligible of owning or possessing a firearm. That is a straw purchase. 

A “straw purchase” occurs when the actual buyer of a firearm uses another person, a “straw purchaser,” to execute the paperwork necessary to purchase a firearm from a federally licensed firearms dealer (FFL).1 A straw purchaser is a person with a clean background who purchases firearms specifically on behalf of a person prohibited from purchasing a firearm because he or she is a convicted felon, domestic violence misdemeanants, juvenile, mentally ill individual or other federally or state-defined prohibited person.2 The straw purchaser violates federal law by making a false statement to the FFL about a material fact by lying on ATF Form 4473 (the firearm transaction record) or presenting false identification in connection with the purchase.


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## MrsInor (Apr 15, 2013)

It sounds as though you do not feel this relationship is going to last. I would suggest taking a few hundred and finding a marriage counselor. Tell your husband to be there or your next stop is a lawyer. Keeping one secret leads to keeping many more. Sneaking around only leads to more distrust.

No one is "trapped" in a relationship and you might be surprised at what comes out with a counselor.


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## DerBiermeister (Aug 15, 2014)

Wow
This is where the rubber meets the road, ain't it?

I agree with -- I think it was Danny -- who said, use your money FIRST on defense of your family -- and that goes for your charity aspirations. Only after you have provided for your family should you be thinking about charity.

Secondly, you can do a LOT better on gun purchase and the extras than the $1000 that was mentioned. The M&P 9c can be had for the high $400s. Same with the M&P Shield 9 (which would be my recommendation as it is thinner and conceals a bit better -- but you sacrifice half the rounds. Everything is a trade-off.) Extra mags run around $35 each. Range ammo is $20 bucks a box of 50. You are going to want to buy a nice holster - and don't buy the first one you see. In fact, you may end up wanting to order a really nice one from folks like RGrizzle or a bunch of other makers. In that case, get a cheap one to hold you over until you get your custom made one. Anyway -- you can get all this for $750, not a $1000. 

Regarding your husband -- you have two choices, with NOTHING IN BETWEEN. You either come clean totally with your windfall, or you bury it so deep, it will NEVER surface and bite you in the rear end. You can't do this halfway. If you go the secrecy route, make sure you think it all through and do it in such a way that you have left no stone unturned. You almost have to think like a thief. (A successful one )


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## dannydefense (Oct 9, 2013)

Let's keep things simple; a straw purchase is when you purchase a firearm for someone _who cannot do so themselves_. This means people who would not pass the background check, or any other question on the 4473 that would bar them from accepting the transfer of a firearm. If your sole purpose is to buy the gun to pass it on to someone else, you must inform the FFL (this is a gift, etc).

You can buy a firearm for anyone who can and/or has bought one for themselves. I have bought a few for my wife, she a few for me, and the both of us bought one for the in-laws. IT IS NOT ILLEGAL. If you buy a gun and then decide to sell it, you have done nothing illegal.

Read the details of that case. The verdict was upheld because the check was written BEFORE he bought the gun, and even then it was tenuous at best. Don't just run around telling people they'll go to jail if they buy a gun for someone else.


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## dannydefense (Oct 9, 2013)

MrsInor said:


> *No one is "trapped" in a relationship* and you might be surprised at what comes out with a counselor.


Stockholm syndrome would beg to differ with you.


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## Sockpuppet (Sep 6, 2014)

alterego said:


> Do not ever tell any one that another person bought a gun for you. This is called a straw purchase. It is a felony nation wide........


Its only a straw purchase, if its not a gift.


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## Sockpuppet (Sep 6, 2014)

Kahlan said:


> I'm getting confused here. My original plan was just to buy the gun myself but to tell my husband my son gave it to me or sold it to me for super cheap. Is that illegal? Because I would absolutely not want to do something illegal. Not that it really matters now anyway because I'm going to just have to tell him the truth since I know I just can't lie or keep it a secret.


No, its not illegal. Unless misdirecting your husband is a crime.


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## Go2ndAmend (Apr 5, 2013)

I don't know what the law is in South Carolina, but in California one half of that money is legally belongs to your spouse as community property. I think you need to decide for yourself what is more important, your relationship or your preps. Keeping secrets, telling lies and half-truths will only lead to distrust and animosity. I wouldn't go behind my spouses back on this issue if it was me. That's just my two cents worth.


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

dannydefense said:


> Let's keep things simple; a straw purchase is when you purchase a firearm for someone _who cannot do so themselves_. This means people who would not pass the background check, or any other question on the 4473 that would bar them from accepting the transfer of a firearm. If your sole purpose is to buy the gun to pass it on to someone else, you must inform the FFL (this is a gift, etc).
> 
> You can buy a firearm for anyone who can and/or has bought one for themselves. I have bought a few for my wife, she a few for me, and the both of us bought one for the in-laws. IT IS NOT ILLEGAL. If you buy a gun and then decide to sell it, you have done nothing illegal.
> 
> Read the details of that case. The verdict was upheld because the check was written BEFORE he bought the gun, and even then it was tenuous at best. Don't just run around telling people they'll go to jail if they buy a gun for someone else.


Thank you for clearing that up for me.


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## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

I am in the camp with Mrs Inor, Slippy and CSI Tech. The only times it is okay to keep secrets from your spouse is Christmas and birthdays.

So, I guess my advice would be if you think the relationship is salvageable, use the money to pay off some bills. If not, then save it for a retainer for an attorney. Sorry to be a wet blanket.


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## DerBiermeister (Aug 15, 2014)

You could KISS it too (Keep It Simple Stupid)

You got $2000 -- take a $1000, tell your husband to spend it wisely on the family (maybe pay off bills).

Take the second $1000, tell your husband YOU are going to spend it wisely on the family and purchase some home defense. Stand your ground AND MEAN IT. This just may be the ice-breaker.


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## OC40 (Sep 16, 2014)

I'll be honest after 18 years of marriage IF I'm keeping secrets its time to start investing in a good divorce lawyer. Cold hard truth...


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

Well thanks for all the responses. I'm really torn. I know the right thing to do is tell him about the money but I also know that means I'll never get my gun.


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

MrsInor said:


> ...I would suggest taking a few hundred and finding a marriage counselor...


Excellent suggestion Mrs I.

Unfortunately, Slippy's Marriage Counseling and Pike Building Emporium has got a back log of at least 6 months but ole Slip agrees enthusiastically. Only The Good Lord knows how many marriages Slippy saved this weekend at Talladega SuperSpeedway NASCAR race.


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## TG (Jul 28, 2014)

Before we got married, I told my future husband that I will have a separate bank account in addition to our joint account, I told him that I have seen too many women left with nothing when husbands leave, die or both may lose their jobs. This has nothing to do with trust or worry that a marriage may not work, it's security, insurance and one of the most important preps a woman should have. This bank account is for immediate expenses when you feel you may need them, I have enough in there for 6 months-worth of living.


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## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

Slippy said:


> Excellent suggestion Mrs I.
> 
> Unfortunately, Slippy's Marriage Counseling and Pike Building Emporium has got a back log of at least 6 months but ole Slip agrees enthusiastically. Only The Good Lord knows how many marriages Slippy saved this weekend at Talladega SuperSpeedway NASCAR race.


Can you do special order pikes? I was thinking a pair of tie dyed pikes. I would like to have a he hippie and a she hippie at the end of my driveway. I was thinking they would look nice on tie dyed pikes. Please PM a quote to me.


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## Arklatex (May 24, 2014)

TorontoGal said:


> Before we got married, I told my future WIFE that I will have a separate bank account in addition to our joint account, I told HER that I have seen too many MEN left with nothing when WIVES leave, die or both may lose their jobs. This has nothing to do with trust or worry that a marriage may not work, it's security, insurance and one of the most important preps a MAN should have. This bank account is for immediate expenses when you feel you may need them, I have enough in there for 6 months-worth of living.


Works both ways!


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## Smokin04 (Jan 29, 2014)

Kahlan said:


> Well thanks for all the responses. I'm really torn. I know the right thing to do is tell him about the money but I also know that means I'll never get my gun.


Thats why I said you should buy it first....gun sales are final


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## TG (Jul 28, 2014)

Arklatex said:


> Works both ways!


Absolutely! My husband has his own too, he just bought a stupid $10K triathlon bike with the money but I don't say a word against it


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## Zed (Aug 14, 2014)

Kahlan...first and foremost....note down ...items that you need to buy for bug out bag..
I remember you said thay you got good food and water backup....
Make a list of prep items...get home bag....firearms included.....
calculate the cost.....if you want..give the remaining money to your husband....AFTER ...buying prep items....


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

Slippy's Marriage Counseling 101

EVERYTHING IS TOGETHER! NO HIS, NO HERS. TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE.


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## shotlady (Aug 30, 2012)

Kahlan said:


> I had thought of this. Already discussed it with my son tonight. He said he could say he gave me one. He has so many I am pretty sure that would be believed. I am a horrible liar but I know there's no way he'd let me keep the money and definitely would never let me buy a gun.


give the money to your son, let him buy you a gun, ammo and preps and training for the gun.

I usually don't hide anything. I wouldn't marry some one I had to hide something from. but that's just me.


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## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

Slippy said:


> Slippy's Marriage Counseling 101
> 
> EVERYTHING IS TOGETHER! NO HIS, NO HERS. TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE.


Abso-****ing-lutely!!! I used to say "Mrs Inor and I are one guy". But she kept asking "How come we can't be one gal?" So we finally settled on "We are one asexual androgynous humanoid unit that punches hippies every chance we get and makes a damn bad-ass apple crisp"!

When Mrs Inor and I married, we both went all-in 110%. If we were ever to split, neither of us could ever recover monetarily, emotionally or physically. In other words, we either win it all or lose it all together, period. That keeps us honest and it keeps us working for each other's benefit. Plus she cracks me up.


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## MrsInor (Apr 15, 2013)

Slippy said:


> Slippy's Marriage Counseling 101
> 
> EVERYTHING IS TOGETHER! NO HIS, NO HERS. TWO ARE BETTER THAN ONE.


I cannot believe how many folks here advocate being secretive. 
For one thing only one side of this relationship is being heard from. 
Secondly, lies lead to more lies, secrets lead to more secrets and that is damn hard to maintain in a relationship.
Marriage built on deceit is a disaster waiting to happen.


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

shotlady said:


> give the money to your son, let him buy you a gun, ammo and preps and training for the gun.
> 
> I usually don't hide anything. I wouldn't marry some one I had to hide something from. but that's just me.


Good point ShotLady,

The only thing I "hide" from Mrs Slippy is the number of beers that I drink on a NASCAR Sunday. What I usually do, is take my empty's and scatter them around the various garbage cans at Slippy Lodge in the off chance that Mrs Slippy is counting my beers. I bank on Mrs Slippy forgetting to count the garbage cans in my office, the guest bedroom or garage. However she is usually sober and I am not so I get caught. I then accuse her of not being able to count and once again, she is sober and I am not so she wins.

So then I switch over to whiskey and keep a spare bottle of Jack on the back porch or in the bathroom linen closet. I don't think she has caught on to that trick yet.
Thanks


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## TG (Jul 28, 2014)

I have seen my share of women who were suddenly single, alone with the kids with joint bank account drained by the husband... I used to volunteer at a women's shelter.


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## Wise Prepper (Oct 2, 2014)

The last and only thing I have kept from my fiance is the ring I bought her and the get together afterwords. I took her to a secluded part of a lake to show her my surprise. Maybe you you get the gun and take him to a remote area and show him your surprise? Maybe budget for and few concrete block and rope? Or a shovel? JK! You should really think about where you two are going! You two need a good coming to Jesus meeting! Oh and don't mention money till you know things are good. You may end up a single mother and need the money more than ever. GL to you I really mean it!


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## BagLady (Feb 3, 2014)

You're the only one who really knows what to expect in your relationship. From what I've read so far, it doesnt sound good. That said, I would save the money, and not make any purchases until you decide whether or not this relationship is going to last. 
That way you will have what you need to make it on your own. 
Life is too hard without security and peace of mind.


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## thepeartree (Aug 25, 2014)

Kahlan said:


> Thanks all. I think I already knew in my heart I was going to keep the money. I hadn't thought of the bank account so I will be doing that first thing in the morning. Then I will do as Slippy suggested and give some to a girl who I know really needs it. Her fiancee passed away a month ago and had no life insurance and they had just bought a house. Then I'm going to buy a gun. It's going to be a _huge_ issue here. But I really feel like I need to do this.


The funny thing is that something similar happened to me about 6 weeks ago. I ended up paying some bills, taking the family out to dinner a number of times and guess what- buying a gun! 
In my case, it was a mossberg 500 shotgun, but that's immaterial.

Now, I have a little additional suggestion: open the account with the full amount at a local credit union. This does some good things. It puts the money in an account that doesn't cost you fees, the money will earn interest, and you help out the credit union, which is run by local folks.

There's more. You can get more mileage (literally) if you use the money to buy those gift cards with your credit card. Spending money that way saves you a little discount on whatever the card is for and generally speaking, you either earn airline miles or a percentage cash back from the card company. It's like being paid to use the money.

P.s. I didn't tell my wife where I got the money and she didn't ask. But that's the kind of marriage I've got. Good luck on the whole thing. At least if it blows up, you'll have the money to bug out. Go move in with that almost-widower.


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## Dinah (Sep 22, 2014)

I am a big fan of honesty with your spouse.. because you expect that in return. With that said .. I followed that advice most of my marriage until it was so apparent he could not handle money at all. So now in self defense I don't always let him know when a little extra comes along. I like the idea I saw in one of the replies of giving him control of a portion of the money and I definitely would open yourself a bank acct with $1000


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## Dalarast (May 16, 2014)

I believe Baglady has a point on this one. Before I would spend $2000 on any investment for prepping I would insure that your investing the right things on a person level. 

That being said... just like any bonus I ever get... spend something on yourself. Be it a pistol or just a pair of running shoes. Make the investment into your moral.


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## thepeartree (Aug 25, 2014)

If my wife wants to know, all she needs do is ask. I would tell her immediately. Normally, I would agree with tthe majority, but I have a bad feeling about the male flake involved. He's got some seriously skewed ideas about marriage and life.

But, hey, maybe you can buy him a self-defense course. Tell him you want to make sure he can punch: )


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## pheniox17 (Dec 12, 2013)

If its been said already.... Sorry

But ask yourself, why do you feel the need to hide things from your partner?? This needs to be addressed, if its a prep police issue... Sort it out, if its a stubborn prick issue, it needs to be addressed, this is causing you to cheat on your husband with prepping, how sad dose that sound ..


He needs to accept it as your hobby or accept a divorce... As this is sad, stupid and will make both your lives miserable...

I recall your behind on a few bills, put half to help catch up, other half on a 2nd hand good quality firearm and training (IMO) but sort your life out, you have a pre made team, that gives you a slight edge, but your team is at odds, either become one, or split 

Sorry to be the devils advocate but hell, its important to you, and if your partner is not supportive, you don't have a partner... Just a husband in title only (and people wonder why I don't get married)


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## thepeartree (Aug 25, 2014)

Pre-made team? Oh, I thought you meant her kids!

And I never once wondered why you weren't married.


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## pheniox17 (Dec 12, 2013)

thepeartree said:


> Pre-made team? Oh, I thought you meant her kids!
> 
> And I never once wondered why you weren't married.


Real life people not imaginary internet people 

And the kids make one part (mine are 6 months 5 years and 6 years old) but a supportive partner just makes it feel complete (IMO)


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

Inor said:


> When Mrs Inor and I married, we both went all-in 110%. If we were ever to split, neither of us could ever recover monetarily, emotionally or physically. In other words, we either win it all or lose it all together, period. That keeps us honest and it keeps us working for each other's benefit. Plus she cracks me up.


This is perfect and I know that's what marriage should be like.



Slippy said:


> So then I switch over to whiskey and keep a spare bottle of Jack on the back porch or in the bathroom linen closet. I don't think she has caught on to that trick yet.
> Thanks


Slippy's posts _Still_ always make me smile, even when he's right and telling me things I don't want to hear.



TorontoGal said:


> I have seen my share of women who were suddenly single, alone with the kids with joint bank account drained by the husband... I used to volunteer at a women's shelter.


This isn't what scares so me so much as the knowledge that if anything were to ever happen, be it a shtf scenario or a simple home invasion, I am dead. If I stay with him I will die. He can't/won't protect me and won't let me protect myself.



MrsInor said:


> For one thing only one side of this relationship is being heard from.


Very true. You are all only hearing my side and not his. I can't speak for him, I can only repeat things he has said to me and my _feelings/opinions_ on why he believes and says some of the things he does. But I assure you when I posted in a previous thread "I asked him how he could make fun of me wanting to protect myself and he told me he would protect me. I asked him how he planned to do that with no weapons and he said "I'd punch them". That was his honest to god answer. When a gang of men is attacking us he is going to "punch them".



Inor said:


> So, I guess my advice would be if you think the relationship is salvageable, use the money to pay off some bills. If not, then save it for a retainer for an attorney. Sorry to be a wet blanket.


 Not a wet blanket, you're honest. I asked for advice and you gave me advice. Just because it isn't easy to hear doesn't mean it's not true and I know that.



Box of frogs said:


> Congrats on your bonus, it is great to hear folks being successfully rewarded for hard work.


Thank you!! It was very unexpected and imho very much deserved 



MrsInor said:


> No one is "trapped" in a relationship


 You're right. I am trapped only by myself and I have the power to free myself if that's the decision I come to. I honestly don't take the vows lightly which is why I am still here. I want to do the right thing, I am trying really hard to do the right thing even though I feel in my heart that doing the right thing is going to doom me in the future.



Smokin04 said:


> Open another account that is only yours. Put the money in that account. I would never keep anything from my wife (if I had one) certainly money.


Wait... you're suggesting I do something you would never do? Or did I take it out of context?


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

One more thing...



MrsInor said:


> I would suggest taking a few hundred and finding a marriage counselor. Tell your husband to be there or your next stop is a lawyer. Keeping one secret leads to keeping many more. Sneaking around only leads to more distrust. No one is "trapped" in a relationship and you might be surprised at what comes out with a counselor.


The counselor will probably tell _him_ to get a lawyer when he finds out what a crazy loon I am. I can hear it now... Husband: "She moved all my things out of the shed so she could make room for all of her end of the world supplies." Counselor: ..... get a lawyer dude.

I might be exaggerating but that does kind of worry me a little about the counselor idea. He will think I am some crazy doomsday prepper and side with my husband and once again I'll feel the fool and then husband will be right.


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## thepeartree (Aug 25, 2014)

I think at this point we should all sit back a bit. Unfortunately your situation has us running in circles. I'm pretty sure we all hate to go advising you to leave, but your husband's actions and words don't seem to leave any other long-term plan. If the shtf, you and the son living at home are in deep trouble. And the counselor depends on truthful input from both parties, as well as people willing to compromise. I don't see that being the case.

I hope I'm making sense. Last night was a rough night. No sleep.


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## Smokin04 (Jan 29, 2014)

Yeah...out of context. I should clarify. 
A) I've never combined funds with any of my GF's, fiance's, or wives. It was easier for each of us to manage our own money. If we needed help, we helped each other.
B) I would never advise anyone to do something I wouldn't do.

As others have mentioned...it not a good idea to keep secrets, whether you like the man right now or not. But situating the money how you see fit is very important because you don't know how he'll react. Or maybe you do, which is why you are reluctant to tell him. I usually err on the side of caution which is why keeping the money safe (for now) is important. Giving some to your friend is very noble and shows what an Angel you are. Opening an account for you only, demonstrates how smart you are. Spending money on a gun or preps demonstrates that you are not a victim. All of these are good things. 

I am guessing that when you tell him, he wont be happy. This to me means that he does not respect your happiness. He should be happy/excited for you. He should be the guy advising you on how to best benefit from it...not us here on this board (nothing against anyone here...you folks rock which is why we're all here). It's just a shame that it is not the reality of the situation. The reality is...you're uncomfortable with him, and he doesn't even realize that he's losing his wife's affection (or maybe even losing his wife all together) because he's unsupportive.


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## HuntingHawk (Dec 16, 2012)

Kahlan, send me the $2,000 & dilemma solved. LOL


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## Sockpuppet (Sep 6, 2014)

Kahlan said:


> .......If I stay with him I will die. He can't/won't protect me and won't let me protect myself.......


A relationship should be built on honesty and trust, but this statement is the most telling of all. It not only demonstrates a lack of trust by him, but also a profound lack of respect.

A couple thousand dollars won't make a scratch in Kahlen's family medical debt, and there is a more pressing, immediate need for protection. If a husband can't or won't protect his wife from harm, it seems reasonable that a woman should have the means to protect herself.

So everyone will excuse me when I advocate for Kahlan to purchase her firearm, with or without her husband's knowledge and/or permission, and stick around a few years for her children and grandchildren to remember her.


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## Notsoyoung (Dec 2, 2013)

Honesty is extremely important in a relationship, but then so is mutual respect. I guess I am fortunate in that for me and my wife there is no "my money" nor "her money" it's "our money", although we both get a set amount each week to spend on what we want. I was gone allot when in the Army, often with a few hours prior notice, and my wife had to have access to all of our funds just to pay our bills.

Something you might consider is telling your husband that your bonus should be considered "found" money, and that you should split it, each getting $1,000 to spend on what you want. Just a suggestion.

I will not tell you what to do, just give suggestions. I don't know your situation or feelings. What I do know is that my wife would find it very difficult if she didn't think that I would do my best to protect her, and I would have a hard time if I didn't think she would do the same for me. In MY case, I don't think that I would be married to my wife if I thought that she wouldn't. It wouldn't make her a bad person, and maybe it wouldn't be important to some people, but IMO people who wouldn't defend their spouses also seem to feel that their spouses should be willing to defend themselves. As I said, that doesn't make her a bad person, just a person I wouldn't want to be married to.

In the end, it is YOUR situation and YOUR decision.


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## pheniox17 (Dec 12, 2013)

Sockpuppet said:


> A relationship should be built on honesty and trust, but this statement is the most telling of all. It not only demonstrates a lack of trust by him, but also a profound lack of respect.
> 
> A couple thousand dollars won't make a scratch in Kahlen's family medical debt, and there is a more pressing, immediate need for protection. If a husband can't or won't protect his wife from harm, it seems reasonable that a woman should have the means to protect herself.
> 
> So everyone will excuse me when I advocate for Kahlan to purchase her firearm, with or without her husband's knowledge and/or permission, and stick around a few years for her children and grandchildren to remember her.


This opinion I actually support, as that's a final option...

I don't like secretes, as many have pointed out (including a husband and wife team) that it will lead to disaster...

We all have choices, and get help, if he won't support a minor hobby that helps the family (again avoid prepper, you are just getting prepared for a disaster of any shape) and see how it rides... If I diddnt support Mrs pheniox's hobbies I won't have the family I do today, if she did not support mine, again same thing... (Yes I'm using the word hobby for a reason, it can evolve into a way of life) but its not nuts having upto a years worth of food, if you watch the news, Katrina is still not 100% forgotten, the recession, where a lot of people lost their job for over a year, middle class people sleeping in a carpark.. This doesn't happen but it did

SOMEBODY KICK ME OFF MY SOAP BOX


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## indie (Sep 7, 2013)

So, the thing I keep seeing is that he won't "let" you do what you want. What's the consequence? Does he beat you? That's about the only time I'd advocate leaving. But seriously, think it through to the outcome: _what will happen if you go against his wishes_? A temper tantrum? The silent treatment?

I see a lot of advice to leave him and while I understand that reasoning, it's never so easy and straightforward. But you don't have to be a floor mat while you're with him. It's time that you start taking control of where you want to be going. He obviously won't support you, but it doesn't sound like that's a big loss. So if you feel like you want to spend that money on a gun, do it and do it without apology. You're not his slave and it's not his money.

Good luck.


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## PossumPie (Oct 2, 2014)

Somewhat on topic, off topic, I don't know...A VERY personal question, so I won't expect everyone to answer, but have any of you considered what you would do if it was apparent that things were absolutely hopeless? The movie "Testament showed the family getting in their car in the garage with the door shut and starting it up. They chickened out in the end but they had a plan. My wife and I have discussed the possibility, and we have a plan if there is no other options for us...I'm not afraid of death, but I'd prefer to pick a non-painful method.


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## BagLady (Feb 3, 2014)

I don't think a marriage councelor would judge or condemn you. I think they just try to help two people communicate better.
If you think about it, they probably hear a lot more "juicy" stuff from couples. I wouldnt be embarrassed about prepping.
Besides, we are preppers, and we're not crazy...:lol:


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## BagLady (Feb 3, 2014)

PossumPie said:


> Somewhat on topic, off topic, I don't know...A VERY personal question, so I won't expect everyone to answer, but have any of you considered what you would do if it was apparent that things were absolutely hopeless? The movie "Testament showed the family getting in their car in the garage with the door shut and starting it up. They chickened out in the end but they had a plan. My wife and I have discussed the possibility, and we have a plan if there is no other options for us...I'm not afraid of death, but I'd prefer to pick a non-painful method.


This would be a good thread by itself. Why don't you start one? 
Do that and I will answer.


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

indie said:


> So, the thing I keep seeing is that he won't "let" you do what you want. What's the consequence? Does he beat you? That's about the only time I'd advocate leaving. But seriously, think it through to the outcome: _what will happen if you go against his wishes_? A temper tantrum? The silent treatment?
> 
> I see a lot of advice to leave him and while I understand that reasoning, it's never so easy and straightforward. But you don't have to be a floor mat while you're with him. It's time that you start taking control of where you want to be going. He obviously won't support you, but it doesn't sound like that's a big loss. So if you feel like you want to spend that money on a gun, do it and do it without apology. You're not his slave and it's not his money.
> 
> Good luck.


No he would not beat me. He's definitely not a violent person. I don't mean to give that impression.


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## Dalarast (May 16, 2014)

BagLady said:


> This would be a good thread by itself. Why don't you start one?
> Do that and I will answer. Do not and regret it


So bossy and scary! You best do what she said...

Don't you hit me BagLady! Can't bully me


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## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

indie said:


> You're not his slave and it's not his money.
> 
> Good luck.


Psst...Hey Indie,
We love you but please stop spreading around that nonsense!


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## indie (Sep 7, 2013)

Slippy said:


> Psst...Hey Indie,
> We love you but please stop spreading around that nonsense!


:lol:

Well this conversation could turn interesting...


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## TG (Jul 28, 2014)

indie said:


> :lol:
> 
> Well this conversation could turn interesting...


Slippy is harmless and very sweet, all he requires is a sandwich and a shot of something strong, the rest of the world is yours


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## TacticalCanuck (Aug 5, 2014)

I believe in the 50 50 rule. All bills split 50 50. Including debt pay off. No debt if your not compliant. In other words your spouse wants a bmw and u think a hyundai will do. They dont bring you in on it and come home with it well then no 50 50. Its mutually agreed or its on your own. After that whats yours is yours and spent saved burned eaten shot on whatever you see fit. I believe in financial freedom and the right to make up your mind in your own home. 50 50 on agreeances. Then your on your own. My wife and i split all bills and debt amd then there are things she does i dont pay for like monthly trips to the hair stylists etc. She dont pay my ammo costs or guitar amps. You need the freedom to be who you are while still being part of a bigger and hopefully bettter family unit. I know you dont have this but i didnt at one time either. It is possible. Mutual exclusion. Together and still independant. 

Id pay off a personal or joint debt to free up monthly capitl for preps as can be got without compromising your security. 

If possible to save save at home. If lights go out banks do too. If its bad enough paper money really wont matter.


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## DerBiermeister (Aug 15, 2014)

Let's get back to the original reason for this thread --- what to do with the $2000?
I've already given some advice, but I am going to change that right now because of what I am learning about your situation.

I like the idea of your opening an account. Do this immediately and stick the money in there. Then tell your husband about the money, how you came upon it (emphasize that after all it is YOURS, that YOU earned it), and that you have stuck it away for safe keeping to be used at such time that the family needs it. I wouldn't spend a dime of it right now.

You and your family probably have a budget. While not going hog-wild, you obviously find money to spend on entertainment, etc. So maybe you can't buy that gun you want right this minute -- but you can plan for it, and start setting money aside. You can still learn to shoot, get your CCW permit, handle many more weapons in the mean time. If you really want to start carrying, borrow a pistol from your son.

Having that $2000 sitting in reserve is going to be a damn good feeling for both you and your husband. He just is going to have to come to grips with the fact that YOU are in charge of it. Make this part of his learning curve about the new you. He is already awakening to the fact that you are a stubborn and determined lady. (Both are good traits btw). And I think given enough time, he is slowly going to accept your determination on prepping and being armed. So ... this should actually HELP you in your marital difficulties and take any immediate crazy actions off the table.


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## Maine-Marine (Mar 7, 2014)

Slippy said:


> Usually I invest a bit of my "extra money" in Whiskey and Woman..


the rest of it is just wasted


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## Stick (Sep 29, 2014)

I don't presume to speak for all of us, but I think all of us really like you.


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## thepeartree (Aug 25, 2014)

Sockpuppet said:


> A relationship should be built on honesty and trust, but this statement is the most telling of all. It not only demonstrates a lack of trust by him, but also a profound lack of respect.
> 
> A couple thousand dollars won't make a scratch in Kahlen's family medical debt, and there is a more pressing, immediate need for protection. If a husband can't or won't protect his wife from harm, it seems reasonable that a woman should have the means to protect herself.
> 
> So everyone will excuse me when I advocate for Kahlan to purchase her firearm, with or without her husband's knowledge and/or permission, and stick around a few years for her children and grandchildren to remember her.





PossumPie said:


> Somewhat on topic, off topic, I don't know...A VERY personal question, so I won't expect everyone to answer, but have any of you considered what you would do if it was apparent that things were absolutely hopeless? The movie "Testament showed the family getting in their car in the garage with the door shut and starting it up. They chickened out in the end but they had a plan. My wife and I have discussed the possibility, and we have a plan if there is no other options for us...I'm not afraid of death, but I'd prefer to pick a non-painful method.


I prefer to operate outside the box. Hopeless (I'm guessing you mean as in overwhelming shtf) can be deadly, but if you don't have strength of spirit enough to hope, then you might just as well step in front of a truck. That still doesn't give you the right to decide for others what constitutes hopeless. 
Tell us the exact circumstances and we can decide for ourselves if it's hopeless.


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## Sockpuppet (Sep 6, 2014)

Kahlan said:


> Wait, who are we talking about here? Slippy? We all like Slippy!


Certainly not talking about me.

I'm an a******, and nobody likes an a******.

Except maybe another a******.


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## HuntingHawk (Dec 16, 2012)

Any idea yet on the make & model 9mm you are getting?


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

HuntingHawk said:


> Any idea yet on the make & model 9mm you are getting?


Aahhh well if I answer that question then it will mean that I decided to keep the money and as I learned that was _not_ a popular idea on this thread. In fact it was almost unanimous that I needed to tell the husband about it. So I'm in kind of a spot here.


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## TG (Jul 28, 2014)

Kahlan said:


> Aahhh well if I answer that question then it will mean that I decided to keep the money and as I learned that was _not_ a popular idea on this thread. In fact it was almost unanimous that I needed to tell the husband about it. So I'm in kind of a spot here.


Screw the advice, do what you have to


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

TorontoGal said:


> Screw the advice, do what you have to


It's ok, I have thick skin. (kinda) (ok no, not at all) But anyway... I do truly appreciate all of the advice I received and it wasn't a decision I made lightly. I know a lot of people won't agree with what I decided to do but I kept the money. I can't justify it other than say it is just what I felt like I had to do.

I opened a bank account in only my name and deposited $1,000
I bought the gun (9mm Ruger), clips etc in the picture below for $450
I bought myself a winter coat, some food and misc preps for around $350
I gave my friend $100 
That now leaves me $100 in cash which I hid in my preps.


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## Lastsister (Oct 22, 2014)

I have been encouraged by my grown son to buy some gold and silver instead of keep my money in the bank. It makes me nervous to spend it but if the FED takes it, I will be pissed and it will be GONE. So I bought some sliver and am going to buy some gold. Precious metals have been valuable (more than "paper") for centuries. Think about it.


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## Dalarast (May 16, 2014)

Kahlan said:


> It's ok, I have thick skin. (kinda) (ok no, not at all) But anyway... I do truly appreciate all of the advice I received and it wasn't a decision I made lightly. I know a lot of people won't agree with what I decided to do but I kept the money. I can't justify it other than say it is just what I felt like I had to do.
> 
> I opened a bank account in only my name and deposited $1,000
> I bought the gun (9mm Ruger), clips etc in the picture below for $450
> ...


Oh my gawd that is terrible... why did you get that firearm.. that ammo is terrible... and that holster.. geeesh couldn't you get leather!!!!!!

I'm joking! Honestly if you feel you made a good decision that is really all that matters! Kudos for not just getting a firearm; but buying extra magazines. And you could also use the $100 for your concealed carry class/permit too.

Oh and if I haven't said it yet... welcome to the gun bug.


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## Lastsister (Oct 22, 2014)

TorontoGal, I don't trust the banks anymore. I will keep what I need to run the house on each month but I think I will feel safer if I buy precious metals and survival things. It is true that Kahlan should use her money as she feels would be most advantageous.


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## Dalarast (May 16, 2014)

Lastsister said:


> TorontoGal, I don't trust the banks anymore. I will keep what I need to run the house on each month but I think I will feel safer if I buy precious metals and survival things. It is true that Kahlan should use her money as she feels would be most advantageous.


Pppppssssst. Hiya welcome to the forums... when you get a chance you should make an introduction thread so all the members will come around and greet you with smiles and waves and silly comments!


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

Dalarast said:


> Oh my gawd that is terrible... why did you get that firearm.. that ammo is terrible... and that holster.. geeesh couldn't you get leather!!!!!!
> 
> I'm joking! Honestly if you feel you made a good decision that is really all that matters! Kudos for not just getting a firearm; but buying extra magazines. And you could also use the $100 for your concealed carry class/permit too.
> 
> Oh and if I haven't said it yet... welcome to the gun bug.


The gun was the same one I used when I went shooting the first time which is why I wanted it. I already knew I liked it and felt comfortable with it and could aim fairly decently with it for a beginner. It has a laser too but I haven't figured out how to use that yet and don't see a situation in the near future where I would need it. The holster is crap but I don't really care. I can always get a better holster later. And I'm not sure if I got a good deal or not but the guy needed the money really bad and I needed the gun so it seemed like a win win. And yep I do still have to get that permit too.


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## Lastsister (Oct 22, 2014)

Good for you. I on the other hand feel somewhat concerned about a gun. I have one and although I have practiced a little I feel intimidated by them. I really don't want to take a life. Now I am going to have everyone telling me what a dummy I am, better to shoot than be sorry, right?


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

Lastsister said:


> I have been encouraged by my grown son to buy some gold and silver instead of keep my money in the bank. It makes me nervous to spend it but if the FED takes it, I will be pissed and it will be GONE. So I bought some sliver and am going to buy some gold. Precious metals have been valuable (more than "paper") for centuries. Think about it.


Welcome to the forums! I know this is a topic that has been discussed quite a bit on the forums. I may look into it eventually but for the moment with my circumstances I need the hard cold cash.


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## Dalarast (May 16, 2014)

Kahlan said:


> The gun was the same one I used when I went shooting the first time which is why I wanted it. I already knew I liked it and felt comfortable with it and could aim fairly decently with it for a beginner. It has a laser too but I haven't figured out how to use that yet and don't see a situation in the near future where I would need it. The holster is crap but I don't really care. I can always get a better holster later. And I'm not sure if I got a good deal or not but the guy needed the money really bad and I needed the gun so it seemed like a win win. And yep I do still have to get that permit too.


The entire beginning of my post about the terrible decision was a joke.... I thought I turned on my sarcastic text.. my bad. I think you did a great job and even more so you bought something your familiar with instead of going out and buying what people would tell you to buy! I mean everyone should buy a desert eagle (sarcastic font button must not be working)

TG - I make all my purchases in gold bars.... it really is a pain to cut them down to just buy some twitzlers though.... but man they make mouths happy  But you make a good point that a lot of people on this forum have sometimes encouraged not to put money in banks or stocks.... I think there is a place for banks and stocks/ira/even 401k (if your company matches).... not everything should be hidden under your mattress for the house to burn down and be lost.


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## TG (Jul 28, 2014)

LastSister, I do not have a gun either, training in sword fighting  Will eventually take a firearms safety class.


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

Lastsister said:


> Good for you. I on the other hand feel somewhat concerned about a gun. I have one and although I have practiced a little I feel intimidated by them. I really don't want to take a life. Now I am going to have everyone telling me what a dummy I am, better to shoot than be sorry, right?


People on here will give you advice, tell you their opinion and won't always agree with you but they're not going to tell you you're a dummy. Unless you're just outright hostile, closed to discussion or a troll. That being said I don't think anybody actually _wants_ to take a life. But I promise you if somebody is trying to do me or my loved ones harm I will protect myself and I will not hesitate.


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

Dalarast said:


> The entire beginning of my post about the terrible decision was a joke.... I thought I turned on my sarcastic text.. my bad.


I could tell you were teasing me but still thought I'd give details.


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## HuntingHawk (Dec 16, 2012)

When you get ready to take the course for a concealed carry you will want a better holster plus a double magazine pouch.


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## HuntingHawk (Dec 16, 2012)

Looks like a LC9 you purchased which is probably an excellent choice for you.


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

I had to dig out the paperwork to see *blush* but yes it is a LC9 (whatever that means)


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## HuntingHawk (Dec 16, 2012)

Lightweight Compact 9mm


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

Doh! That makes sense! *blush*


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## tango (Apr 12, 2013)

Dishonesty in marriage is never a good thing.
Are you comfortable not telling him?

What would happen to the money if you told him?


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## DerBiermeister (Aug 15, 2014)

Kahlan said:


> It's ok, I have thick skin. (kinda) (ok no, not at all) But anyway... I do truly appreciate all of the advice I received and it wasn't a decision I made lightly. I know a lot of people won't agree with what I decided to do but I kept the money. I can't justify it other than say it is just what I felt like I had to do.
> 
> I opened a bank account in only my name and deposited $1,000
> I bought the gun (9mm Ruger), clips etc in the picture below for $450
> ...


Ya done good. Ruger is one of the best. And --even though the pic is small -- it looks like it has a laser on it. All that for $450 ... wow.


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

tango said:


> Dishonesty in marriage is never a good thing.
> Are you comfortable not telling him?
> 
> What would happen to the money if you told him?


To be honest I'm not comfortable about anything in my situation right now. If I told him about the money it would go towards bills.


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## tango (Apr 12, 2013)

Paying off bills is a good thing.
Being debt free is THE best thing.
Without knowing your financial situation, cannot a compromise be reached to do both?
Is he all about paying down debt?


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## HuntingHawk (Dec 16, 2012)

A full size pistol is heavier so is less felt recoil. So yes, it will take you extra time to get use to the recoil.


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## HuntingHawk (Dec 16, 2012)

In financial planning there is a thing called pay me first. That means the first thing that comes out of your pay check is 5-10% which gets set aside for emergencies. That is ready cash that builds up for emergencies like vehicle breakdowns or things like appliance failures.


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## Wise Prepper (Oct 2, 2014)

Yes thats an LC9. I own one, what a great gun! Has a long trigger pull but a great gun. Ask your son but my advise for accurate shooting is pull the trigger with the tip of your finger Nice purchase!


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## Old SF Guy (Dec 15, 2013)

Kahlan said:


> So today I came in to (what is to) me a large sum of money. $2,000. Now I know I should tell my husband but I really really don't want to. I've never deliberately kept anything like this from him before but like I mentioned in a previous post he is vehemently opposed to my prepping and won't let me spend a dime on it. What I would really like to do is put half of it back for an emergency and use the other half to buy a gun and ammo and some kind of preps. I guess the advice requested is 2 parts. 1st, is it completely horrible of me to keep the money from him? And 2nd if I do keep it, what should I buy with it?
> 
> Oh and the money was a bonus at work. Wasn't gained through any dishonorable means or anything.


As a man....I say your bonus is your money and due to your efforts...its yours....do with it what you desire and feel no guilt unless something the family must have is at stake.

Part two: Buy a .38 semi auto pistol...good caliber for women and ammo is fairly cheap. Get about 500 rounds and a box to put it in and hide it in your closet among your shoes...along with a few extra mags and pay for a class on gun safety.


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## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

Kahlan said:


> To be honest I'm not comfortable about anything in my situation right now. If I told him about the money it would go towards bills.


Then why are your buying anything?!?! if you are cautious about staying with him, you MAY have significant legal bills in your future plus the added expenses of setting up your new home. THE most important skill of prepping is setting your priorities. That seems to be a problem.


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## Old SF Guy (Dec 15, 2013)

Inor said:


> Then why are your buying anything?!?! if you are cautious about staying with him, you MAY have significant legal bills in your future plus the added expenses of setting up your new home. THE most important skill of prepping is setting your priorities. That seems to be a problem.


and I have to agree with Inor on this part...staying with someone out of fear or some sense of duty where your kids are not his kids...is not in your best interest. If you do not have love...then your doing it out of convenience and fear of change....all the wrong reasons for staying with someone.

But me thinks you know this already and are instead wanting advice on how do I continue to milk the cow although I am lactose intolerant.....please prove me wrong on this one.....

It;s scary but there is help in gaining your independence...if ever there is a person I would want my tax money to go to it is a mother who is trying to gain independence...

If you have no love for this man and you know that you never will...do both of you a favor and leave him...Marriage is more than a paper or joint ownership of debt.


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

Inor said:


> Then why are your buying anything?!?! if you are cautious about staying with him, you MAY have significant legal bills in your future plus the added expenses of setting up your new home. THE most important skill of prepping is setting your priorities. That seems to be a problem.


I didn't mean to start a debate about staying with my husband or not. But I thought the opening of the bank account was a good first step in setting up my priorities. Obviously $1,000 isn't enough to get me anywhere but it is a start. I was attempting to plan for the future. I do plan on adding to it.


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## specknowsbest (Jan 5, 2014)

Maybe it's because my wife and I see eye to eye on most things, but generally speaking, from what I've read regarding you and your husband, he doesn't have any real right to tell you not to spend money on things you want, especially if the bills are getting paid. You both work from what I understand, make good money, and hell, he even has the expensive hobby of collecting firearms and ammunition. It's genuinely unfair (in my eyes) for one spouse to have an expensive hobby, and then get huffy when the other also wants to spend some money on their hobby, even more so when both parties work and put equally into the bills. 

While my wife doesn't work right now in regards to a paying job, I understand that she works by keeping the house clean, the kids watched after and having meals ready for me whenever I'm hungry. So do I have an issue if she wants to spend a little cash on her hobbies? Not at all. Now, of course, since I'm the sole income in the house, she always runs her purchases by me before she goes and gets something, which is always appreciated, since I'm the sole provider right now, and I control/run the house budget. However, when we both worked, I raised absolutely zero questions about her spending money on her hobbies, since our combined income at the time put us in the upper 80s, and because I also have the expensive hobbies of liking firearms AND modifying my car.

So, ultimately, I'd recommend this. Sit down with your husband and MAKE him realize that it's not a one-way street. He cannot rightfully tell you how to spend your money on your hobbies when he also has an expensive hobby (provided the bills are always paid first). Situations like yours are a sore spot for me, so I apologize if I come across as a little heated about it, but I can't stand the idea of being selfish with your spouse, especially if you're both making money. In regards to the $2000, that is YOUR money, married or not, both spouses still have their own things and money, you both have just agreed to financially work together.

Marriage is a lot about give and take, no one party can take and not expect to give. If they do, then they're being selfish. If they cannot or will not realize that something is important to their spouse, then they need to swallow their pride and realize that a healthy marriage requires BOTH people to work together. I say let him know about the money, and tell him that you're going to spend it on what YOU want to spend it on. If he gets in a tiff about it then he can just suck it up and drive on, rather than being blatantly selfish (in my eyes) about it.

Anywho, pardon my mini-rant about it, but perceived selfishness in marriage gets me heated after seeing so many fail just because somebody didn't want to take what their spouse liked or prioritized seriously.


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## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

specknowsbest said:


> he even has the expensive hobby of collecting firearms and ammunition.


I believe that was Ohiomama's husband who collects guns. My husband doesn't own any guns or have an expensive hobby. I wish he did!


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## Salt-N-Pepper (Aug 18, 2014)

I don't know how to answer this, I am torn. I don't think it's healthy keeping secrets from the spouse, but in this case, where he refuses to take care of his kids (and that's what not prepping is, refusing to provide for your kids in an emergency) I dunno.

I think that's what I would do, I would spend it on something to help the kids stay safe and secure in an emergency, everything else is a secondary concern. My concern is that this opens a possible path to marital discord, and we don't want to do anything that will damage the marriage.


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## specknowsbest (Jan 5, 2014)

Kahlan said:


> I believe that was Ohiomama's husband who collects guns. My husband doesn't own any guns or have an expensive hobby. I wish he did!


Ah, well then, disregard the expensive hobby bit. Hard to keep track of the members names anymore, since it seems like most of our female members here who are married have problems with their husbands when it comes to prepping. lol

But, I stand by my words, marriage is all give and take. You could always point out exactly how prepping helps from a day to day perspective. That was one of my biggest sells to my wife. Once I pointed out that things like herb gardens, crop annual crop rotations, gear prep, etc etc can actually help out with our day to day activities, and even be fun, then I never really got an argument from her. Gear prep and the like was an easy sale, since we thoroughly enjoy camping (real camping out in the middle of nowhere, not that pansy arse "Camping" where you get a concrete pad and electricity).


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