# Thank you all, thank you



## shotlady (Aug 30, 2012)

I want to thank you all for your prayers, warm wishes. Last week I went to texas, got his apt cleaned out, gave away and signed away Bradley's belongings. went to the pd to get his wallet and then on a different day for his gun. it was 8-12 hour days getting things done. He was cremated. My older son flew to Austin to drive Bradley's cremains and me back to ca. 
We are so heart broken. We will intern him at the nat cemetery in Bakersfield, ca. everyone has been wonderful. my friends. my family, my sport bike and prepper and mom group friends. I am so humbled by your love and mercy. I just wanted to thank you.

My ex was surprised I lawyered up to get shit done. hey man I live in la, that's what we do. and its easy when yer bff is an atty. Patti has been awesome to get the death cert for his burial permit. so has Kari from BSM. I will be moved on to the new group of gold star mom. but will still remain as a bsm for Anthony. I will go back to work in a few weeks. I am uncomfortable having to sit at home and be mother ****ing nice so many days in a row. I need to get back to ball bustin.

yesterday was the first day I had alone with this. um I have no words to describe my despair. 

I know we are all about opsec here and I blew it for me. and of course ya'll know I don't give a shit never did. my front door isn't for MY safety. I want to thank many of ya'll who blew your cover and joined sweet Bradley's facebook page Bradley Lawrence Coy, usmc. And those of you who friended me and sent your names and #'s. Ya'll ****ing rock.

Thank you I am so humbled by your mercy and love.

Thank you, Brandi


----------



## shotlady (Aug 30, 2012)

thank you all for coming together for me and the bradley and anthony. i can tell you i have no regrets as a mother. I got in there when it was dirty, hard, expensive, inconvenient, & ugly and nobody else showed up. I kept coming, i kept loving, i kept giving. I didnt stay late at the party if i got to go visit them/ him. i gave even what i didnt have- i financed. I didnt date, so i could spend all my time with him/them. i was so up their asses. I knew in the marines he wasnt garanteed a long life, but i could garantee him a good life.

I am not spending my time thinking i could have been more or done more. i did everything i could, spent every dime i had and every minute and was available to them 24/7.

ptsd doesnt care who loves you or who you love, it is a tempest of grief, guilt, shame, nightmares, flashbacks, and quite often is coupled with alcoholism. He was not a coward.

i want to thank you all. Not everyone can say "i have no regrets" when your son commits suicide. but i truely can. I thank you all for sharing my journey, reading the pictures and stories.


----------



## dwight55 (Nov 9, 2012)

Hey, . . . you're fambly, . . . what else should fambly do ???

Seriously, . . . many of us know all too well the loss of a close military person, . . . the tears shed are all real, . . . 

But the joy knowing your son made a difference in the past, . . . makes a difference now, . . . and always will.

You did good, Mom, ..............

May God bless,
Dwight


----------



## jro1 (Mar 3, 2014)

Welcome back, hope you are well.


----------



## Jeep (Aug 5, 2014)

We ain't through with you yet


----------



## Inor (Mar 22, 2013)

ShotLady - 

You're the best mom a guy could ever hope to have. Our prayers are with you.

-M-


----------



## csi-tech (Apr 13, 2013)

We have thought about you the whole time.


----------



## 2Tim215 (Jun 19, 2014)

Wish you the best. Keep your self surrounded by those close to you until time has healed a little. Being alone is when it hurts the most.


----------



## paraquack (Mar 1, 2013)

My sincerest condolences. I can not even imagine the pain. You are in the wife's and my prayers.


----------



## RNprepper (Apr 5, 2014)

I cannot begin to imagine the layers of pain you must be experiencing, but am so glad for you that regret is not one of them. You both lived life well and to the fullest. Your sacrificial mother's love was not wasted. Prayers and blessings to you.


----------



## Ripon (Dec 22, 2012)

I'm pretty sure most of us think about you each time we hit this forum; I know I do. God Bless lady keep the faith.



csi-tech said:


> We have thought about you the whole time.


----------



## rice paddy daddy (Jul 17, 2012)

Brandi, he is with his buddies now. 
But you will always be his Mom, and you will be together with him again someday.
I wish I could say some flowery words that would make you feel a little better, I really do.


----------



## Ragnarök (Aug 4, 2014)

old friends some sailor jerry and lighting up a target with suppressed automatic fire will make you feel a tiny measure better ..hang in there SL


----------



## Kahlan (Sep 16, 2014)

Brandi since I'm new I have barely gotten to know you at all but you're an inspiration to me. Every time I see your avatar with that smile, it's contagious. I hope someday you will be smiling like that again because it's beautiful. As a mother I can't imagine what you're going through and your strength is a testament. I wish I was better with words so I could tell you everything I'm thinking. You're in my heart and my prayers. And I'm going to pm you my phone number. If you ever just need someone to cry to, vent to or just listen, even at 3am you can call me.


----------



## pheniox17 (Dec 12, 2013)

Don't worry SL... we still love ya...

And if alphabet agencies come knocking on your door... You have a army of friends ready to help...

But as I said we love ya


----------



## Smokin04 (Jan 29, 2014)

Glad you are back B. You always have friends/family here.


----------



## CWOLDOJAX (Sep 5, 2013)

Mourning is a process, not an event. 
You will continue to be in our prayers. 
You sound like a wise, strong lady. 
Glad to hear you are doing well.


----------



## Infidel (Dec 22, 2012)

This is something no parent should have to deal with and we are all truly sorry for your loss. I wish there were more we could do or say to help you in your time of need, you know all you need to do is say the word and we will do whatever we can to help. We will keep you and your family in our thoughts and prayers.

BTW Opsec be damned if you need us we're here.

-Infidel


----------



## Armed Iowa (Apr 4, 2014)

Well said Shot Lady ! We love ya.


----------



## tango (Apr 12, 2013)

You have my condolences.
I know the pain of losing a child.
You never get over it, but you do learn to deal with the loss.
Best wishes.


----------



## Michael_Js (Dec 4, 2013)

God's continued strength and comfort...I know it takes a long time to grieve, and I also know we NEVER forget our loved ones...NEVER!

it's been over 24 years since my son passed and there isn't a single day that goes by that I'm not thinking/reminded of him.

Love lives on, as long as we keep it alive...

peace to you and your family. Thank you for your sharing...


----------



## slewfoot (Nov 6, 2013)

So sorry too read this. Prayers and thoughts are with you.


----------



## Deebo (Oct 27, 2012)

Dear, the only words I can express right now. Are that I love you. 
Text or call anytime. 
My family knows about your beloved Son, 
He will be remembered. 
Love you, Donnie


----------



## shotlady (Aug 30, 2012)

I found myself in disbelief today. I called Santana and asked if he was sure that was my baby. what if the Bradley was on a party & panty binge for a week and came home to everything he had given away, the dog gone and we had a funeral. he assured me via fingerprints. no I say. I need more than that. You know him. was that really him? yes.


----------



## Old SF Guy (Dec 15, 2013)

Shotlady....your going to go through many emotional extremes....I know but I will never know yours...I just know what I know. Days of denial...days of acceptance....days of despair... No matter your day...talk to us and we will be here for you. Up days, down days, they are and will come....none the less we are here. I hope that you know....that I know the depths of this thing.... I do...and I can't bring you peace...but if I can help.... I will.


----------



## BagLady (Feb 3, 2014)

shotlady said:


> I found myself in disbelief today. I called Santana and asked if he was sure that was my baby. what if the Bradley was on a party & panty binge for a week and came home to everything he had given away, the dog gone and we had a funeral. he assured me via fingerprints. no I say. I need more than that. You know him. was that really him? yes.


Oh girl, I'm sure I would do the same. I'm so glad to know you have so many shoulders to lean on. If we could, we would all come to your side and surround you in a huge circle of love. 
I'm glad you posted. Been thinking about you. Jan


----------



## Verteidiger (Nov 16, 2012)

shotlady said:


> I found myself in disbelief today. I called Santana and asked if he was sure that was my baby. what if the Bradley was on a party & panty binge for a week and came home to everything he had given away, the dog gone and we had a funeral. he assured me via fingerprints. no I say. I need more than that. You know him. was that really him? yes.


Rest assured, Brandi, that you will see your son again. And now you must be strong, and steadfast for your other son, his brother, because you are the best Mother any child could ever hope for.

My grandmother (may her immortal soul rest in peace) once told me: "When God is picking flowers from his Paradise to take back to his own house, he always picks the best ones to go home with him first."

"But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18

It is okay to grieve. It is okay to cry. It is okay to scream at the sky and ask why. But you must go on with your life, and keep your mind sharp, and as time passes, your spirit will rise up and be healed again.

Your son lived a life of service with honor for the family, friends and people who knew him on this Earth. Now he has gone home and is serving God. One day, you will see him again. Stay strong, Brandi.


----------



## ohiomama (Oct 6, 2014)

I am new to the forum but I enjoyed reading your posts when I was a "lurker," and when I first joined. I was devestated to hear about your son...as a veteran with PTSD myself...the news was heartbreaking. I am praying for you and your family every day. I cannot imagine the grief. There's nothing I can say that will make the pain go away but I want you to know I'm thinking and praying for you.


----------



## shotlady (Aug 30, 2012)

Michael_Js said:


> God's continued strength and comfort...I know it takes a long time to grieve, and I also know we NEVER forget our loved ones...NEVER!
> 
> it's been over 24 years since my son passed and there isn't a single day that goes by that I'm not thinking/reminded of him.
> 
> ...


 thank you for sharing. Im so sorry for your loss. Its one like no other.


----------



## shotlady (Aug 30, 2012)

thank you all for sharing your numbers and kind words with me. I do find comfort here. Thank you, Brandi


----------



## shotlady (Aug 30, 2012)

Now Bradley was a prolific prepper. When going through his things to give away, He had so many cleaning supplies. You wouldn't believe.
I wondered what he was prepping for... a landslide?


----------



## BagLady (Feb 3, 2014)

shotlady said:


> Now Bradley was a prolific prepper. When going through his things to give away, He had so many cleaning supplies. You wouldn't believe.
> I wondered what he was prepping for... a landslide?


You know, that could have been conected to his PTSD. Maybe a sub-conscience need to clean his mind from all that he experienced..(?)


----------



## shotlady (Aug 30, 2012)

he liked his stuff/place squared away and has always been clean.


----------

