# When all your plans are now for nothing...



## tirednurse (Oct 2, 2013)

Saturday morning a dear friend suffered a massive brain aneurism for which there was no recovery. He was taken off life support yesterday and passed away within a few last precious breaths, but had really left us hours before. 

Left now is my friend Bev, his wife of 40 some years. Both long time preppers since the 70's. All of their plans and preps are now hers only and she is not just feeling over whelmed with her husbands death, but also what to do now. She is alone on an 80 acre farm and set up with enough food to last several years and no reason to keep on prepping. She asked me yesterday, why continue when she has enough to last and can do nothing by herself to protect what she has if someone wants to take it? 

How do you answer that? What would you do if in a similar situation? What happens if you loose part of your team and you have no other way to survive on your own?


----------



## sparkyprep (Jul 5, 2013)

It is hard to say what I would do, since it is hard to fathom unless you are actually in that situation. I couldn't begin to understand that level of pain and despair. The only thing that I can think to do is, offer to help. Take her in, support her, and team up with her. It could be mutually beneficial. You will both gain a trusted ally in the event of a catastrophe, and you can give her the emotional support that she needs.

My heart goes out to you, and your friend.


----------



## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

I am sorry for the loss and the hurt that your friend is going through. How do you answer her questions? You don't at least not right away. I guess it has been a few years but I have realized that trying to answer the questions of people who have recently lost loved ones is not very productive. For me what is productive is just doing or talking about the things that you used to do or talk about before the loss. I hope this helps.


----------



## Conundrum99 (Feb 16, 2014)

When God close one door he always opens another.


----------



## Maine-Marine (Mar 7, 2014)

Sorry for the lose of your friend.


----------



## inceptor (Nov 19, 2012)

There is no right answer at this time. I'm sorry for your friends loss.


----------



## oddapple (Dec 9, 2013)

This is no place in the world for older people to be alone. 80 acres? We are about to see viable, working young couples with infants going homeless and starving. By the time she has caught her breath again it will only be closer or on. She's got a line....and, it will not be looking to people who can't seem to make it. It will be looking at people who were making it, stable, positive and fine. I think when she feels able, she has a truly great opportunity to be a light and refuge that would be some help and comfort to her.
But it has to happen on it's own and it has to be considered (as in who they are) because the elderly are a target now. I wouldn't have recommended the thought except for the streets about to be filled with "regular" people, helpless and fema on the hunt. (I literally mean on the hunt)

I picked two couples, positive and a child under a year. Watched, visited. Helped a time or two along the way. Couple years later we all still have our own homes, but we all have two other homes to go to. Matter of time....


----------



## Moonshinedave (Mar 28, 2013)

I am sorry for your loss of a friend, and the loss of your friend's husband. Be there, be as much comfort as you can, after the grief passes some, then perhaps discuss what she should do next.


----------



## pheniox17 (Dec 12, 2013)

my advice, little steeps...

just be there as it's a time of morning not a time to worry about preps 

it may be a thought to come up with a solution for this, dose she have family that will help?? as 80a is a lot of work


----------



## paraquack (Mar 1, 2013)

My condolences. I assume that they have no children or they are far away or don't agree with prepping. If there are children, she needs to have a heart to heart talk. My sister lost her husband of 38 years some time ago. It took her a while to get out of the house and try dating, but... Let's say it didn't work out very well. She now is a bit of a recluse and the farm is going to hell. She rents the land out to another farmer so she get a little money that way. I wish she would get rid of the place before it completely falls apart around her. Some people can move on, some can't and don't.


----------



## BagLady (Feb 3, 2014)

My sympathies are with you and the surviving widow. Since she's been a prepper for that long, she's already got the skills and knowledge she'll need to carry on. Try to get her to not make any decisions right now. I think when she's had some time, she will be ready to carry on. Strength comes from within. She needs to internalize all she's feeling and deal with it emotionally first. 
Staying busy helps too.


----------



## Just Sayin' (Dec 5, 2013)

I'm sorry for her loss, but one thing that I've learned in life, is that women are the most resilient people in the world. We have a long time friend who lost her husband of 30 plus years, and would have made the British proud with her "stiff upper lip". 

Louis L'amour often explored the strength and fortitude that women exhibit when faced with hard situations. Hondo, would be a good example. The frontier woman who's husband is long overdue, but stands up against Apache Indians anyway. 

She probably has that spark inside her too. Seems like most good women have that quality. I think that maybe it is the fear of being lonely that is the most terrifying idea. Help her get connected with others, and hopefully, she can have something or someone to keep her mind off her loss.

Good luck to you and her!


----------



## Schramm (Feb 9, 2014)

Like others have said there is no right answer to this, but maybe a suggestion, since you are both preppers maybe you can include her as in one of your partners, if you are able/willing to and she willing too. You guys are already friends and I think your friend who passed would appreciate you helping his wife and making sure she is taken care of. I would mention it and have her think about it.. I would also wait a little before suggesting it. That is what I think and I think I would do.

I am very sorry for your loss of a dear friend and for your friends Wife. I cannot fathom loosing someone that close.


----------



## pharmer14 (Oct 27, 2012)

I don't have a significant other, so I can't begin to fathom what she's going through, but objectively speaking, at this point in time she's focused on a negative event.

It might be better to find ways to help her celebrate her husband's life and find closure... Prepping should take a back seat at the moment IMO...

But then again, this is a great learning opportunity for you and for the rest of us. We need to be prepared to say goodbye to those we love.


----------



## PalmettoTree (Jun 8, 2013)

tirednurse said:


> Saturday morning a dear friend suffered a massive brain aneurism for which there was no recovery. He was taken off life support yesterday and passed away within a few last precious breaths, but had really left us hours before.
> 
> Left now is my friend Bev, his wife of 40 some years. Both long time preppers since the 70's. All of their plans and preps are now hers only and she is not just feeling over whelmed with her husbands death, but also what to do now. She is alone on an 80 acre farm and set up with enough food to last several years and no reason to keep on prepping. She asked me yesterday, why continue when she has enough to last and can do nothing by herself to protect what she has if someone wants to take it?
> 
> How do you answer that? What would you do if in a similar situation? What happens if you loose part of your team and you have no other way to survive on your own?


This is why apocalyptic all or nothing prepping is a fools errand. They did not prep for one to go and the other to go on except in a SHTF event. I would not be this blunt to her but I will to you. He was a damn poor prepper.


----------



## tirednurse (Oct 2, 2013)

PalmettoTree said:


> This is why apocalyptic all or nothing prepping is a fools errand. They did not prep for one to go and the other to go on except in a SHTF event. I would not be this blunt to her but I will to you. He was a damn poor prepper.


They actually did prep for just such an occurrence. They talked about his death long before it happened and he set the rules. One of which as to not be deceived by their children who have never done anything but try to take advantage of them and get something for nothing. Son who is less than a 1/2 mile away could not be bothered to come visit or come help if asked, but now that dad is gone is all but moved in already. He is going to have a big wake up call when momma has a sit down talk with him.

As for us partnering up. we already have years ago. That isn't the same as having your life time partner there to support you and plan with you. As someone else already mentioned, 80 acres is a lot for one woman no matter how determined she is, especially since she is approaching 70


----------



## Boss Dog (Feb 8, 2013)

I am sorry for the loss of your friend. Continue to be a friend to her as I'm sure you will and, I would counsel her to make no major decisions for at least one year by which time her grieving should have subsided a little and she can think more clearly. Folks who don't wait tend to make more rash decisions, which could really hurt in the long run.


----------



## Ripon (Dec 22, 2012)

This is of course a sad disuse since their children are not worthy of their life's work. Since I have no kids I can relate. I prepare for me and my wife only, and I've told her that this nephew, that niece, and another are fine. They'll help you and you can leave it to them. I can only wish this poor woman knew someone like that even if they were from church, a co worker or friend of a friend. Anyone is better than none. I'm sure she can hire someone to manage the 80 acres easily enough.


----------



## oddapple (Dec 9, 2013)

PalmettoTree said:


> This is why apocalyptic all or nothing prepping is a fools errand. They did not prep for one to go and the other to go on except in a SHTF event. I would not be this blunt to her but I will to you. He was a damn poor prepper.


I don't know how you can say that when he had prepared so much, with us knowing so little - maybe this friend was his prep. Maybe that's all he had? She has the ability to sustain with the ability to exchange sustenance for security? 
Just seems a bit harsh when we don't really know and after the man did prepare for his own ~ bad things happen to good and smart people. I can tell you.

Another thing. With her own preps she could buy her way into a skilled group for no more than rent. We are from 2yo to 72, our priority is two years food and medicine per head and she is old enough that even if she had no skills, there are ways she could help in every condition but asleep?
I mean to say after she can even care about anything again (hardest part) she is actually, it seems to me, in a much more advantageous position than most. There's people like us where she is. People that have already lost people too ~


----------



## PalmettoTree (Jun 8, 2013)

PalmettoTree said:


> This is why apocalyptic all or nothing prepping is a fools errand. They did not prep for one to go and the other to go on except in a SHTF event. I would not be this blunt to her but I will to you. He was a damn poor prepper.


Of course if she was part of this discussion I would offer my condolences and simpothy for her bereavement but she is not. Now is the time to remind others about the realities of life vs imagined circumstances of a SHTF. I see too many preppers dumping their 401Ks to buy prep supplies. Many of them not only put themselves at risk but wives and children.

Get a grip people! Odds are life's environment and circumstance will continue on a little better or a little worse over all. Betting on a SHTF is a bad bet and foolish. Ignoring the potential for a SHTF is refusing to consider the worst.


----------



## Chris (Nov 25, 2013)

What a terrible story, my condolences to your friend. One could hope that there is another soul out there who has faced similar lost that your friend could meet and spend her remaining days with.


----------



## oddapple (Dec 9, 2013)

PalmettoTree said:


> Of course if she was part of this discussion I would offer my condolences and simpothy for her bereavement but she is not. Now is the time to remind others about the realities of life vs imagined circumstances of a SHTF. I see too many preppers dumping their 401Ks to buy prep supplies. Many of them not only put themselves at risk but wives and children.
> 
> Get a grip people! Odds are life's environment and circumstance will continue on a little better or a little worse over all. Betting on a SHTF is a bad bet and foolish. Ignoring the potential for a SHTF is refusing to consider the worst.


I can see how you are trying to twist this to say that because a prepper died, prepping is foolish.

I just can't get any sense out of it. Sorry I tried to make some, especially when you are just using her situation to make your argument. Tacky.


----------



## dsdmmat (Nov 9, 2012)

tirednurse said:


> Saturday morning a dear friend suffered a massive brain aneurism for which there was no recovery. He was taken off life support yesterday and passed away within a few last precious breaths, but had really left us hours before.
> 
> Left now is my friend Bev, his wife of 40 some years. Both long time preppers since the 70's. All of their plans and preps are now hers only and she is not just feeling over whelmed with her husbands death, but also what to do now. She is alone on an 80 acre farm and set up with enough food to last several years and no reason to keep on prepping. She asked me yesterday, why continue when she has enough to last and can do nothing by herself to protect what she has if someone wants to take it?
> 
> How do you answer that? What would you do if in a similar situation? What happens if you loose part of your team and you have no other way to survive on your own?


First off, sorry for the loss of your friend. 
I am assuming here so please bear with me.

If you are she are friends then I assume that you are phyiscally located close by each other.
Can you absorb her into your "clan" if so then she is not alone and she is still a valuable member of a team. She is not a liability and should be told so. 
What would I do in the same situation, hard to say, sounds like your friend is a lot more prepared than I am so I would either move my boy to my location or sell the farm and move to his, there is mutual support that way. If she has no family then she will need to be absorbed into someone's clan.


----------



## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

My condolences on the loss of your friend.


----------



## Slippy (Nov 14, 2013)

PalmettoTree said:


> This is why apocalyptic all or nothing prepping is a fools errand. They did not prep for one to go and the other to go on except in a SHTF event. I would not be this blunt to her but I will to you. He was a damn poor prepper.


Palmetto Tree,

I've got to ask the question...Do you just want to be a dickhead or can you not help yourself? C'mon man, I know there is a good guy in there somewhere so please try...you don't always have to be a douchebag.


----------



## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

Slippy said:


> Palmetto Tree,
> 
> I've got to ask the question...Do you just want to be a dickhead or can you not help yourself? C'mon man, I know there is a good guy in there somewhere so please try...you don't always have to be a douchebag.


Ditto that


----------



## tirednurse (Oct 2, 2013)

PalmettoTree said:


> Of course if she was part of this discussion I would offer my condolences and simpothy for her bereavement but she is not. Now is the time to remind others about the realities of life vs imagined circumstances of a SHTF. I see too many preppers dumping their 401Ks to buy prep supplies. Many of them not only put themselves at risk but wives and children.
> 
> Get a grip people! Odds are life's environment and circumstance will continue on a little better or a little worse over all. Betting on a SHTF is a bad bet and foolish. Ignoring the potential for a SHTF is refusing to consider the worst.


I don't know what or who you think preppers are, but in our case over here we prep for anything that could happen. Not just weather, political stupidity, economic decline and zombies. we look to the future and try to cover our everything including old age. That is the way smart people live. No good farmer, rancher, or business man plans for one day or week at a time. we plan for what happens next year, or 10 or 20 years from now. You can not succeed with out planning (or prepping) for what will happen in the future. 
In my friends case she has no need to worry about financial matters. she owns not only her own home, but also 6 rental homes and has more money stashed than she will spend in her lifetime. You wouldn't know by talking with her though since she has been a penny pincher for a long time. Waste not want not is a preppers real motto isn't it? you don't waste now and save for the future and you wont have regrets about what you used to have. 
What you don't understand I would guess is the plans we make with our partners. not the same as with a stranger or even a close friend. our partners are an extension of ourselves. no matter what we will never have the same bond and trust with any one else in our group. 
She is a smart lady and will continue on in her own way, but it will never be the same since part of her is missing and can not be replaced.


----------



## oddapple (Dec 9, 2013)

Haha woo! There are a couple little beepers around here - that lancestar and resister and other kinds you know are gonna get eaten first - to save the venison!

Nurse: I don't think he really cared about anything but using the opportunity to "illustrate" his own blah blah - just put that on ignore, the rest of us got it.

(Beep beep little beepers.....silly head a mile a minute to nowhere and eat by bears...)


----------



## rice paddy daddy (Jul 17, 2012)

Slippy said:


> Palmetto Tree,
> 
> I've got to ask the question...Do you just want to be a dickhead or can you not help yourself? C'mon man, I know there is a good guy in there somewhere so please try...you don't always have to be a douchebag.


Nah, Slippy. He's on some other forums I belong to, well, one at least. And what you see is what you get.
As soon as I see his name on a post I stop reading right there.


----------



## ordnance21xx (Jan 29, 2014)

sorry for your and his wifes loss.

MOLON LABE


----------



## retired guard (Mar 7, 2013)

Sorry for your friends loss. Not going to say I know what she's going through. I can only imagine what I would be going through if something happened to my wife of thirty years and it's not pleasant. Be a friend which I have no doubt you have been doing and listen for when and what she is ready to do.


----------

